Cute girls

[Odo]

The good news is that even if 1000 people say no, having a relationship requires only that one person says yes.

But it won't work if you keep telling yourself no.

 

[YellowBird]

It's tough when you're a straight female and feel this way..i can't go outside without comparing myself to every single beautiful girl i come across,it doesn't make sense,beauty doesn't define who you are,yet i feel so inferior next to them.

 

[Bronson99]

(funny animated gif)

Honestly I'm glad you have a lighthearted side, after all! that's meant to be a compliment.

 

[Bronson99]

...
I think that maleness would benefit from this because maleness in the modern world is compartmentalized into narrow identities.
...
But there is this vague notion that a man must meet certain requirements to be considered a "real man" by society. That maleness must be made whole in some way and through external validation from society.
...
But I think that a good first step for individual men is to shed this idea that he must work in order to be made whole. Or to assume that he needs the approval from a woman/women to be made whole.

Don't know if any of that made any sense. It does in my mind but hard to put it into words.

It does make sense to me, as I understand it anyway.

A broader and more inclusive definition of maleness is needed; the further away we can get from the narrow stereotypes of what it takes to be a man, the healthier men, as well as society, will be (theoretically.)

Right now, though, I'm doubting there will ever be a day when a guy who has a college degree, a decent job, a confident "git 'er done" attitude, is not considered ridiculously more attractive than a guy who doesn't... Not to say I believe men shouldn't bother to improve themselves, but I must say the odds are stacked all to one side here. A game less "rigged," so to speak, would be the ideal. Not sure if this is even possible, but it is a pleasant dream, at least.

Ideas on how this societal shift could occur would make for interesting reading. The most basic idea is to start with removing the competitive spirit from life... the rational objection is we're still animals who haven't evolved past competition amongst ourselves, and may never do so, etc...

 

[Rumplestiltskin]

The good news is that even if 1000 people say no, having a relationship requires only that one person says yes.

No one is capable of failing 1000 times and still have the courage to get up and try one more time. Hell, no one will even get to 1000 failures. Of course, you were just using a random figure, but just convert that to an advanced age and you'll get where my inaction comes from.

But it won't work if you keep telling yourself no.

I'm poor, insecure and have no previous experience despite being old, among other faults. It's not like I keep telling myself no for no reason.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Really, more of this? At least it is entertaining to read.

Let's not label men as sex hungry and women as creatures with no hearts. Both men and women can be sex hungry and creatures without hearts.

Here's the secret:
You have to get out and about. Join meetup groups, go out with friends. Yes you will have to do some risky things sometimes like letting a girl or boy know you like them, talking to a girl or boy you find attractive. It's how it goes.

If your aim is just one night encounters and sex, that is ok and can be done. As long as both parties involved are aware that is what's happening.

I will say this against our society. Let's do away with the societal roles please! A man can ask a woman out OR a woman can ask a man out. Why the **** is the North American society still hellbent on the man must be the initiator?

 

[Bronson99]

Here's the secret:
You have to get out and about. Join meetup groups, go out with friends. Yes you will have to do some risky things sometimes like letting a girl or boy know you like them, talking to a girl or boy you find attractive. It's how it goes.

If your aim is just one night encounters and sex, that is ok and can be done. As long as both parties involved are aware that is what's happening.

I'm not sure any of this is worth trying if you're a guy who lacks confidence and/or achievements (it seems if you don't have one, you need the other, etc.) Unfortunately it appears to me that there are prerequisites for entering the dating/mating game. I don't want to sound like a debbie downer, or what have you, but this does seem to be the case.

 

[Livemylife]

Ok, I broke your text in sentences because I find many things wrong here.

First, you don't own anyone. You can't "have" them because a girl is not an item you can pick up and claim as your own. They choose to be with whoever they want to be, because they're individuals with freedom. And you have to accept it, like it or not. Wanting-not having-getting sad is a child's thing. A child sees a toy they can't have and they throw a tantrum. That's basically what a lot of you guys do, people can sense that, it drives them away.

Second, you're refering to girls as toys you want to play with. And a very sad thing is that you use animal instinct as an excuse. You are not a wild animal. And unlike animals, you can use common sense, rational thought and a lot of other things that supress instinct. You're not programmed to be like that. You choose to act that way.

Third, yes, a lot of girls will be comfortable if you don't look at them because, I don't know... maybe it's creepy?

Think about it.

I agree with most of your post except the animal part. Humans ARE animals. We are not plants, we are not rocks, we are not little bits of Jesus' soul. And I don't believe all humans are capable of rational or intelligent thought or suppressing their instincts.
I remember complaining to my counselor about a guy on my team staring. We were at a college tournament, and I noticed one of my teammates gaping at a girl. At the time I didn't understand what was going on, but it was bizarre enough for me to start starting at HIM, and I never stare. It then clicked in my mind that what he was doing was unabashedly checking out the girl. *shudders* My counselor even told me it's genetic, and I believe her. Men, in general, are supposed to lust after women. The same way any other animal is attracted to a mate.
In pop psychology terms, it would be said that men are "wired that way." I can't fathom what it would be like to step out of my house and be attracted to random people in class or on the street. But I accept that it happens and in both sexes although disproportionately.

 

[Livemylife]

I'm not sure any of this is worth trying if you're a guy who lacks confidence and/or achievements (it seems if you don't have one, you need the other, etc.) Unfortunately it appears to me that there are prerequisites for entering the dating/mating game. I don't want to sound like a debbie downer, or what have you, but this does seem to be the case.

What is your ideal version of the dating/mating game? Let me guess, something along the lines of:
*man sees cute girl*
Man: Hi. You're cute. Will you be my girlfriend?
Woman: Yes, because you asked me and for no other reason at all.

Yeah, that won't be happening in modern day society....If a man has the ability to choose a girl based on cuteness, a girl has the ability to NOT choose a man due to lack of cuteness, lack of funds, lack of confidence, or lack of whatever else she needs. If you really don't think of women as toys, you'd know you can't just pick one off the shelf and lug her back to your apartment and declare her yours.

 

[Odo]

No one is capable of failing 1000 times and still have the courage to get up and try one more time. Hell, no one will even get to 1000 failures. Of course, you were just using a random figure, but just convert that to an advanced age and you'll get where my inaction comes from.

Maybe this will sound harsh, but the reason you're inactive is because you've stopped trying, and are channelling all of your energy into complaining and being negative about yourself instead of into getting what you want.

I'm sure it's painful to be like that, but I don't think it would be as hopeless as you think it is if you cleared your head and stopped fighting yourself all the time.

We all have periods where it seems hopeless and you feel like you're never going to make it work or get what you want... the difference is some people refuse to make those moments a part of their identity or tout it as proof that they're worthless and will never be happy.

I'm poor, insecure and have no previous experience despite being old, among other faults. It's not like I keep telling myself no for no reason.

Well, no... nobody gives up for no reason.

But really, what you're doing here isn't so different from people who never go on the trips they want to go on, never try the things they've always wanted to try, never experience things they want to experience, etc.

They find whatever excuse they can and use it over and over again because they don't want to admit to themselves that the real problem is that they're afraid. That's why you need to repeat it-- because you know you don't really believe it but you want to because it's easier to give up on things than face and eventually overcome your fears.

But what you should really be afraid of is watching all of your time on this planet slip through your fingers because you were too afraid to act. Whatever you've already lost doesn't matter because it's already behind you, but you still have a shot at finding something that can mean something to you, whether you like it or not.

 

[Rumplestiltskin]

It then clicked in my mind that what he was doing was unabashedly checking out the girl. *shudders*

I can understand why a guy checking out a girl might sound disgusting and scary considering the world we live in, but there's actually nothing wrong with the act itself.

My counselor even told me it's genetic, and I believe her. Men, in general, are supposed to lust after women. The same way any other animal is attracted to a mate. In pop psychology terms, it would be said that men are "wired that way."

Women are also wired that way. Women do check out guys too. Stuff like this happens:
Hunky gardener: strip tease in the park / Coca-Cola commercial - YouTube

I can't fathom what it would be like to step out of my house and be attracted to random people in class or on the street.

Does this mean you're incapable of appreciating male beauty? Do all the guys provoke the same reaction on you? Can't you tell a handsome guy from an ugly one at all?

If you can, you're already feeling attraction.

If a man has the ability to choose a girl based on cuteness, a girl has the ability to NOT choose a man due to lack of cuteness, lack of funds, lack of confidence, or lack of whatever else she needs. If you really don't think of women as toys, you'd know you can't just pick one off the shelf and lug her back to your apartment and declare her yours.

And now it's the second time on this thread that someone infers that women have no right to choose after quoting a text that doesn't have anything to do with that. Rather funny, since Bronson99's message was actually stating and confirming women's right to choose.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Ok so if you're not confident in your own looks to get a girl interested in you, you DEFINITELY need to start talking to them and turn on the old charm

I've learned one thing.
Looks are very nice.
Being on the same wavelength as partners/a couple is waaaaayyy better!
A meeting of the minds, making love, spending time together is so much better when two people truly connect

 

[Hellhound]

And I don't believe all humans are capable of rational or intelligent thought or suppressing their instincts.

And that is why we have creepsters

 

[Livemylife]

I can understand why a guy checking out a girl might sound disgusting and scary considering the world we live in, but there's actually nothing wrong with the act itself.


Women are also wired that way. Women do check out guys too. Stuff like this happens:
Hunky gardener: strip tease in the park / Coca-Cola commercial - YouTube


Does this mean you're incapable of appreciating male beauty? Do all the guys provoke the same reaction on you? Can't you tell a handsome guy from an ugly one at all?

If you can, you're already feeling attraction.


And now it's the second time on this thread that someone infers that women have no right to choose after quoting a text that doesn't have anything to do with that. Rather funny, since Bronson99's message was actually stating and confirming women's right to choose.

It didn't scare me. It disgusted me. And there is nothing that will change that. I do remind myself it is biological. But I rather not think about it at all.

Stuff like what happens....? Gardeners walk by and women throw cokes at them?

Ugly is not a word I use freely. I can tell a guy who would be considered sexy vs. a guy who would be considered ugly, sure. I didn't grow up under a rock.

I suppose we interpreted the post differently. I found the word "unfortunately" a strange word to choose. What is "unfortunate" about women being able to choose? I don't see that as confirmation at all.

 

[Sial Axetder]

I'm not sure any of this is worth trying if you're a guy who lacks confidence and/or achievements (it seems if you don't have one, you need the other, etc.) Unfortunately it appears to me that there are prerequisites for entering the dating/mating game. I don't want to sound like a debbie downer, or what have you, but this does seem to be the case.

Let me break this up...

I'm not sure any of this is worth trying if you're a guy who lacks confidence and/or achievements

--> So tell me how a guy gains confidence if he doesn't get out?

Unfortunately it appears to me that there are prerequisites for entering the dating/mating game.

--> The only requirement for dating is being yourself. However, if we wish to make a game then confidence will help astronomically. So one best be getting out and about; enjoying their life, enjoying meetup groups, enjoying travels so they may have stories to share. Like a resume, you must sell your self.

... but this does seem to be the case...

If it seems the case then what's the problem? We are all human and are built to deal with shit. A gigantic amount of shit every day! This is no different, needing companionship. Get out and about. Make friends. See the world. Speak your mind. Guaranteed you'll meet Mr. or Mrs. Right!

 

[Bronson99]

What is your ideal version of the dating/mating game? Let me guess, something along the lines of:
*man sees cute girl*
Man: Hi. You're cute. Will you be my girlfriend?
Woman: Yes, because you asked me and for no other reason at all.

Yeah, that won't be happening in modern day society....If a man has the ability to choose a girl based on cuteness, a girl has the ability to NOT choose a man due to lack of cuteness, lack of funds, lack of confidence, or lack of whatever else she needs. If you really don't think of women as toys, you'd know you can't just pick one off the shelf and lug her back to your apartment and declare her yours.

I never said anything of the sort.

 

[Bronson99]

And now it's the second time on this thread that someone infers that women have no right to choose after quoting a text that doesn't have anything to do with that. Rather funny, since Bronson99's message was actually stating and confirming women's right to choose.

Thank you.

I was mostly just talking about my own perceived faults. Nowhere did I said *I* deserve to have any woman I want become interested in me, nor did I say other men could, either. Please don't twist my words.

A more level playing field would be nice, but I'm aware it's not a realistic possiblity, this goes back to another discussion I had. That's idealistic, not realistic.

I've no problem with either sex choosing who they want to be with. At the same time, as I'm sure everyone's aware, frustrations occur when someone (either man or woman) begins to think they lack values considered ideal by society.

That's all there is to my discussion, anyway.

 

[S_Spartan]

It does make sense to me, as I understand it anyway.

A broader and more inclusive definition of maleness is needed; the further away we can get from the narrow stereotypes of what it takes to be a man, the healthier men, as well as society, will be (theoretically.)

Right now, though, I'm doubting there will ever be a day when a guy who has a college degree, a decent job, a confident "git 'er done" attitude, is not considered ridiculously more attractive than a guy who doesn't... Not to say I believe men shouldn't bother to improve themselves, but I must say the odds are stacked all to one side here. A game less "rigged," so to speak, would be the ideal. Not sure if this is even possible, but it is a pleasant dream, at least.

Ideas on how this societal shift could occur would make for interesting reading. The most basic idea is to start with removing the competitive spirit from life... the rational objection is we're still animals who haven't evolved past competition amongst ourselves, and may never do so, etc...

I agree. The very definition of malenesss must be broadened.

Men also need to understand what I call the "sex trap". I've seen a lot of men work very hard to get and keep a pretty girl.

We shouldn't have to work that hard for the opposite sex.

Just about every thread like this I have ever read always advises the men to WORK!

Work on yourself, work on your social skills, work on your appearance, work on putting yourself "out there"(wherever that is), be sure you are working for money or else she probably won't like you.

Perhaps it's time for men to question the whole concept of work and how we relate to it. And I'm not just talking about work for money but everything we are told we MUST work for.

Maybe this idead that we get our self worth through work and struggle has been a brainwashed lie. I hope so! Because I believe that existence is greater than essence.

 

[Ignace]

Yeah ..........

 

[Livemylife]

Thank you.

I was mostly just talking about my own perceived faults. Nowhere did I said *I* deserve to have any woman I want become interested in me, nor did I say other men could, either. Please don't twist my words.

A more level playing field would be nice, but I'm aware it's not a realistic possiblity, this goes back to another discussion I had. That's idealistic, not realistic.

I've no problem with either sex choosing who they want to be with. At the same time, as I'm sure everyone's aware, frustrations occur when someone (either man or woman) begins to think they lack values considered ideal by society.

That's all there is to my discussion, anyway.

Don't even. I did not twist any of your words. I quoted your post exactly as you had written it. I simply commented on a post with my own thoughts.