limetree
Well-known member
On one hand I understand that extreme low self-esteem can make a relationship very difficult since we accept the love we think we deserve. If you are too afraid to be yourself, you sabotage the person others want to spent time with. Trying to replace the real you with an ideal self will be a difficult, inauthentic facade to maintain. What I don't understand however is why confidence is usually considered the most attractive trait according to pop psych propaganda? Anyone here think confidence is overrated?
I'm somewhat confused by this scenario: When a person who others consider ordinary/substandard all of a sudden becomes popular/pulls off a skill that they are not great at just because others perceive them to be confident. Does it make them funnier, prettier, more intelligent etc? Sometimes not, the only difference being that others' opinions don't affect them and they're willing to challenge themselves. Don't get me wrong, this is an admirable trait but not caring what others think can also be reckless and uncompromising without sufficient overlap with arrogance.
Are people just giving pageant answers when they say confidence affects their perception of talent, beauty etc bc it's a generic quality that almost anyone "should be able to" develop? Can you learn to become comfortable with the fact that you have insecurities? I think you can still have self-worth/respect without self-confidence, just being very wary about not coming across arrogant or overestimating yourself.
I dunno I just hate the idea of fake it til you make it, why should you try to hide your insecurities? That would cause more anxiety for me because I'd have to keep up the "I've always got my shit together" act. I find that I become more confident when someone accepts me after I've divulged my vulnerabilities. I don't do this to just anyone obviously, but when I do I'm testing whether they're understanding enough to be worth my time. I am drawn to people with low self-esteem, not bc they're doormats, but they tend to be more accepting, humble and sensitive.
I don't tend to judge people based on who they think they are, but who I perceive them to be regardless. Of course who I perceive them to be is influenced by who they think they are thus project but it's not everything. I know someone who complains about how fat, stupid, ugly he is which is not true, and even the self-deprecating is not off-putting to me. Perhaps I only feel this way bc I'd be hypocritical not to, idk.
I can understand why it's also frustrating, I hate it when someone popular I find beautiful complains about how unlovable they are, I feel as though they're taking themselves for granted. If it's someone who has received their fair share of shit for simply existing though, I will find them much easier to empathise with.
btw this was my first topic post, kinda scary since I'm more used to replying. Believe it or not it's part of my exposure therapy hw- to initiate online conversation once a day for a week with a different source each time, divulging a chunk of my thoughts I would normally keep tucked up inside. I might even muster up the courage to call a friend later.
I'm somewhat confused by this scenario: When a person who others consider ordinary/substandard all of a sudden becomes popular/pulls off a skill that they are not great at just because others perceive them to be confident. Does it make them funnier, prettier, more intelligent etc? Sometimes not, the only difference being that others' opinions don't affect them and they're willing to challenge themselves. Don't get me wrong, this is an admirable trait but not caring what others think can also be reckless and uncompromising without sufficient overlap with arrogance.
Are people just giving pageant answers when they say confidence affects their perception of talent, beauty etc bc it's a generic quality that almost anyone "should be able to" develop? Can you learn to become comfortable with the fact that you have insecurities? I think you can still have self-worth/respect without self-confidence, just being very wary about not coming across arrogant or overestimating yourself.
I dunno I just hate the idea of fake it til you make it, why should you try to hide your insecurities? That would cause more anxiety for me because I'd have to keep up the "I've always got my shit together" act. I find that I become more confident when someone accepts me after I've divulged my vulnerabilities. I don't do this to just anyone obviously, but when I do I'm testing whether they're understanding enough to be worth my time. I am drawn to people with low self-esteem, not bc they're doormats, but they tend to be more accepting, humble and sensitive.
I don't tend to judge people based on who they think they are, but who I perceive them to be regardless. Of course who I perceive them to be is influenced by who they think they are thus project but it's not everything. I know someone who complains about how fat, stupid, ugly he is which is not true, and even the self-deprecating is not off-putting to me. Perhaps I only feel this way bc I'd be hypocritical not to, idk.
I can understand why it's also frustrating, I hate it when someone popular I find beautiful complains about how unlovable they are, I feel as though they're taking themselves for granted. If it's someone who has received their fair share of shit for simply existing though, I will find them much easier to empathise with.
btw this was my first topic post, kinda scary since I'm more used to replying. Believe it or not it's part of my exposure therapy hw- to initiate online conversation once a day for a week with a different source each time, divulging a chunk of my thoughts I would normally keep tucked up inside. I might even muster up the courage to call a friend later.
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