Complaining About Therapists

[Diend]

I went to my first paid therapist visit and was turned off by his impatience. I changed therapists and noticed that both of them wanted to blame me for my problems. The male therapists I went to were middle-aged and old respectively. They both said that they didn't know how to deal with my anxiety situation. I felt like I was talking to a regular person. My impressions of them were quite bad and I had originally planned on becoming a therapist one day.

 

[Earthcircle]

I had well over a decade of therapy with many different therapists. If someone were to ask me how the therapy hurt me over the years, I could easily give a list. If someone were to ask me how I benefited from therapy, it would be hard to think of anything. Therapists tend to get angry if I say something like that, but they seem to be easily offended anyway. In fact, even therapists outside the therapy context -- one could meet a therapist almost anywhere, of course -- seem to be very touchy, judgmental, short-tempered people. The idea that I have to go through years of therapy and move along through the right sequence of transferences before I can have friends or a family is a very heavy and oppressive thought. Therapy is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. In fact, I don't even know if it is possible. Staying in therapy and free-associating for years is possible, but the "working through" seems to be impossible.

 

[S_Spartan]

I have gone to exactly one therapy session in my life and what a joke it was!

It was $25 for one hour and I was hellbent on getting my money worth so I talked as much as possible.

When the therapist talked all he had to say was "fluff".

At one point he said that I need to make more friends. Well, umm, that ain't exactly easy to do when you are in your 40s. People my age aren't out there just waiting for some new friends to come into their life. By this age people have learned to keep strangers at a comfortable distance. Which is understandable because by the time you reach middle age you have been burned enough times to know to all the ways that people suck.

Then he ended it all by saying that he thought I was fine and "that will be $25".

Then he went out of business two weeks later.

But it did feel good to unload everything in that hour. I just talked and talked. Guess that was worth the 25!

I don't even know if he was listening to me. Probably thinking about how he had to get the kids to tball later that day.

 

[Earthcircle]

I have gone to exactly one therapy session in my life and what a joke it was!

It was $25 for one hour and I was hellbent on getting my money worth so I talked as much as possible.

When the therapist talked all he had to say was "fluff".

At one point he said that I need to make more friends. Well, umm, that ain't exactly easy to do when you are in your 40s. People my age aren't out there just waiting for some new friends to come into their life. By this age people have learned to keep strangers at a comfortable distance. Which is understandable because by the time you reach middle age you have been burned enough times to know to all the ways that people suck.

Then he ended it all by saying that he thought I was fine and "that will be $25".

Then he went out of business two weeks later.

But it did feel good to unload everything in that hour. I just talked and talked. Guess that was worth the 25!

I don't even know if he was listening to me. Probably thinking about how he had to get the kids to tball later that day.

When was this? I think therapists charge about 200 dollars per hour nowadays. I'm jealous of anyone who stops to think about their kids. I'll never have kids. I am completely and utterly alone.

And you're right. Who wants to befriend a middle aged man. I bet you that if someone plays an association game and says the word "Creepy," an image of a middle aged man would enter one's mind.

 

[Nanita]

I have gone to 5 therapists longterm. One was was shockingly horrible. Two were just useless. One was decent. And one was/is really good.

 

[Kiwong]

I've see two therapists one was really helpful. The other was not very helpful at all. Same with counsellors, one was unhelpful, another was very helpful. None of the therapists really cured anything they gave me some ideas and techniques to work on.

 

[S_Spartan]

When was this? I think therapists charge about 200 dollars per hour nowadays. I'm jealous of anyone who stops to think about their kids. I'll never have kids. I am completely and utterly alone.

And you're right. Who wants to befriend a middle aged man. I bet you that if someone plays an association game and says the word "Creepy," an image of a middle aged man would enter one's mind.

This was two years ago. He had a small little shop in this small backwards town I'm in.

It didn't last long. He even told me that day that it was just a side business for him. Guess that is why it was so cheap.

My gp suggested I go to him because I was stressed and my blood pressure was up.

Yep! The textbook definition of a "creeper" is a middle aged white male. And to make matters worse I have been told that I have "evil" eyes and that I look like a criminal. So there's that.

It is very hard to make real friends at this age. Most people do not want bothered. They are usually busy busy busy! Oh did I mention that they are BUSY?!?!?

They have to drop this one at tball and that one at tumbling class, wait in line at McDonalds for the nuggets, pick up a few things at Walmart, switch the car seats between the cars, vacuum, unload the dishwasher, pay bills, walk the dog, put the kids to bed, all of this after working a job all day.

Not much time to meet n greet with someone new. Not even time to hold on to the old friends.

 

[MikeyC]

A lot of generalisations going on in this thread....

My impressions of them were quite bad and I had originally planned on becoming a therapist one day.

What's stopping you? This one guy?

The thing with therapists is that they're also people, not some emotionless, completely intelligent androids. They're humans with their own flaws and ideas. And, just like in society, sometimes you don't click with the first therapist you see. Just like how you don't marry your first partner (mostly), or you don't enjoy your favourite kids movie anymore, you do need to find a therapist that you're compatible with.

The idea that I have to go through years of therapy and move along through the right sequence of transferences before I can have friends or a family is a very heavy and oppressive thought. Therapy is one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do. In fact, I don't even know if it is possible. Staying in therapy and free-associating for years is possible, but the "working through" seems to be impossible.

Therapy is not a rapid fix. Nobody can expect to go to one or two sessions of therapy and be instantly cured. It doesn't work that way and if you do, then you're going to therapy for the wrong reason. It takes a lot of time and effort to make it work for you.

From what you've written, it seems you've been unwilling to accept that it will take a lot of time. Maybe you've not seen the right people, either.

I have gone to exactly one therapy session in my life and what a joke it was!

It was $25 for one hour and I was hellbent on getting my money worth so I talked as much as possible.

When the therapist talked all he had to say was "fluff".

At one point he said that I need to make more friends. Well, umm, that ain't exactly easy to do when you are in your 40s. People my age aren't out there just waiting for some new friends to come into their life. By this age people have learned to keep strangers at a comfortable distance. Which is understandable because by the time you reach middle age you have been burned enough times to know to all the ways that people suck.

No, you did this wrong. You can't be hellbent on getting your money's worth, because that makes it seem you only want to go once and expect it to work. Therapy doesn't work that way, I'm sorry.

This thread is a little bit annoying because there's so much expectation on a psychologist to get it right immediately, even before they know your name or any details about why you're there. It takes time to get it out there so they can help you. It's up to you to put in the time to see a therapist, and the effort to make it work. If you don't like the psychologist you're seeing, see another one. If you don't like them, see another one. If you want therapy to fix you quick, don't bother because you'll be wasting your time.

 

[BlueDays]

It is really difficult to find a good therapist that has in depth knowledge about how to treat anxiety.
Some seem to have just glossed over those chapters in their text book, lol.

I have been personally insulted, expected to "discover" my own ways to overcome it by one (even after 6 weeks of him just sitting there expecting me to do all the talking and him hardly muttering a full sentence each session), and another one who just repeat what is written in a self-help book (almost exactly verbatim) I know, because I own the book, and then expected me to fix myself with that. h:

But, there are some who have studied anxiety well and are in therapy for the passion of helping people, not just to sit there say a few rehearsed words and collect your payment.

The good one I finally found was worth it. Their help made this more bearable for me if anything. So you just have to keep searching for one who is competent, as I said it is worth the trouble. :thumbup:

 

[Earthcircle]

I was in therapy for well over a decade, with many different therapists. Look, if you spend years working intensely on writing a book, you will probably end up having written a book. If you spend years working intensely on getting an advanced degree, you will probably end up with an advanced degree. But it is not unusual at all to spend years working intensely on therapy and still get nowhere. I have experienced all three, in fact. I sometimes wonder if a lot of shy people put lots of time and effort into therapy when they could perhaps be putting that time and effort into finding friends. Therapy in a way is less scary, and it gives one a sense -- perhaps a false sense -- that one is doing something about one's isolation.

 

[Kiwong]

One on my consellors seemed to be more educated about social anxiety and its treatment than a psychologist that I saw.

 

[ascendedOne]

Therapy is extremely flaud. Therapy deals with the mind, and the human mind is so convoluted right now. What is the point of talking to a stranger about your past? It solves nothing except for bringing up more old issues. Most people think that therapy works for them because they assume that because they are talking about all of their problems that they are doing something positive. This is not true at all. All you are doing is trying to fix mind problems by rehashing even more mind problems, therapy is actually terrible for you. Most people start to realize this after seeing therapists for an extended period of time and leave therapy.

 

[Earthcircle]

Therapy is extremely flaud. Therapy deals with the mind, and the human mind is so convoluted right now. What is the point of talking to a stranger about your past? It solves nothing except for bringing up more old issues. Most people think that therapy works for them because they assume that because they are talking about all of their problems that they are doing something positive. This is not true at all. All you are doing is trying to fix mind problems by rehashing even more mind problems, therapy is actually terrible for you. Most people start to realize this after seeing therapists for an extended period of time and leave therapy.

I know that people are going to say that the above is terribly wrong, but I must say that it agrees with my experience perfectly. And I was in therapy for well over a decade; I tried very hard. When it had any effect at all, it made me worse. Sometimes it made me much much worse, and that is because I was trying so hard. So please don't say that I wanted it to fail. That is not true.

 

[darrens]

I would sort of agree,although therapy can make you feel a bit better and it's nice to have someone listen to you talk i don't believe it will do anything for the problem.
I firmly believe the best cure would be group therapy with a group of social anxiety sufferer's has anyone tried this?
Pretty sure this would work wonder's i would have loved to try something like this,but you don't get many of these around where i am,and it would be difficult,expensive possibly but a lot of reasons why i wouldn't be in it,but i feel this would work wonders.

 

[Lilly789]

I agree there are way too many therapists that are terrible. Firstly, you need to go to one that has solid experience in anxiety - not all do. Just like you wouldn't go to a florist to get your lawn mowed, even though they both deal with plants, or an oncologist for a heart problem - both doctors, but two very different things.

But one thing really stands out - you say "I changed therapists and noticed that both of them wanted to blame me for my problems."

What did you expect them to say?

Your behavioural responses, which is why you are at a therapist, don't come from anyone else but you. Im pretty sure neither of them said "its your fault" rather, they would be wanting you to acknowledge you are responsible for your behavioural responses, and that you are responsible on working on them to change them, which would have led you to feel like they are "blaming" you.

SA is not a psychiatric condition, its a sociopathological one. This means once you understand where its coming from, how its there, you can work out ways of managing it - these are behaviour and cognitive. This totally comes from you, no one else. There's no magic pill. Tablets might help the symptoms, but they don't help the behaviours and thoughts - you need to put some effort in.

They are right - they will be unable to help you unless you understand and acknowledge your issues. But I suspect part of the problem might be that you are quite young (?) and might need to read up a little on psychological issues and where they (ALL OF THEM) stem from. and how they in turn make the body react. It might help you understand how it works.

SA does not make you think differently. You have SA because you think differently.

 

[ascendedOne]

Shrinks cannot help anyone, period. All they do is deal with the mind, they do not take into account the soul, spirit, past lives, energy; all they deal with is the mind. They do not even understand the mind, ask a shrink where thoughts come from and see if they can answer. They won't be able to. A person never EVER needs to see a shrink, unless they want to put themselves through that sort of torment. All a person needs is to have self love for themselves and this starts with simple but deep breathing. Having compassion for yourself is the first step to finding true inner peace, it is so easy to obtain, but yet most people make it very difficult on themselves. Dealing with the mind will never EVER get a person into a place of true self understanding. The mind is limited, as are thoughts and emotions. Nothing that comes from the mind is of any real significance to a person. That is why shrinks, who deal only with the mind, are toxic for humans.

 

[S_Spartan]

Shrinks cannot help anyone, period. All they do is deal with the mind, they do not take into account the soul, spirit, past lives, energy; all they deal with is the mind. They do not even understand the mind, ask a shrink where thoughts come from and see if they can answer. They won't be able to. A person never EVER needs to see a shrink, unless they want to put themselves through that sort of torment. All a person needs is to have self love for themselves and this starts with simple but deep breathing. Having compassion for yourself is the first step to finding true inner peace, it is so easy to obtain, but yet most people make it very difficult on themselves. Dealing with the mind will never EVER get a person into a place of true self understanding. The mind is limited, as are thoughts and emotions. Nothing that comes from the mind is of any real significance to a person. That is why shrinks, who deal only with the mind, are toxic for humans.

Well I can agree with the idea that shrinks are over-rated. They are really just there to either stimulate, stroke, or admonish the ego.

Plus, I have never been comfortable with the idea that they have a standard guidebook (the DSM) that outlines how a healthy human being should act.

I don't agree about the self-love because any peace can only be obtained from the crucifixion of the ego as it is the ego that is always keeping score and calculating all the ways that we should be unhappy. The term "self love" implies an amplification of the ego.

 

[Earthcircle]

I'm glad that this thread has not -- at least not yet -- elicited the anger which I think it would on another site. The suggestion that therapy in general, including psychiatry, is seriously flawed is a suggestion that really offends a few people. But it's important. People should talk about it. The fact is that therapists bear a disturbingly close resemblance to faith healers, who take money and provide no help. What is even worse is that, very often, they take money from the same person for years without helping them. At least a faith healer will move from victim to victim, at least normally. This issue needs to be addressed somehow, and I don't think one should assume that the answer will necessarily be better forms of therapy. Maybe the real solution is not sitting alone in a room with someone who takes notes, and money, and makes occasional vague comments. Maybe the solution is something completely different. Maybe it doesn't even cost anything.

 

[Zod]

I've never heard positive things about therapists...People go there, and actually reinforce their problems and problematic past by continuing talking about it. The only way to deal with challenges is in the here and now.

 

[Earthcircle]

I've never heard positive things about therapists...People go there, and actually reinforce their problems and problematic past by continuing talking about it. The only way to deal with challenges is in the here and now.

I'm not sure I understand the last part. Surely, one has to make plans for the future and have strong desires regarding the future or one will end up nowhere. Or so I would think. One can be in the here and now for a few moments, say, while gazing at a sunset or meditating. But generally, one has to be goal-directed. As for the rest of what you wrote, I'm afraid I have to agree. Therapy pretty much serves to rub in this idea that there is something wrong with you. Therapists even encourage this: they call it insight. That said, I have been intrigued lately by something called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. But I am learning it from a book, and I don't see why one would have to visit a therapist for it. It seems reasonable though, for what it is.