Bullying=big fail

[no1]

telling them to just stfu doesn't work.

neither does laughing nonchalantly.

 

[no1]

actually.. I'm reading a book that talks about learning styles ie kinesthetic, visual, auditory, etc.

so if you can elicit a persons strategy that makes a person learn, you can probably play on those techniques, and see if that works.

 

[Suzay]

Actually I said nonchalant attitude, but I know thats not always possible. And stfu isn't either, and maybe not the right way to go. I guess it depends on the bully, some will back off others are more aggressive. It just makes me angry that the ones being bullied take it to heart, its just not right. It's so hard when you're at such a young age to not believe what someone else tells you, esp. if theres a group and its just you by yourself, you tend to take things to heart even though it's not true. I'm sorry that happened to you J_M. I'm kind of glad that you think that way, because it sounds like you know that what they did to you wasn't right and not true. I think when you're bullied you start to believe what's being said, then afterwards when you can look back you know that it had nothing to do with you at all.

I guess the best thing to do is to always have a solid sense of yourself, that no matter what happens in your outside circumstances to not let it affect your emotions, to separate yourself from the situation and the person/people doing it. If only life were that easy though, right.

 

[LycraPantiies92]

This reminds me of when I was elementary. This girl would always try to pick on me. I guess she (the bully) thought I wasn't going to defend myself. Anyway, one day we were playing outside on the yard at school, and the girl started calling me names (can't remember what they were, though). The teacher was sitting RIGHT NEXT to us and could hear the girl picking on me. She said NOTHING! Anyway, the girl tried to push me, so I punched her in her face. As we were fighting I scraped my leg against this concrete bench that we were sitting on. The cut was so bad I had to end up getting stitches. I feel like that teacher was partly to blame because she saw the girl picking on me and she did nothing to stop it. I wish my dumb a** parents would've tried to get her a** fired or something.

Has happened to me so many times.
Gahhhhh.
I'd just hit thum now.
No more miss nice girl ::
xx

 

[Quickslash]

When I was in school I was verbally and physically abused and degraded in front of other people.

I would hit them back though. But I really wanted to fight them, I wasn't a small guy. I was just so afraid that the next day or even the same day they would get their friends to jump me.

You know, when you don't have a social circle at all, I felt intimidated doing something to someone who does.

It's so ****ed up.

Needless to say the last three years of highschool I recieved homebound studies where the teacher would come to my house for an hour.

I graduated, got my diploma, didn't go to a graduation ceremony.

I actually got better grades at home than I did in school...go figure.

These teachers we have in public schools are really worthless.

They are just lazy and don't feel like dealing with the shit these kids do to eachother. Part of being a teacher should be learning how to keep order, instead they just ignore it.

 

[Kien]

Adults doesn't know how kids are. And people have this view that "those who bully are weak on the inside" thing that everyone tells just so that the bullied ones should feel something good. When the truth is simple, the bullying kids are cruel sadists. Teachers and parents are so stupid. They think their kids are so innocent. People need to got over that. Kids are just as bad as when they were young. You remember you watched porn when you were 13, don't think for a second that your own son would not if he has internet. He will probably try to get drunk at young age as well, just like you when you bought the beer from that guy who sold to anyone. There are kids that your kid hates and might want to almost kill.

 

[no1]

I fought some bullies..

 

[gio289]

i find just being silent works. Back in hs when ppl tried to pick on me i wud jus b silent n look them in their eyes. They wud continue for mayb like a min or so n then leave me alone. After that they wud say wassup wen they saw me in the halls or somehwere else

 

[Jannah]

Bullies are coward, were and always have been. I always refrain from violence, but when it comes to defending yourself or standing up to bullies, you should basically get away with murder for that lol, nobody should ever put their hands on you or try to abuse you in any way.

 

[reaper94]

I agree on that one

 

[Off The Wall]

Usually people who bully actually have a shitter life then you. I don't think people bully others because they are happy they are completely miserable. I mean you shouldn't have to put up with it but people only ever put you down to make themselves feel better, to make them look totally awesome and you look like an idiot.

Teachers do need to do something though, i remember being in kindy! (so i'm like 5) And these two chicks in year 2 always came and hung out with me at lunch and stuff whenever we'd have to go back to class they'd always pinch me.. i have no idea why it really hurt though i'm like only 5 (this sounds so lame lol) But anyway oneday i cried cause it hurt and i went up to the teacher... and she didn't even give a shit.. I'm like crying and she just pretty much turned away like i was crying for no reason or something.. that still shits me to this day! totally should stood up for myself my sister was in year 6 so woulda kicked their arses but i was embarressed so i kept quiet for ages until i had enough and told the teacher but she didn't care.. so i told no one else.

 

[PennyLane]

I attempted to do that multi quote thing and failed miserably!

Anyway..I totally agree bullying is awful and totally ****s people up...but I don't think your viewing the world in a very realistic manner..

harrassment and assault in adult life are are extreme legal implications to severe actions, they dont touch on the genreal daily bullying that grown ups experience just as much as kids.

In my school there was massive info and policies against bullying, which made little difference....the reason; this is how they select their targets and why they are normally 'weaker' and quieter with fewer friends and so the bullies get away with it. Also in reality when a pupil involves a teacher or parent this seems to escalate the situation...you can't monitor the victim 24 hours a day.

Generally standing up for yourself also just tends to make the water hotter....so its not that people 'accept' this behaviour..it is that sometimes remaining quiet does actually lessen the impact. If they dont get a reaction, sometimes its not do fun to pick on you...I found the people in school that reacted the most....ended up the ones where the bullying turned phyiscal.

I agree with cynic that yes its shitty thats its a superficial world, but it is! Of course you have to find real value in things that are much more important...but if you want to be a part of mass society then to some extent you have to buy into this. Im not saying this is right, its just the way it is. If your happy not to be a part of this, great. But I also dont think you should be made to feel bad if some of these superficial things do bring you pleasure or fun even for a short time, because life is short.

I haven't found that uni is any different than school in terms of allowing you to be individuals now that your adults, i've found that you have to like drinking, you have to like socialising, you have to be willing to speak up (or you get bad grades) and to some extent in order to 'fit in', which im not saying people necessarily want to do, but if you do, you have to conform to a certain extent. I even at this very moment feel bullied by one of my professors because he wants me to talk more....

I dont believe the adult world is any different regards bullying, people just learn to be more subtle about it.

You definitely have to concentrate on what you think of yourself and not others....but this is very hard. Ultimately if feels really good to make others happy, to be appreciated and to be loved....I think it is natural to want to be liked.

I was bullied most of my life and i dont believe it was because they were jealous or insecure...i think that i was quiet and uncool...therefore it was cool not to like me and it was easy to bully me.

Sorry this wasn't meant as a moan about your post....it just seemed very idealistic and presumed that people didn't care about bullying even though I think many suffer it in some form in their daily lives.

There will always be those that are dominant (and like to flex this power) and those that are more submissive. I hate to say it but I think this behaviour is built in....society won't change that dramatically.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I recently read an article about some high school sport team hazing. The guys being hazed were sodomized with broomsticks! I'm not sure how anyone could have thought that was a good idea but they apparently thought that sodomizing people with broomsticks was an okay thing to do. Talk about latent (and sadistic) homosexuality among jocks.

I learned that reporting bullying does not help at all. The only time teachers show any concern is when someone has been seriously hurt or killed. Then they talk about how they never knew what was going on. When I reported that kids were bullying me in high school, the councelor said that it was all in my head and that the kids in school were really nice so it must mean that I was just imagining things. If the councelors don't give a shit then who does?

 

[stand_up]

I use to be bullied. I use to feel pain.

I have an obsession and fantasy about making people beg for mercy or at least panic in fear, especially people who are of the bullying/power abusing nature (road ragers, arrogant people, grandma bashers and child abusers).

Lately, my itch is killing me. I hope to be in the presence of a bullying situation soon, so I can explode and satisfy my fantasy.

Bully-fishing is taking too long but I can't start trouble, so I'll just have to wait......

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

I dont believe the adult world is any different regards bullying, people just learn to be more subtle about it.

This is very true! It's called indirect aggression. Women engage in such behaviors more often than men do because it is socially acceptable for men to behave in aggressive ways. If you call people out on this then it lets them know that you can't be fooled by indirect displays of aggression. This behavior is indirect so that they culprit doesn't have to come across as the bad guy but can still do their damage. There are those who cannot see through such behavior so I think they are the most at risk of being influenced by it.

There's a woman where I volunteer who gives me a bad vibe. She made a comment about my hair one day. It was really hot and I have very long and thick hair (women either admire it or give me shit for it). She says, "You might want to put that hair up". I saw the look on her face as she said "that" and the annoyance in her expression when she glanced at my hair.
Also, the other day...I had one guy ask me to do these Christmas decorations for him which basically is just laminating and cutting. The same woman walks in and says, "Oh, he has you doing that" and I suppose she thought I wouldn't look over at her, but I did and I saw that she had an amused sort of derisive smirk on her face. I know that not all women are like this, but this kind of indirect grown up bullying is the exact reason why I stay away from most women.

 

[PennyLane]

This is very true! It's called indirect aggression. Women engage in such behaviors more often than men do because it is socially acceptable for men to behave in aggressive ways. If you call people out on this then it lets them know that you can't be fooled by indirect displays of aggression. This behavior is indirect so that they culprit doesn't have to come across as the bad guy but can still do their damage. There are those who cannot see through such behavior so I think they are the most at risk of being influenced by it.

There's a woman where I volunteer who gives me a bad vibe. She made a comment about my hair one day. It was really hot and I have very long and thick hair (women either admire it or give me shit for it). She says, "You might want to put that hair up". I saw the look on her face as she said "that" and the annoyance in her expression when she glanced at my hair.
Also, the other day...I had one guy ask me to do these Christmas decorations for him which basically is just laminating and cutting. The same woman walks in and says, "Oh, he has you doing that" and I suppose she thought I wouldn't look over at her, but I did and I saw that she had an amused sort of derisive smirk on her face. I know that not all women are like this, but this kind of indirect grown up bullying is the exact reason why I stay away from most women.

Yeah i think women are pretty bad for this...i've not noticed it amongst men either that much.

I have even noticed it in girls that are friends, they give you small throw away snide comments just to knock you down a little....but it is all covered up with a light hearted smile.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

There are studies that show that bullies are actually popular, well-liked, do not suffer from low self-esteem, depression, social anxiety or lonliness. Studies also show that they think very highly of themselves yet do not have a consistent self-esteem.
The following explains a lot...

"many studies report that bullies perceive themselves in a positive light, perhaps sometimes displaying inflated self-views, and that high self-esteem can sometimes encourage bullies to rationalize their antisocial actions"


Some Myths and Facts about Bullies and Victims

ParaPundit: Bullies Are Popular And Have High Self Esteems

Do Bullies Have Low Self-Esteem | Education Forums | Join Teacher Forums and Teacher Chat - TheApple.com

Donald Clark Plan B: Bullies and self-esteem

Information on Bullying for Parents and Teachers (1996)

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Yeah i think women are pretty bad for this...i've not noticed it amongst men either that much.

I have even noticed it in girls that are friends, they give you small throw away snide comments just to knock you down a little....but it is all covered up with a light hearted smile.

I see that we're on the same page. I think it's important to call people out and tell them that you know what they really meant (with the snide comments and whatnot) even when they try to deny it. In my experience, those snide comments don't happen again. This probably has much to do with the fact that I don't give the woman a chance to be chatty with me again. I really do not like to be aggressive or cold to people but when I'm met with this sort of behavior, I have no choice. It's best to reserve kindness to those who deserve it.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

the way to deal with bullies, is not necessarily by physical means. what if he knows martial arts too? I know a guy who likes to act macho and tough and FRESH with women. (apparently the women like his FRESHNESS, and such challenges, they think he's just a hot, young and virile man with "lots of testosterone")

That's a really f***ed up thing to claim! I used to get bullied by guys and I sure as f*** didn't find it "hot". What makes you think that women (or anyone for that matter) like to get bullied by someone who is bigger, stronger, someone who could really hurt them? One of the guys that used to bully me was a big, tall Turkish, Muslim kid. He dated a friend of mine who dumped him because he was starting to become abusive and after she dumped him, he beat on her again. You really think that my friend and I thought of this behavior as hot? She reported this to the school councelor who did nothing as usual because she was a dumb bitch.

And he knows martial arts. Perhaps that's why he feels so justified in doing whatever he wants because he thinks he can kick anyone's ass. If I ever fight him I will fight dirty with him. I might get into quite a bit of trouble though. But you get me pissed off and that's what happens.

Only because someone knows martial arts does not mean that they make good street fighters. I had an ex boyfriend who knew martial arts but he said himself that he would not use it if it came down to a real fight. You have to be an extremely good martial artists to be able to use your skills in a real life fight. Another guy I knew got his leg broken because he tried to kick someone in a fight by using some martial arts kick. Much good that did him.

So anyway.. like I was saying. The way to deal with bullies is more complex than just by physical means. you have to be more intelligent than that. At least if you want to deal with it physically don't get caught and make sure he has no way of getting back at you.

One does have to use one's common sense. This is true but I don't think it's that complex at all. If one person fights with words then retaliate with words and if they fight with their fists then one should do the same. One must make sure that one does not deal the first blow, of course. Then it's only self-defense. Nothing complex about that.

 

[stand_up]

Only because someone knows martial arts does not mean that they make good street fighters. I had an ex boyfriend who knew martial arts but he said himself that he would not use it if it came down to a real fight. You have to be an extremely good martial artists to be able to use your skills in a real life fight. Another guy I knew got his leg broken because he tried to kick someone in a fight by using some martial arts kick. Much good that did him.

In a real fight there is an extra element that catch martial artist off guard, no matter how good you are. It is called adrenaline. It can freeze any highly skilled martial artists in their tracks.

A lot of martial artists practice in a secured, controlled and predictable environments, and never really put much focus on adrenaline control which focus on reaction to element of surprise, fear, feeling of unknown, being ambushed, "flight or fight" decision making.

Surely you can be better skilled than your enemy, but adrenaline can be the end of you. The only way around this is if you get use to being in real fights all the time or that you constantly prepare to fight or be ambushed everywhere you go anytime of the day. But then you may develop a mental disorder because of that, which is pretty much happening to me.

Conversely you may want to use your bully/enemy's adrenaline to your own advantage if the situation is appropriate and necessary, e.g. trip him over at the start, attack halfway through a sentence when they least expect it, use loud burst of yelling/explicit verbal abuse or stepping on top of their feet while in close combat so that they lose element of control/comfort/space.