Can someone please help?

[Shyguest]

Hi

I hope someone will give some advice. I feel really desperate and I can't accept that I've wasted so much of my life.

I am 46, single and have no children. I'm also not working and this is all due to social anxiety the fear of being rejected and humiliated.

I really want to have a child. I really can't accept that I might have left it too late to have one. It's making me panic all the time that so much time has been wasted. I've spoken to people about this and they are trying to put me off having a child but I know that I can't accept that.

Is there anything anyone can say to give some hope?

 

[jaim38]

Why do you want a child? Raising a child takes a HUGE amount of financial, physical, emotional, psychological, and mental investment and commitment. It is nothing like playing with a doll, in fact far more serious. Unless you can guarantee that you can provide the time, resources, and love for the child, I think you need to reflect upon your reasons for wanting a child.

There are people in their 40s and 50s who don't have children, so don't worry you're not alone. Technology has advanced a lot so if in the future you want a child, there are options like surrogacy and IVF to consider. There's really no need to rush.

 

[Lamb]

I am 46, single and have no children. I'm also not working and this is all due to social anxiety the fear of being rejected and humiliated.

You'll need to make sure you have the means. Judging by this it sounds like you need to work on improving both your work situation and mental health first. There's always adoption to consider.

 

[Falkor]

This is so sad for you that you don't have what you want. But you can get what you want. What about start dating online? I mean I dated online because I am terribly afraid asking someone out in person, or go to bars. I really am not the type for that. (Well, I want to, but I need to be realistic).

So let's just try it, you are single you say, you can tell people in the description that you really want a child. A lot of ladies want to, I think? And maybe you should date a woman in her 30's. It should be acceptable?

And oh, about not having a job, you can get special help from health care, to learn how to be in a job, due to your social anxiety. don't feel like it's your fault though, you should be enjoying the things the way you can. If no job, then so be it. But you can try of course.

I know how you feel though. I just got dropped out of high school by the director because I have social phobia. It's really sad those things. People are cruel these days. But uhm, what I say is, I know what you're going through. And I hope things will work out for you.

Falkor.

 

[Ignace]

I'm sorry to tell you dude but you gotta get rid of those issues before u can have a kid. Once it's there, it's yours to take care off, and you're not allowed to fail with a kid. You know that yourself probably, but .. to be honest, fight the will to have one, unless you are able to fix your situation. It's not giving u hope i know. :: I think you'd be a good parent, but socializing is one of the most important aspects of raising a child.

 

[gummybear22]

besides all the other life situations of yours, if you're worried about waiting too late (including worrying about increased chances of the child being disabled somehow from having him/her when you're older), then you could adopt a whatever-age child

but like everyone else said, get your stuff in order before kid time. saves a LOT of mess from happening

 

[cocorose]

Take a deep breath.. there's always hope. Try to focus on the good things you have. I also have issues with the time I've wasted, but that's not going to change anything. The only thing you can do is keep moving foward and not waste another single moment.

 

[Shyguest]

Thanks, I appreciate the replies. I think that social anxiety probably improves when you achieved something worthwhile. If I leave having a child until I overcome SA then I could leave it too late. It's also difficult to adopt even though it's something I would like to be able to do. I've been to see lots of psychologists and so on but nothing has helped.