Kyle_rg
Member
Hey everyone,
I just stumbled upon this forum and I feel that I really need to share my story. I’ve been digging around here and it seems like there’s a lot of people that are still trapped in the intense suffering that I used to experience. This is just my perspective on what has worked for me.
I’m 24 years old now and I’ve finally overcome almost all of my social anxiety and depression issues.
I no longer have awful mood swings or panic attacks. I rarely get depressed or anxious anymore. I feel alive and happy most of the time, for no real reason it seems.
I used to have the worst mood swings, depression and anxiety imaginable. I had all the symptoms of bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder as well as what they call borderline personality disorder. It seems that these “disorders” are just the manifestation of believing thoughts that are not true.
I was extremely unhappy as a child and throughout most of high school. I cried all the time and rarely ever felt good about myself. I have had many, many days of feeling like there’s no point in living anymore. I used to cut myself. I’ve had nights where I can’t sleep because my heart is pounding so fast and the stream of negative thoughts just won’t stop. I’ve had panic attacks that caused me to run from job interviews and bail out at the last minute from dates, parties and other social gatherings. I’ve had that numbing depression that makes you lose interest in absolutely everything for weeks at a time. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had that horrible empty feeling in my chest after the end of a relationship. You know that feeling where you just can’t fill the void and it seems like you would be better off dead, and you can’t stop thinking about the person that left you.
I have a hard time believing how different I am now. During my worst depressions and anxiety attacks, I could not imagine being the way I am now. If someone told me that one day you’re going to get over this and feel happy and alive most of the time, I would have said bullsh*t.
I have had a shift in consciousness, which seems to be the key to ending all mind created suffering. If you bring the root causes of social anxiety into the light, the problem goes away. I’ve decided to dedicate my time to helping people do just that. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I used to feel anymore.
In my opinion, there is probably nothing physically wrong with you. Medication does not seem to be the key in solving your issues, although more research on the human brain is needed to confirm this. You just have to see for yourself that your anxiety causing thoughts are not true. Most of these thoughts are so buried inside of you that you get depressed and anxious and you don’t even know why. I want to bring those thoughts into the light of your consciousness so you can finally let go of them.
The trick is not to try to stop thinking, but to realize for yourself that many of your thoughts are not true and do not serve you any purpose. Then the old thoughts will come up again and you simply don’t believe them anymore. They will let go of you.
I believe the root cause of social anxiety is the thought that you need the approval and acceptance of others to be happy. Not only that, but you may believe that you can actually get someone’s approval and that their approval is important.
Here’s a key exercise that is based on what I learned from a book called “I Need Your Love, Is That True?” by Byron Katie. I'm not saying that this exercise is going to solve all your problems or something, but I'm pretty sure it had a big effect on me when I wrote it out.
Basically, you take a thought that is causing you anxiety and depression, and you work through it until it no longer has the power to make you upset. It’s really easy to do and can stop anxiety and depression very fast, like it did with me.
The process of questioning goes like this:
Try to identify a thought that causes you to feel a negative emotion. Then ask yourself the following questions:
1) Is this thought true?
2) Can I absolutely know that this thought is true?
3) How do I react when I believe this thought?
4) Can I think of a positive, stress free reason to keep believing this thought?
5) Then find reasons to support the opposite of the thought, if possible.
I will use the thought “I need the approval and acceptance of others to be happy” as an example. If you have social anxiety, you surely believe in this thought, even though it is buried deep in your subconscious. It’s not like you walk up to a group of people and say to yourself “I need the approval of these people to be happy”, no, you just automatically feel nervous and you don’t even know why. I’m just speaking from experience here.
Here’s an exact copy of when I first did this exercise:
Thought:
“I need the approval and acceptance of others to be happy”
1) Is this thought true?
Yes, it seems to be true. I feel really good when people seem to like me and approve of me.
2) Can I absolutely know that this thought is true?
Well, no, I guess not. I can’t absolutely know that the thought is true I guess.
3) How do I react when I believe this thought?
Oh god. Well, I’d feel very nervous around you. I’d constantly worry about what you think of me. I would try to get you to like and approve of me by trying to change who I am. I would worry about making you upset, because you might not like me or approve of me. I would feel like you’re better than me. I would always compare myself to you. If you got angry at me or rejected me, I’d feel intense anxiety and depression. I would not be able to stop thinking about it. I would not speak much because I would be afraid that what I have to say might bore you, or even worse, offend you. I would be afraid to tell you what I like and don’t like, because you might not agree. I would avoid you. I might even hate you, especially if you don’t seem to suffer from the same anxiety that I do. I’d be afraid to call you because I might feel like I am a burden to you and you wouldn’t want to hear from me anyways. I’d be afraid of silence in a conversation because I might look dumb. I would always worry about how I looked. I would try to be perfect, all the time, in order not to upset you. I would avoid conflict in my life. I would never really listen to you if we talked, because I’d be mentally preparing what I’m going to say next while you’re speaking. I would be very indecisive, because I’d always be worrying about whether or not you approve of my decisions. I would always be trying to please people. If I have people over and they don’t have a good time, I would feel as though it’s my fault. I would not be able to say no to anything you asked me to do, because I would fear you not liking me or rejecting me. I’d feel like I need medication because I might even think there’s something wrong with me, which is probably not true.
I would never fulfill my dreams, for fear of disapproval.
I would feel dead.
4) Can I think of a positive, stress free reason to keep believing this thought that I need your approval to be happy?
Wow. No. I can’t think of one way in which believing this thought does not cause me anxiety, pain and depression. I guess I can drop it.
5) Can I find reasons to support the opposite of the thought?
I can now see that it’s much truer that I don’t need your approval and acceptance to be happy. If I try to get you to like me, I feel anxiety and depression. I see now that even if I tried, I could never get you to like me. People are always going to have an opinion of me and that will always be 100% out of my control. If someone gets angry at me or does not like me, that is their problem. I can’t actually make someone angry, it’s their choice. I can’t make someone like me, that’s their choice, no matter how “nice” I am. I can’t even make someone attracted to me, I don’t control that. All that I ever have 100% control over is myself.
I found that after doing a few of these exercises, my anxiety would still come up, except that it was no longer a problem. I still get nervous when I have to speak in front of a group of people, but it’s not a big deal. The reason it’s no longer a problem is because I know exactly what’s causing the anxiety. This prevents anxiety from turning into depression.
This is just one of the many unconscious thoughts that cause us anxiety and depression. Let me know if this made you feel better and if you have any questions
I just stumbled upon this forum and I feel that I really need to share my story. I’ve been digging around here and it seems like there’s a lot of people that are still trapped in the intense suffering that I used to experience. This is just my perspective on what has worked for me.
I’m 24 years old now and I’ve finally overcome almost all of my social anxiety and depression issues.
I no longer have awful mood swings or panic attacks. I rarely get depressed or anxious anymore. I feel alive and happy most of the time, for no real reason it seems.
I used to have the worst mood swings, depression and anxiety imaginable. I had all the symptoms of bipolar disorder, social anxiety disorder as well as what they call borderline personality disorder. It seems that these “disorders” are just the manifestation of believing thoughts that are not true.
I was extremely unhappy as a child and throughout most of high school. I cried all the time and rarely ever felt good about myself. I have had many, many days of feeling like there’s no point in living anymore. I used to cut myself. I’ve had nights where I can’t sleep because my heart is pounding so fast and the stream of negative thoughts just won’t stop. I’ve had panic attacks that caused me to run from job interviews and bail out at the last minute from dates, parties and other social gatherings. I’ve had that numbing depression that makes you lose interest in absolutely everything for weeks at a time. I can’t count the number of times I’ve had that horrible empty feeling in my chest after the end of a relationship. You know that feeling where you just can’t fill the void and it seems like you would be better off dead, and you can’t stop thinking about the person that left you.
I have a hard time believing how different I am now. During my worst depressions and anxiety attacks, I could not imagine being the way I am now. If someone told me that one day you’re going to get over this and feel happy and alive most of the time, I would have said bullsh*t.
I have had a shift in consciousness, which seems to be the key to ending all mind created suffering. If you bring the root causes of social anxiety into the light, the problem goes away. I’ve decided to dedicate my time to helping people do just that. I don’t want anyone to feel the way I used to feel anymore.
In my opinion, there is probably nothing physically wrong with you. Medication does not seem to be the key in solving your issues, although more research on the human brain is needed to confirm this. You just have to see for yourself that your anxiety causing thoughts are not true. Most of these thoughts are so buried inside of you that you get depressed and anxious and you don’t even know why. I want to bring those thoughts into the light of your consciousness so you can finally let go of them.
The trick is not to try to stop thinking, but to realize for yourself that many of your thoughts are not true and do not serve you any purpose. Then the old thoughts will come up again and you simply don’t believe them anymore. They will let go of you.
I believe the root cause of social anxiety is the thought that you need the approval and acceptance of others to be happy. Not only that, but you may believe that you can actually get someone’s approval and that their approval is important.
Here’s a key exercise that is based on what I learned from a book called “I Need Your Love, Is That True?” by Byron Katie. I'm not saying that this exercise is going to solve all your problems or something, but I'm pretty sure it had a big effect on me when I wrote it out.
Basically, you take a thought that is causing you anxiety and depression, and you work through it until it no longer has the power to make you upset. It’s really easy to do and can stop anxiety and depression very fast, like it did with me.
The process of questioning goes like this:
Try to identify a thought that causes you to feel a negative emotion. Then ask yourself the following questions:
1) Is this thought true?
2) Can I absolutely know that this thought is true?
3) How do I react when I believe this thought?
4) Can I think of a positive, stress free reason to keep believing this thought?
5) Then find reasons to support the opposite of the thought, if possible.
I will use the thought “I need the approval and acceptance of others to be happy” as an example. If you have social anxiety, you surely believe in this thought, even though it is buried deep in your subconscious. It’s not like you walk up to a group of people and say to yourself “I need the approval of these people to be happy”, no, you just automatically feel nervous and you don’t even know why. I’m just speaking from experience here.
Here’s an exact copy of when I first did this exercise:
Thought:
“I need the approval and acceptance of others to be happy”
1) Is this thought true?
Yes, it seems to be true. I feel really good when people seem to like me and approve of me.
2) Can I absolutely know that this thought is true?
Well, no, I guess not. I can’t absolutely know that the thought is true I guess.
3) How do I react when I believe this thought?
Oh god. Well, I’d feel very nervous around you. I’d constantly worry about what you think of me. I would try to get you to like and approve of me by trying to change who I am. I would worry about making you upset, because you might not like me or approve of me. I would feel like you’re better than me. I would always compare myself to you. If you got angry at me or rejected me, I’d feel intense anxiety and depression. I would not be able to stop thinking about it. I would not speak much because I would be afraid that what I have to say might bore you, or even worse, offend you. I would be afraid to tell you what I like and don’t like, because you might not agree. I would avoid you. I might even hate you, especially if you don’t seem to suffer from the same anxiety that I do. I’d be afraid to call you because I might feel like I am a burden to you and you wouldn’t want to hear from me anyways. I’d be afraid of silence in a conversation because I might look dumb. I would always worry about how I looked. I would try to be perfect, all the time, in order not to upset you. I would avoid conflict in my life. I would never really listen to you if we talked, because I’d be mentally preparing what I’m going to say next while you’re speaking. I would be very indecisive, because I’d always be worrying about whether or not you approve of my decisions. I would always be trying to please people. If I have people over and they don’t have a good time, I would feel as though it’s my fault. I would not be able to say no to anything you asked me to do, because I would fear you not liking me or rejecting me. I’d feel like I need medication because I might even think there’s something wrong with me, which is probably not true.
I would never fulfill my dreams, for fear of disapproval.
I would feel dead.
4) Can I think of a positive, stress free reason to keep believing this thought that I need your approval to be happy?
Wow. No. I can’t think of one way in which believing this thought does not cause me anxiety, pain and depression. I guess I can drop it.
5) Can I find reasons to support the opposite of the thought?
I can now see that it’s much truer that I don’t need your approval and acceptance to be happy. If I try to get you to like me, I feel anxiety and depression. I see now that even if I tried, I could never get you to like me. People are always going to have an opinion of me and that will always be 100% out of my control. If someone gets angry at me or does not like me, that is their problem. I can’t actually make someone angry, it’s their choice. I can’t make someone like me, that’s their choice, no matter how “nice” I am. I can’t even make someone attracted to me, I don’t control that. All that I ever have 100% control over is myself.
I found that after doing a few of these exercises, my anxiety would still come up, except that it was no longer a problem. I still get nervous when I have to speak in front of a group of people, but it’s not a big deal. The reason it’s no longer a problem is because I know exactly what’s causing the anxiety. This prevents anxiety from turning into depression.
This is just one of the many unconscious thoughts that cause us anxiety and depression. Let me know if this made you feel better and if you have any questions
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