Can't stop staring at people
- Thread starter John S
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Trishanku
Well-known member
I also look a bit like drunk these days IDk. i dont drink or smoke. I switched palces at my home for watching TV i sit very near to the screen on the right side of it. worse still now brother who used to sit at the far left of the room now sits in seat next to mine.
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I don't like to use the bathroom too when my downstair neighbors are using it because i think they can hear each foot step i make, so I would have to slowy sneak inside like i'm sneaking into someones bathroom to steal something
When exiting i leave the door a little open so they won't hear it open when i come back in, or i'll shut it real quietly.
I sneak into too. When I used to live upstairs, I wore slippers and it was very hard to sneak because my footsteps still make visibly detectable noises. Eventually, my neighbors downstairs make it a point to know our schedule. When I lived downstairs, it was easier. I would walk gently, sometimes taking big steps, to the bathroom and close the door gently. I try to do my business as slowly as I could to avoid making loud noises.
I've been called out for staring, but I've also been called out for NOT staring. It's weird I know. I just remembered an incident on the bus many years back. I was sitting there minding my own business when a guy kept staring at me. I looked away and pretended not to notice. Eventually the girl beside him (his girlfriend?) said in a loud voice that I was rude and called me an urchin. She started saying that back in their country (they look like foreign students), I would be ridiculed by the people. I could pick up a little bit of what they're saying because I could understand their language a bit. I got mad and looked at them and they looked away and pretended to not notice me. This went on for a bit. They kept looking and talking about me and when I look at them, they just look somewhere else.
I was livid, wanted to yell at them and tell them how conceited they are. It also hurts that the b*tch called me an "urchin" because she doesn't know me. I've known many people who are way worse than me, so I don't deserve to be called that. Eventually when I got off the bus, I feel so relieved. The next day, the bus came and missed my spot so I ran after the bus. When I got on, I saw that b*tch from yesterday. She was laughing at me. Now who's the "bad guy", huh? That b*tch was so self-righteous.
I'm just not sure what to think anymore. I get ridiculed even when I DON'T look at people, but I think it's a cultural thing. In some countries like America and the West, it's not polite to stare. But in other countries like China and Cambodia, the elders (people older than you) can stare at you all they want and they expect you to greet them first. If you don't greet them, it's considered rude and impolite.
I don't even know that couple who demeaned me on the bus. In fact, we're virtually strangers. It's the first time I'Ve seen them. So why should I greet them? I have no reason to. Plus, there were many other people on the bus. Why do they want me to greet them but not anybody else? The guy was staring at me hard, like he expected something from me. I just ignored him but he and his girl got mad for whatever reason.
Anyways, I got to move on from this. It's been eating at me for many years.
I was livid, wanted to yell at them and tell them how conceited they are. It also hurts that the b*tch called me an "urchin" because she doesn't know me. I've known many people who are way worse than me, so I don't deserve to be called that. Eventually when I got off the bus, I feel so relieved. The next day, the bus came and missed my spot so I ran after the bus. When I got on, I saw that b*tch from yesterday. She was laughing at me. Now who's the "bad guy", huh? That b*tch was so self-righteous.
I'm just not sure what to think anymore. I get ridiculed even when I DON'T look at people, but I think it's a cultural thing. In some countries like America and the West, it's not polite to stare. But in other countries like China and Cambodia, the elders (people older than you) can stare at you all they want and they expect you to greet them first. If you don't greet them, it's considered rude and impolite.
I don't even know that couple who demeaned me on the bus. In fact, we're virtually strangers. It's the first time I'Ve seen them. So why should I greet them? I have no reason to. Plus, there were many other people on the bus. Why do they want me to greet them but not anybody else? The guy was staring at me hard, like he expected something from me. I just ignored him but he and his girl got mad for whatever reason.
Anyways, I got to move on from this. It's been eating at me for many years.
Did you have the starring peripheral problem at that time? That could be the reason why they were looking at you that way. Because there are times when people (mostly girls though) that look at me that way if i end up paying too much attention to them from my peripheral or any where on my field of view. But they usually look away or move somewhere else to get away from me. They sometime even give me a "What the f*ck are you staring at?" kind of look.
There was this one time in the bus when i was sitting next to the window side. This girl sitting next me was trying to look at the direction i was looking at from the window because she couldn't look the other way. Every time she would look at the direction i was looking i would focus on her from the peripheral.
She started to notice what i was doing and then looked at me for the longest time (probably 10 seconds or more) even though i was trying hard not to look at her. But I finally gave up and looked at her, she was looking at me with a "What the Hell?" laughing look like I'm some kind of retarded kid then moved to the front of the bus to where i couldn't see her.
This made me so mad because i couldn't say nothing back to her even though she looked at me like I'm mentally ill. But the next time i saw her walking by herself she didn't say anything or look at me. I knew she knew who i was, she was just trying to act like she didn't know me
Not really. I was sitting a bit far from the guy and girl. I only looked at them once or twice, maybe 1-2 seconds each, and that's it. Then I tried to look at the front of the bus as much as I can, even tilting my body a bit forward (I diagonnally across from them but a bit far away), so that I won't see them from my peripheral vision. I must have overdone it because they probably think I am avoiding them, felt repelled by them, etc, so they got angry at me. I keep hearing them saying nasty things behind my back so I look back and they pretend they didn't say anything.
This sucks. She must have felt uncomfortable so moved away. I had incidents like these. A while back, some people in my class noticed I had a looking/staring problem so they would send other people to test me out. One guy intentionally sat next to me. He had a buddy next to him. During lecture, he asked his friend "Is she looking at me?" HIs friend said "yes". Then he said "F*ck her!" and started saying more nasty things. I could hear him very clearly, since he's sitting next to me. I wanted to tell him, "Hey you're looking at me too, why don't you f*ck off you little twit?" but I had no courage. For the record, I only saw him through my peripheral vision, not like staring at him outright.
There was also another incident where I was walking through a public place with my eyes straight in front of me. One day I saw this girl completely out of nowhere who stood in front of me and kept staring at me. She was leaning against the wall, and was the same height as me. She just kept on staring without blinking. I eventually noticed her and looked back at her. Then I heard her tell her friend beside her, "Yeah, she's staring. You're right. blah blah blah." I wanted to yell at her, "You too, b*tch, you're staring too you self-conceited b*tch!" But again, I had no friends and no courage at that time.
So, the moral of the stories is I'm the black sheep, even when I'm NOT staring and other people ARE staring at me. How f*cked up this world is! I think you can relate.
I currently have short hair combed back. Oftentimes I wonder if I should do my hair like this:
http://scenebayarea.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/straight-hair-styles-1.jpg
Or this:
http://www.fashionsalade.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/straight-hair-5.jpg
Or maybe this:
https://lh3.ggpht.com/_NO2UOMMYKZ0/...c/GyJ-aA3SAW4/s400/Fringe%25252BHairstyle.jpg
to relieve the problem. Plus wear glasses. If I start have overactive peripheral vision problem, I won't have to worry about people noticing, maybe?
For guys, there's always this:
http://3219a2.medialib.glogster.com...04779cute-justin-bieber-bangs-haircut-jpg.jpg
To hide the eyes, or you can just wear a baseball cap.
http://scenebayarea.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/straight-hair-styles-1.jpg
Or this:
http://www.fashionsalade.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/straight-hair-5.jpg
Or maybe this:
https://lh3.ggpht.com/_NO2UOMMYKZ0/...c/GyJ-aA3SAW4/s400/Fringe%25252BHairstyle.jpg
to relieve the problem. Plus wear glasses. If I start have overactive peripheral vision problem, I won't have to worry about people noticing, maybe?
For guys, there's always this:
http://3219a2.medialib.glogster.com...04779cute-justin-bieber-bangs-haircut-jpg.jpg
To hide the eyes, or you can just wear a baseball cap.
It's not just looking at people that scares me. I'm also afraid to look at people's reflections in mirrors or whiteboards! I've had some people thought I was staring at them through their reflections on a whiteboard in class. One time at a restaurant some girls accused me of looking at their guy friend so I turned to look at the window, only to be accused of staring at their guy friend through the reflection! Very awkward. In these situations, I didn't know where to look. I held in my anger until it was safe to vent. I was too scared to confront those people.
Courtney27S
Well-known member
Okay, so I've had this staring/glancing problem for about a year and a half now. I'm eighteen and today was my first day of college. I watched others make new friends and participate in class and it makes me so depressed to think of how that can't be my experience, because of this problem. My staring is so severe that if anyone in front of me turns around, I can't stop looking for their eyes, even though that is the LAST thing I want to do. I don't really have hope for my future because I'm not in control of my eyes (or my subconscious thoughts causing me to do this), my academic success (I can't focus in class because of all the people around me), or my feelings (I sometimes get so sad and thing of suicide so much that I don't even feel like I'm living in reality anymore. It's like, through my emotional stress and conflict, caused by this staring problem and my INTENSE social anxiety, I'm living in my own dark and dangerous world that is COMPLETELY ruled by my messed up mind. I'm scared, and also oddly hopeful at the same time, that I will soon not come out of that headspace and that that will cause me to finally kill myself.)
I don't want to die, but I feel so shameful and disgusted with myself when I talk to others of my problem. I've only told one person (my new counselor at college) of my staring problem, not even mentioning my depression (although, I did confess to cutting...), and I felt like I let myself down and very dirty and embarrassed in doing this.
Because I probably will never reveal all of my issues to another person, even a professional, I guess I am left to my own defenses. And, like I said, I can't trust myself.
So, tomorrow, and the whole rest of the week, I have class again. And, because I know I am not in a healthy enough headspace to stop this staring problem on my own, I also know that tomorrow will be nothing but torture, humiliation, shame, stress, anxiety, and total alienation from my peers and even my professors.
I should be excited about this new chapter of my life, but the thought of tomorrow makes me physically and emotionally ill, and I feel myself becoming more and more hopeless...
I don't want to die, but I feel so shameful and disgusted with myself when I talk to others of my problem. I've only told one person (my new counselor at college) of my staring problem, not even mentioning my depression (although, I did confess to cutting...), and I felt like I let myself down and very dirty and embarrassed in doing this.
Because I probably will never reveal all of my issues to another person, even a professional, I guess I am left to my own defenses. And, like I said, I can't trust myself.
So, tomorrow, and the whole rest of the week, I have class again. And, because I know I am not in a healthy enough headspace to stop this staring problem on my own, I also know that tomorrow will be nothing but torture, humiliation, shame, stress, anxiety, and total alienation from my peers and even my professors.
I should be excited about this new chapter of my life, but the thought of tomorrow makes me physically and emotionally ill, and I feel myself becoming more and more hopeless...
Trishanku
Well-known member
You have to first speak about your depression with your college counselor. You are worrying a lot. That's exactly How I was, I didn't know where to go. I don't know If we even had a college counselor. But I had a couple of my classmates who I knew earlier from my 11th and 12th grade. even though I didn't share with them what was happening, they did notice it. but, it was all awkward. Anyhow I finished my two years of college somehow. Only later did I even thought of seeing a therapist. I didn't even know how to find one, because I couldn't ask anyone.
But speaking about what was happening was a great relief in itself because I wouldn't talk about it with anyone else. It's actually the thoughts and worries which after my interactions that is really bad than the actual interaction itself. I have had really interesting experiences actually during my two years and some really humiliating, shameful and all that. you just have to ignore your thoughts and not worry too much. because that'll make you depressed.
It's better you meet a therapist soon.
But speaking about what was happening was a great relief in itself because I wouldn't talk about it with anyone else. It's actually the thoughts and worries which after my interactions that is really bad than the actual interaction itself. I have had really interesting experiences actually during my two years and some really humiliating, shameful and all that. you just have to ignore your thoughts and not worry too much. because that'll make you depressed.
It's better you meet a therapist soon.
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FallenAcorn
Member
hello
I'm also around your age i notice we have the same staring problem. It's not our eyes that we can't control, but our mind. Don't try to fight against not- staring, because it's okay. We all know every person on this planet has stared at least a few times. Curiosity is a normal human-being behavior. You shouldn't let this aniexty take over your life. Why shouldn't you make friends like the people in your class? Just because of this one issue? I dare you to step out of your comfront zone and talk to someone. A 'Hi" would be good enough or a conversation would be great. And don't feel embarrassed or ashamed. If you read the previous posts on the "can't stop staring" thread, you'll see many people are in the same boat. Do you know what was in pandora's box? (look it up if you never heard of it hehe). Of all of the negativity and evil that came out of it, there was hope. Through all these bad things in your life, hope will arise, but only if you believe there will be.
Best of Luck! here's a virtual hug
*hugs*
Courtney27S
Well-known member
hello
I'm also around your age i notice we have the same staring problem. It's not our eyes that we can't control, but our mind. Don't try to fight against not- staring, because it's okay. We all know every person on this planet has stared at least a few times. Curiosity is a normal human-being behavior. You shouldn't let this aniexty take over your life. Why shouldn't you make friends like the people in your class? Just because of this one issue? I dare you to step out of your comfront zone and talk to someone. A 'Hi" would be good enough or a conversation would be great. And don't feel embarrassed or ashamed. If you read the previous posts on the "can't stop staring" thread, you'll see many people are in the same boat. Do you know what was in pandora's box? (look it up if you never heard of it hehe). Of all of the negativity and evil that came out of it, there was hope. Through all these bad things in your life, hope will arise, but only if you believe there will be.
Best of Luck! here's a virtual hug
Hi and thanks for the hug
haha. I realize it's the mind we can't control, which is why it's so frustrating. And it's not that I'm curious about others, I think my problem started with the rear of others watching/judging me. Anyway, you should message me... I'll "friend" you. 
zen_mistress
Well-known member
Facebook group for this problem https://www.facebook.com/groups/OCDstarring/ You are not alone, 130 members now and growing. Hopefully one day we will be able to make this problem known to therapists.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/OCDstarring/ You are not alone, 130 members now and growing. Hopefully one day we will be able to make this problem known to therapists.I have a new problem. When I walk down a corridor and someone is standing at the end of the corridor, where do I look? When I keep my head held high, it just feels like I'm staring at the person at the end of the corridor. I could always avert my gaze and look down at the floor, but then I'll come off as awkward. It's just I don't want to give anybody prolonged awkard eye contact.
I don't have this problem if that person is way shorter or taller than me. My eyes will not even see their face at all. But if this person is about the same height, give or take a couple of inches, we end up locking eyes especially when we're walking down a narrow hallway coming from opposite directions and there's no where else to escape. It's fine if there's someone else walking in front of me, so I walk behind and look at the person's back instead.
I don't have this problem if that person is way shorter or taller than me. My eyes will not even see their face at all. But if this person is about the same height, give or take a couple of inches, we end up locking eyes especially when we're walking down a narrow hallway coming from opposite directions and there's no where else to escape. It's fine if there's someone else walking in front of me, so I walk behind and look at the person's back instead.
I also have a problem where I'm sitting down and another person would sit down just across from me, facing my direction. I don't want to look like I'm staring at that person, so I do things like pretending to look out at the window scenery, play with my phone, or sit there quietly and keep my head down. In fact this situation happened yesterday. That guy across from me got uncomfortable so he had to turn and sit facing the wall. I was uncomfortable too but I pretend to not be. If I showed any discomfort, I was afraid of hurting people's feelings and being labeled names I don't want to be labeled.
Trishanku
Well-known member
That's how I feel, like trying not to show my discomfort when I am in such situations that is so stressful. I've been labeled and all that. the only way I could cope with that is, again pretend it's not me. I spoke to my therapist about my issues but not much help.