cmon its not that bad :)

[Argamemnon]

For Marie: I couldn´t reply yesterday because of the post limit, but I think you hit the nail on the head with depersonalization disorder. I just looked it up in Wikipedia and think that´s exactly what I have - in case it´s not autism. I feel dead inside, like shell, robot. But I don´t have all the symptoms described there - for example I know when I look in the mirror that it´s me, I can smell and taste food.. but basically it must be exatly this. As if I was behind some glass wall, cannot taste and experience life directly. I feel like out of control over the reactions of my body. Feeling as if I had no thoughts, just exist, stare into space.. That´s why I often ask myself if I am not just stupid. I remember various people wondering, if I take some drugs? Medications? Or just the opposite, telling me I SHOULD take medications I am a zombie.

OMG, I feel exactly like that. I have never explained this before on this forum, because I didn't know how. I've never heard of depersonalization disorder.

 

[Argamemnon]

its ya fucking job to smile mate, dont act like its a big deal! lol

It's often a big deal for me. I think anyone who claims it isn't a big deal has probably never experienced social anxiety, or whatever it is that we are suffering from. I sometimes feel so anxious that I would prefer to die. It is really that painful. I have absolutely no reason to exaggerate, why would I do that? I'm an honest person.

 

[Marie_knowsbest]

ull proberly find some of the traits of depersonilzation disorder the same as social phobia, but dont mix the two together. the are very different although sounds the same. i will post some information of the differences for you lot some time tonight if u like.

 

[Dave_McFadden]

EXACTLY. Thank you. the original poster and marie-troll have no idea what they are talking about. i never post on suicide threads and they assume we don't try at all. like i don't smile at people. like i don't say hi and talk to people. i am a WAITRESS. i say hi and smile all the fucking time. i TRY all the fucking time. i have submerged myself in interactive social situations and my anxiety and fears have not gone away at all. these people are trolls with a bunch of assumptions and zero understanding.

Is being a waitress really a "social" situation? Sure, you have to interact with people, and you have to smile, etc. But that's the point..you HAVE to act all happy and do all these things, because you're in a servile position at your job. Do you have anxiety and fear when you're in a "normal" social situation, like, say, at a gathering where you can't be threatened with losing your job, or other dire consequences, if you don't "perform" up to someone else's standard?

I've never been a waiter (thank goodness) but I wouldn't think that it counts as "social" in the same way as having to say, mingle with a group of strangers. What do you think?

 

[dottie]

EXACTLY. Thank you. the original poster and marie-troll have no idea what they are talking about. i never post on suicide threads and they assume we don't try at all. like i don't smile at people. like i don't say hi and talk to people. i am a WAITRESS. i say hi and smile all the fucking time. i TRY all the fucking time. i have submerged myself in interactive social situations and my anxiety and fears have not gone away at all. these people are trolls with a bunch of assumptions and zero understanding.

Is being a waitress really a "social" situation? Sure, you have to interact with people, and you have to smile, etc. But that's the point..you HAVE to act all happy and do all these things, because you're in a servile position at your job. Do you have anxiety and fear when you're in a "normal" social situation, like, say, at a gathering where you can't be threatened with losing your job, or other dire consequences, if you don't "perform" up to someone else's standard?

I've never been a waiter (thank goodness) but I wouldn't think that it counts as "social" in the same way as having to say, mingle with a group of strangers. What do you think?

you're kidding, right?

 

[Richey]

That was an odd thing to say 8O ..

yeh i'm not sure, maybe dave hasn't grasped what its like in the hospitality industry and the demand of interaction that is required not only with the staff around you but also the customers and patrons you have to meet and greet with casual conversation and chit-chat that is as normal as anywhere you go but for an entire shift literally the whole time, its not like and office job or even a retail job, its very demanding

 

[Dave_McFadden]

I'm not saying that waitressing doesn't involve interacting with other people. In that sense, it's social. In a past life, I was a busboy, and while I didn't have to talk to customers nearly as much as the waitresses, it still wasn't the same thing as, say, being at school, around other students, or making small talk with casual acquaintances. I mean, you can't always talk to a customer the same way you'd talk with a friend or peer outside of work.

The point I was trying to make is that it's a different type of interaction than, say, if you were going to party where you might not know everyone. In the one case, it's your job, so that if someone says something offensive or treats you badly, you pretty much have to grin and bear it, where in the other case, you're more free to disagree, or to just tell them flat out what you think. Both of these are "social" in the sense that you have to interact with strangers, but, to me anyway, they seem like different kinds of interactions.

 

[Marie_knowsbest]

i agree with dave.

 

[dottie]

your opinion of what qualifies as "social" doesn't consitute my anxiety. here is a definition of social anxiety from social-anxiety-network.com

Social anxiety is the fear of social situations and the interaction with other people that can automatically bring on feelings of self-consciousness, judgment, evaluation, and inferiority.

Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated negatively by other people, leading to feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, humiliation, and depression.

being on a social anxiety forum i am baffled that i would have to justify how waiting tables triggers anxiety. being a server doesn't just make you an order taker. you are expected to mingle with tables. they often ask questions, want to talk to you about the most random bullshit like you are an old friend or something. there is a ton of small talk involved, they expect you to charm them. and all the while their eyes are always on you because they are waiting for their food or their check. when you go to other tables, they often watch you because they have nothing else to do. also, the owners and coworkers watch your performance. servers can be very cliquey, especially if they've been there a long time. basically, it's like i am being judged by everyone- staff and customers- the entire time.

whether YOU want to call this "social anxiety" or not, this is something i experience.

 

[Locco1988]

i dont think me or dave was questioning wether you have social anxiety or not, i think dave was more saying that there is a difference between casual and proffesional socialising, and i understand that there would be more anxiety in a casual social enviournment, generally, maybe not all the time.
and u didnt actualy explain your job role really till now, just said waitress, which most people assume you just take orders, refill drinks, bring out food, get the bill...not also providing entertainment.
maybe you should just find a new job then. i dont see a solution otherwise, becuase this is going round in circles really. people have put foward options for you. so i guess its up to you.

 

[VioletTears]

I think that different people find different social situations more or less stressful... For example, some people can interact just fine in a group of people but ask them to give a speech and they end up having a panic attack while others can actually give speeches with rather little trouble but fall apart when they have to make small talk. I think that each of us can decide what is most stressful for US but we can't assume that someone else would feel the same way.

I find that my expectation to perform well at work causes a ton of anxiety AND that my anxiety prevents me from being able to perform... such as, I'm expected to call parents but often avoid calling because I'm too affraid, then my anxiety spikes even higher because I'm affraid I'll be in trouble for not calling... or, I'm expected to designate tasks to other people but I'm affraid to ask people to do things so then I get criticized for showing poor leadership I'm sure I would make a horrible waitress because I would be so nervous I would forget the order or drop the tray or not hear what someone told me when they said what they wanted... That sounds like hell to me But I also find simple situations like interacting with my in laws or talking to neighbors and things like that very stressful, too, though... even talking to my own relatives... I just blank out and never know what to say to people...

 

[Lexmark]

That thread pisses me off
To say and think that then you never had SP to the extent most of us have

 

[Locco1988]

well your reply pisses me off, becuase you know nothing about this person, he might of had it 10 times worse than you do! he might not have had as worse than you.
because your obviously jealous. dont hate on him for getting better.

 

[Avoidance]

Grats but the words you used were harsh, some people have different degrees of SA and PA. Did you not ever think about suicide over your 7 year period? Do you remember your lowest point? Some hear might be at their lowest point. If you really are one us you know stereotype words like sitting on you ass playing Video games and feeling sorry for are selves, not trying, no effort and mocking us telling us to cry, doesn’t make us feel too well.You said Just look at people eyes don’t look away. I mean come on you are ridiculous, you think it’s thats easy for the rest of us? If anything someone who doesn’t suffer from SA would think the worst about us after reading that.

Grats on you success pal but I am not sitting on my ass not trying. If anything I feel worse after reading what you wrote, I hear that crap every day (just look at people in the eyes just try)and it doesn’t help or motivate me. I came here to vent talk with people who are understanding and support.

And Maryknowsbest has told people they are pathetic here. Thats breaking the golden rule. And if you think thats support then you two will make great friends

 

[Locco1988]

hey atleast weve sorted out our problems, cant hold that against us. when u say do u think its easy for us to look people in the eye..no ones saying it should be easy, thats the hole point! you need to push yaself, ya need to cry sometimes because its all to hard, and sometimes you need to hear stuff like he put in his original post, coz its all true!
I feel for people who have problems i truly do, but spending alot of time on this site has made me realise that 50% of the problem is not helping yourself.
did u think it was easy for me to basicly reprogram all my cognitive behaviour? did you think it was easy for me to try and explain to people why i would go ape shit for 'no reason' because in fact it was either that or cry in front of people beacuse i felt that awful about myself? no it werent easy, but u get on with it. so dont give me that shit. 'its not easy' duh. thats the hole point! it took me about 4 years of it not being easy, and where i am now is leaps and bounds infront of most other people. im one of the most self asured people i know now! 'it ent easy'....pah! no shit sherlock.

 

[Avoidance]

There you go you stated “at least we sorted out our problems”, as if there is something wrong because I didn’t yet. Get off your high horse..

Who said anyone is holding your success against you? And wake up man no one is jealous. :roll: lol stop using that as a lame excuse to be a jerk.

And how do you know I’m not pushing my self? And what he said isn’t true for every one, I do not need a kick in the ass it has the opposite effect on me. Thats my point!. If it’s not easy, then stop busting my balls dip shit. I hear the same shit from people in my family who don’t understand. It took you four years then shut up I’m still struggling. You should be more understanding and I don’t want to hear to get off my ass and don’t walk around with my head down. I’m busting my ass over here so stfu.

 

[Avoidance]

The op edited his thread by the way. And what he originally said was different. Thats lame so much for a fair debate.

 

[Locco1988]

hey, i wanna apolagise. i was alot harsher than i ment, i dunno why i bit your head off then, i still agree with what i said, but im sorry for it sounding like i was havin ago at you because ur still struggling, i didnt mean that.
'atleast we've sorted out r problems' was ment to be more of a 'we found a way that suited us, and you need to find one that suits you'.

but i mean, i dont think sikwitt ment it how he put it accros niether, theres no real 'nice' was to put 'get of ur arse'. not saying u dont get get of ur arse, but some people dont on here. i mean its frustrating for you to see people saying this worked for me, so you should do it too and stop moaning. but its also frustrating for us to see people always moaning, but never really appreaciating peoples attempts to offer some advice and things to try. because all you get is 'dont u think i tried that!!!' like people r shouting at you for merely trying to put accross a maybe idea that might help.

i mean sikwitt is cured now. so am i. were not here to vent, were here to help in posts that we see that maybe we can help in. or post topics when we ave some ideas.

your all here for one reason. to try and cure SA, kindly people who have...dont just fuck off, they come back to try and help, and all they get is shit when they do. it does make u want to mouth off and be offensive, coz its like a slap in the face, and then when u do mouth off you get 'wheres ur understanding' and even accused of not ever having SA!! and really the only people who got a chance in helping you, are the ones who are now cured. like sikwitt.