Co-depencency

[Overload]

I'm certain I'm codependent. Here's a link Mental Health America: Co-dependency

Characteristics (almost all of these describe me)
* An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
* A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
* A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
* A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
* An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
* An extreme need for approval and recognition
* A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
* A compelling need to control others
* Lack of trust in self and/or others
* Fear of being abandoned or alone
* Difficulty identifying feelings
* Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
* Problems with intimacy/boundaries
* Chronic anger
* Lying/dishonesty
* Poor communications
* Difficulty making decisions

Does this describe anyone else? I'm pretty sure it's the root of most of my anxiety problems.

 

[agoraphobickatie]

i think i can tend to be co-dependent, but not many of those characteristics relate to me =/

..anyway, your avatar just made me want to go smoke a cigarette, ha

 

[coyote]

sign me up

 

[bsebring]

yes, yes I am.

 

[Mokkat]

most of the points fit me pretty well

 

[Phoenixx]

It doesn't fit me 100%, but I definitely do share some of those characteristics.

 

[Feathers]

yup, I can relate to some stuff there too ...

the question is, how to stop it? how to change yourself etc?

Their answer: therapy, there are CoDa support groups too, not sure if in my country...

How is Co-dependency Treated?

Because co-dependency is usually rooted in a person’s childhood, treatment often involves exploration into early childhood issues and their relationship to current destructive behavior patterns. Treatment includes education, experiential groups, and individual and group therapy through which co-dependents rediscover themselves and identify self-defeating behavior patterns. Treatment also focuses on helping patients getting in touch with feelings that have been buried during childhood and on reconstructing family dynamics. The goal is to allow them to experience their full range of feelings again.

Well, I did much of that myself via books and workshops - then returned home and it wasn't appreciated They preferred the more 'dysfunctional' before-state!

So for anyone willing to work on this - don't move back home! Or really have clear set expectations (and eg rules and consequences and boundaries) etc discussed in advance..

There is more description here: New Patterns of Codependency (again, I relate to some stuff, and not to other...)

Not sure if it's more helpful to look at it separately and eg work on Self Esteem or Avoidance and then on other things, or to look at the whole package together? (maybe if you have support of a good therapist or support group at least?)

difficulty making decisions can also come from ADD or other problems (or too much computer use) so I'm not sure if they're not just jumbling it all up (at least in some cases)?

don't know if there's a non-12-step program or non-religious? does anyone know?
Has anyone been treated for this or went to CoDa or AlAnon?

 

[Overload]

I think it all just comes down to being able to make yourself happy, and not expecting that happiness to come from an outside source.

 

[Minty]

This sounds a bit like my sister.