COWARDICE: Fear or Conscience?

[worrywort]

COWARDICE: are shy people brave or cowardly?

Do you think people behave cowardly purely because they are scared and lacking bravery, or do you think there is more to it than that?

I think the point I'd like to make is that society often see's shy people as cowardly, and I often feel cowardly myself when I fail in social situations, but I'm just not convinced that a simple lack of bravery is my flaw. I feel as though there is a lot more going on inside of me and that in fact if another person could live inside a shy persons head for a day they'd discover that shy people are a lot braver than they'd think because they have to face fears every single day.

and so I guess I'd like to know what people think about cowardice. Do you feel like a coward? What are some of the bravest things you've ever done? Have you ever done anything that required a lot of bravery from yourself, yet from the outside nobody else would notice how much fear you were facing?

also, how brave are you when it comes to other types of fears, such as fear of spiders, heights, ghosts etc? Are you scared of everything, or just social situations? If the latter, then what's the difference? If you're just as brave as everyone else when it comes to rollercaosters and spiders, but only lacking in social situations, then doesn't that imply that a lack of bravery is not the issue?

Basically, I want to evict the identity of a coward from all social phobics minds because in most cases I don't believe it's true. I only feel like a coward when I compare myself to everybody else. When I see people on stages, interacting with people, leading teams and living their lives, my first thought is often that I must just not be as brave as them. But this would be like a man with no arms comparing himself to tennis players or weight lifters and concluding that he must just not be as devoted as them.

Of course I really don't want to make excuses if the simple truth is that I really am a coward! Maybe some of you would agree that social phobics really are less brave than most people?

but anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts!


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ORIGINAL POST;

For example, if a man owed you money and you had to go ask for it back, but the man had just recieved some bad news, maybe a bad day at work, or an old friend passing away, etc. If you decided not to ask for the money back right then, would it be because you're a coward or because of your conscience?

What about if you wanted to pay somebody a compliment but as you were talking the mood just didn't feel right for what you wanted to say. You may blurt out your compliment regardless because you don't want to walk away feeling like a coward, only to find that you just killed the mood and you should've followed your conscience because your compliment may have been inappropriate at that time.

Or a third example; What if your taxi driver makes a few mistakes and takes several wrong turns in driving you home, costing you a greater fare. Would you be a coward for not telling the driver that you're dissappointed in his service, or is it more humane to forgive the driver and give him the benefit of the doubt?

 

[lyricalliaisons]

In the first scenario, I don't think it would have anything to do with cowardice or conscience, just human decency. I think it would just be plain wrong to ask the guy for your money back right after receiving news like that. It seems to me that any decent person would wait a little while & give the guy some time before reminding him of money he or she had due to them. You could refer to that as conscience if you want to, but that's not the definition of the word.

In the second scenario, again, I don't think it's conscience or cowardice, just poor timing. If you feel something shouldn't be said at that moment, it's probably best not to say it.

As for the third scenario, I think the cowardice is in not informing the driver of the fact that he's going the long way in the first place. Waiting until after the fact, & then telling the driver you were disappointed with their service could be seen as plain rude. What if the driver was new & truly didn't know there was a shorter route? Or what if they had never been in that area before? If you know for a fact, somehow, that the driver had purposefully taken the long way around, I guess it would be cowardly not to say something to them about it. It's wrong for drivers to take advantage of people like that. I've had drivers do that to me before, & as bad as my SA is, I always say something about it if I realize what's going on because in the end, it's my money & I'm not going to be stuck paying a higher price just because the driver is going to long way.

 

[k123dave]

No, there are many reasons why a person would be a coward, it could also be to protect themselves, to not appear big headed or stupid.

In the first example, you'd have to be cold-hearted to ask for the money, depending on the situation. Showing compassion doesn't mean you are a coward, there are many levels in between the two.

In your second example, there's nothing wrong with paying a compliment, regardless of the circumstance. On the flip side, there is nothing wrong with remembering or noting down the compliment and saying at another (more relevant) time.

In the third, the taxi driver made the mistake, so he should reduce the fare a little bit, not voicing your disappointment is not an act of cowardice, it could also be seen as saving face on the drivers part, and not annoying him
One of my favourite sayings is 'to err is human', we all make mistakes, and being a taxi driver can't be an easy job!

 

[apollo]

1. It's your conscience, this situation has nothing to do with cowardice.

Here's an example of cowardice. Someone is in distress and you choose to turn a blind eye and not call the authorities for instance.

2. It depends on the compliment and the situation. Was it a girl?

3. If you don't like the service. Just don't tip the guy. That is pretty self-explanatory. He'll get the message.

 

[LadyWench]

In the first scenario, I don't think it would have anything to do with cowardice or conscience, just human decency. I think it would just be plain wrong to ask the guy for your money back right after receiving news like that. It seems to me that any decent person would wait a little while & give the guy some time before reminding him of money he or she had due to them. You could refer to that as conscience if you want to, but that's not the definition of the word.

In the second scenario, again, I don't think it's conscience or cowardice, just poor timing. If you feel something shouldn't be said at that moment, it's probably best not to say it.

As for the third scenario, I think the cowardice is in not informing the driver of the fact that he's going the long way in the first place. Waiting until after the fact, & then telling the driver you were disappointed with their service could be seen as plain rude. What if the driver was new & truly didn't know there was a shorter route? Or what if they had never been in that area before? If you know for a fact, somehow, that the driver had purposefully taken the long way around, I guess it would be cowardly not to say something to them about it. It's wrong for drivers to take advantage of people like that. I've had drivers do that to me before, & as bad as my SA is, I always say something about it if I realize what's going on because in the end, it's my money & I'm not going to be stuck paying a higher price just because the driver is going to long way.

Perfectly said. I feel exactly the same way about each scenario.

 

[Emily_G]

For the first one, as a Christian I am not supposed to ask for money back. That's why I am careful who I loan money to, I'm not usually in that situation so it doesn't matter. I think the last time I let someone borrow money it was a few dollars...no biggy.

I'm not sure about the compliment one. I'd based that on the mood and if it would be akward to say it, etc. I don't want the other person to feel uncomfortable.

I wouldn't care if I could tell the driver was truely just struggling or lost. We all make mistakes. The kind thing would be for him to take some money off the meter for messing up....but no everyone is kind

 

[worrywort]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I appreciate it, although I probably shouldn't have written all those examples cause I wasn't actually interested in them!:: sorry! I just kinda babbled some examples off the top of my head to illustrate the first question! I've edited my original post now cause I don't think I explained my point very well! my bad!

 

[redski]

1) I guess I wouldn't ask for the money back for the reason of his bad news but then again let's say
I really needed the money to pay of a bill. I could argue to myself that I really have no control of
that persons life and money borrowed should be money paid
back if you ask me. It is all a mater of the situation I guess.

2) Well there is a time and a place for everything. If you reasoned that that it was not the right time and place
for the complement then may be you were right. I have done the same also, not given compliments and
then I beat myself up about it. Wondering what could have happened if I gave the compliment in the first place.

3) It depends how much greater the fare was. I have a taxi driver friend and apparently they get commissions from each fare.
I usually do not tip (because I do not have much money of my own).

 

[Lea]

I think for those examples listed, cowardice is quite a strong word. If it happens to me and I let myself being cheated, I usually beat myself up, thinking what idiot I am. But, it´s nothing more than stupidity or sometimes shyness, not cowardice or wrong morals. After all, what happens if you mess this up, it´s only you who looses money... nobody else.

Also, seems to me, people differ in what they can put up with and what they find annoying. There are people who don't seem to mind anything, nothing gets them annoyed or angry - even when it should and would be kind of morally apropriate. On the contrary some people get into fight about unimportant details or perceived personal insults (or rather said insults to their ego). Which is not good either.

I think to be able to distinguish what is cowardice and what not, we first need to have some value system, values that are important to us. If something is very important to you and someone insults it, you will feel very strongly on it which makes you defend it. If nothing is important to you, nothing will make you angry and therefore you will not feel the need to defend it. But in this case it doesn't even seem to be cowardice because it´s not important to them, so rather - lack of character?

Finally - is shyness a cowardice? I clearly am not a person who likes to be a centre of attention so I sometimes rather wave off smaller things. For example, if they cheat me in the supermarket. I usually claim it back, but sometimes it's a really small amount and in some places I know they are going to make a terrible fool of me, in front of many people. So I don´t say anything although I know it's not morally right, because they do this on purpose and rely precisely on this - that people don't want to be made fool of and rather walk away...Or I don´t cope in the social situation and let myself being overriden by loud or rude people. I know I am weak, but in this case who looses - only me. I wouldn't let them get away with a more serious issue though!

 

[emmaandrew]

Being a coward is different from being cowardly.
I don't like to be Coward , a person who wets himself at every idle threat. Fighting hard is the easiest thing to do, dropping out from it isn't any disgrace if you at the least try. Not fighting back isn't heroic it's pathetic.

Thanks
Emma

 

[coyote]

I know people who are afraid of all sorts of silly things - spiders, snakes, heights, driving too fast, birds, butterflies.... I'm not afraid of any of these things.

Moreover, I've done a bunch of things that most people would probably not consider doing - mountaineering, rock climbing, skydiving, para-sailing. I love rollercoasters, flying, driving really fast. I served for six years in the U.S. Marine Corps, and risked my life a number of times. I worked for 12 years in Emergency Services saving other peoples' lives.

But, yeah, a lot of the time I view myself as a coward.

Because I'm afraid to stand up for myself in situations where I should.
Because I'm afraid to impose on people who I think are better than me (most everyone).
Because I'm afraid to make a fool of myself or look stupid.
Because I'm afraid to make a mistake.

I feel like I've taken every opportunity to make a complete mess out of what should have been a very promising life - and hurt everyone I've ever cared about.

 

[Hellhound]

Those examples are more related to common sense than cowardice.

For now the only example I can think of is a bully. Bullies are cowards for example. They act all rude with people who can't defend themselves, but if they had to face someone bigger and stronger, they would sh*t their pants. The same goes for any other kind of abusers.

 

[Predacon]

I'd have to say for part one definitely leave it, there's a time and a place and backing away from asking for your money in that situation isn't cowardice.

Part twos a little harder because it really depends on the situation, the person there's alot of variables.

Part three I'd be annoyed with the driver, but there is a chance he thought he was taking the right way. Unless I was positive he was trying to cheat me or if the bill was a lot higher then I would expect I'd probably leave it.

 

[worrywort]

I know people who are afraid of all sorts of silly things - spiders, snakes, heights, driving too fast, birds, butterflies.... I'm not afraid of any of these things.

Moreover, I've done a bunch of things that most people would probably not consider doing - mountaineering, rock climbing, skydiving, para-sailing. I love rollercoasters, flying, driving really fast. I served for six years in the U.S. Marine Corps, and risked my life a number of times. I worked for 12 years in Emergency Services saving other peoples' lives.

But, yeah, a lot of the time I view myself as a coward.

Because I'm afraid to stand up for myself in situations where I should.
Because I'm afraid to impose on people who I think are better than me (most everyone).
Because I'm afraid to make a fool of myself or look stupid.
Because I'm afraid to make a mistake.

I feel like I've taken every opportunity to make a complete mess out of what should have been a very promising life - and hurt everyone I've ever cared about.

Yea this is exactly my point, I feel the same way. I feel like quite a brave person in general but it's only in social situations that the fear gets too much for me and I chicken out. But surely, rather than thinking that we're cowards, we should be concluding that our social fears must be greater than spiders, snakes, heights, etc. If you've done all the things you've listed then you are most definitely not a coward, and if you're still afraid of social situations after doing all those things then what must that tell you about the greatness of your social fears?!

It's not that we are too cowardly, it's that our social fears are too great.

I think to be able to distinguish what is cowardice and what not, we first need to have some value system, values that are important to us. If something is very important to you and someone insults it, you will feel very strongly on it which makes you defend it. If nothing is important to you, nothing will make you angry and therefore you will not feel the need to defend it. But in this case it doesn't even seem to be cowardice because it´s not important to them, so rather - lack of character?

hmm, that's an interesting point....the fact that someone even thinks of themselves as a coward, shows that that person must have held certain things to be valuable and that he should defend them but didn't. i.e so a bully probably doesn't even see himself as a coward because he doesn't value his victim or think he's doing anything wrong. Whereas the victim may feel cowardly for not standing up to the bully, because he values himself and he values justice and at least feels he ought to do something to stop the bullying. The bully doesn't even feel an ought.

so if someone thinks they're a coward, at least it shows that they have values and standards and that they're honest enough to admit that they failed to live up to those standards.

 

[Lea]

hmm, that's an interesting point....the fact that someone even thinks of themselves as a coward, shows that that person must have held certain things to be valuable and that he should defend them but didn't. i.e so a bully probably doesn't even see himself as a coward because he doesn't value his victim or think he's doing anything wrong. Whereas the victim may feel cowardly for not standing up to the bully, because he values himself and he values justice and at least feels he ought to do something to stop the bullying. The bully doesn't even feel an ought.

so if someone thinks they're a coward, at least it shows that they have values and standards and that they're honest enough to admit that they failed to live up to those standards.

You put it very well Worrywort! It is difficult to stand up for things if we are shy, but still I would have to shoot myself if I saw somebody doing someone injustice or torturing animals or any other crime, and let them go away with it. No way I would, after all even if we don't dare to stand up to them directly (sometimes this isn't even wise and can be dangerous), we can always go to the police or bring other help. I think there is always something we can do about it, if we care enough.