Can a relationship with someone that has nothing in common with you work?

[da_illest101]

So there was this classmate of mine that is very hot and pretty, that I was attracted to but she had a bf. fast forward a bit she broke up with her bf and started approaching me. fast forward to last week she told me that she was interested in me ( well she said that she dreams about me ).

Happy about the news I tried to get to know her better but unfortunately for me I realised that we have nothing in common. Every time we talk it's always about the same stuff and i can't seem to get any deep convo going with her at all. It's just getting boring to talk to her and our convos are shorter and shorter. We can't meet before school restart because her parents are strict and she can't go out

Do you think it's doom to fail? As anyone experienced something like that before?

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I think you answered your own question when you said

It's just getting boring to talk to her

Sorry. ::

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Well... there is that saying that 'opposites attract'- but I think you need to have some things in common, even if they're small things.

My only boyfriend and I were 'opposites' and we were together for 8 years.
The initial animal attraction was pretty much the basis of our entire relationship and secondly was our sense of humor (since we had that in common at least)

Eventually, you can learn to be interested in some of the things she likes and hopefully she would do the same for you.
I guess you won't know unless you try; how your relationship will (or maybe won't) evolve.

 

[Feathers]

Well, in what ways do you talk to her then? Chatting? Or phone? E-mails?

Does she have computer in her room/somewhere private or do her parents 'look across her shoulder' when she types? In that case she might censor what she writes... and you might give it a try to talk to her in person and see if she's as boring 'live' or if you can talk about more interesting things 'in person'?
The convo might be boring if she likes you too much and has some sa/shyness herself too... (both RL and online) Is she boring/not eloquent/talking about uninteresting things when she talks to other people too?

Or maybe you could find some interesting (new) hobbies/common interests? eg going for walks/rollerblading together etc. Some people may not have hobbies until they have tried something out and they saw how fun it is?

How old is she? Art of conversation is, well an art, and she may learn it if she's still young...

If you don't have any common interests whatsoever and get bored by any conversation or activity together, then it's maybe a no go...

 

[da_illest101]

@ Rem: At school it was way more interesting, but it's not like we are talking all day long either. It might get better who knows

@ WeirdyMcGee: you are giving me hope, Maybe I should try and if it lead nowhere then it will lead nowhere

@Feathers: We talk on facebook only, she doesn't have a cell. I don't think her parents are watching what she writes, although i'm not sure. Unfortunately we can't see each other before so doing activities together is imposible.

All I can do now is wait anyway since nothing can happen right now, maybe i'm over thinking as usual

 

[snowcream]

why not try and make a joke out of it? about how you guys have nothing in common with one another (she'll like you for your sense of humour)
you can still try and find out each others interests; maybe along the line you'll begin to like things you never even considered before, or you could try and discover new hobbies together=)

 

[anuskas]

Yes, I believe that a relationship with someone that has nothing in common with you can work, because you don´t have to talk or be together all day long. You have your own life. But there is something missing here because you say it´s just getting boring to talk to her. Why don´t you pull conversation yourself? You don´t have to be led ...

 

[da_illest101]

You can, it's not impossible. But it will be very much harder to build a connection with someone when you both think and act differently and are branching off in different directions. Look at it like building a friendship. Would you rate your chances of making a friend if you had nothing in common? It's much like that. I've seen it work once. But both of those people were very considerate with a great deal of empathy, very patient too. I can't see many people doing that. Just some thoughts.

you'd be surprised but except for my two best friends I don't have anything in common with most of my friend, we simply get along well

 

[da_illest101]

Yes, I believe that a relationship with someone that has nothing in common with you can work, because you don´t have to talk or be together all day long. You have your own life. But there is something missing here because you say it´s just getting boring to talk to her. Why don´t you pull conversation yourself? You don´t have to be led ...

I thing we alternate pretty well, but she doesn't seem to realised that she pretty much always tell me the same things again and again. To this day she told me that she miss school every single we talked. before school finishes she was saying how she was going to miss it lol

 

[da_illest101]

why not try and make a joke out of it? about how you guys have nothing in common with one another (she'll like you for your sense of humour)
you can still try and find out each others interests; maybe along the line you'll begin to like things you never even considered before, or you could try and discover new hobbies together=)

I agree with what you say, but i'm the type who over thinks things lol when I see something negative, i can't help focusing on that and forget the positives aspects. She seem to find me funny though

 

[coyote]

it can work

i can think of several women with whom i had absolutely nothing in common

we had very good "relationships" that lasted at least several hours

 

[pingu07]

I dont think it works, i dont believe in all the opposite attract thing.

 

[anuskas]

it can work

i can think of several women with whom i had absolutely nothing in common

we had very good "relationships" that lasted at least several hours

LOL

 

[anuskas]

I thing we alternate pretty well, but she doesn't seem to realised that she pretty much always tell me the same things again and again. To this day she told me that she miss school every single we talked. before school finishes she was saying how she was going to miss it lol

Probably she is shy and being nervous she repeats the same.

 

[whatisis]

I don't think it really matters. Just make her comfortable. Make her feel like it's easy to open up to you. Invite her to do so. Just don't forget the physical connection/tension or otherwise you'll get put in the friend zone.

 

[Pyrophosphate]

...otherwise you'll get put in the friend zone.

I hear people throw around that particular F-word (or phrase) a lot, but it really is meaningless. You want to be her friend, first and foremost. That's the only way any relationship could work.

 

[whatisis]

Of course you want to be her friend. But you want to be her boyfriend, not "just friends."

 

[MaliceInWickedland]

From experience, I find it difficult to be with someone who has very little in common with me, especially if they're social.

During my Junior year I met this Korean guy in my Forensic Science class who was really cute. He was a basketball player and was part of the "in-crowd". He kind of pressured me to hang out with his friends during lunch no matter how much I tried to explain to him about my SA and my discomfort with being around a lot of people (he hung out with a huge crowd of people - all guys to make it more nerve wracking for me..) We only lasted about a week. I couldn't spend a lot of time with him because I was really busy with some club activities at the time and the few times we spent together at lunch we very awkward. Once we broke up (in a very bad fashion), we felt really uncomfortable sitting next to each other in forensics. Unfortunately for us, there was only one other seating arrangement for the whole year and I had to sit next to him on both occasions. It was so awkward...

If you're going to date someone, I suggest it be someone you can relate to on many aspects, especially if you have SA.

 

[mikebird]

My last girlfriend ended things when she decided that we didn't have enough in common.

That hurt.

But I reckon each person might both think different in that situation.

I will say that I am always the person that puts in the effort. Simple example: someone's a bit down... I can make her smile, and giggle, even a bit longer than I did. That's sexy!

I don't want to lose anyone. I always end up feeling 'I ain't good enough'. I think the equation of

life = luck + effort

applies to everything, but I think it applies at both ends of an interelationship too. I feel others are the 'give up / can't be arsed types'. Put something in, and you get something out... hehehehaaha

 

[mikebird]

Yes, I believe that a relationship with someone that has nothing in common with you can work, because you don´t have to talk or be together all day long. You have your own life. But there is something missing here because you say it´s just getting boring to talk to her. Why don´t you pull conversation yourself? You don´t have to be led ...

Yep, yep, yep!!

Myself, and all my closest friends, in the good days, always got isolated with our girls - just the two of us - it's seems natural to focus on her all the time! It's too much. Our own space would have been good. My GF's mate left a message - mail or SMS, which said "you're spending far too much time with Mike" - dunno what I was doing snoopin' that - it must have just arrived and went 'bleep' and I set it back to unread. Good signal to me.

We had all the best times all out together, of course, but when event is finished, it's back to 2-of-us, by default, over weekends.

Better to divide up more. Hmmm... now I feel like pairin' up...