bugger....

Scooter

Scooter

Well-known member
I keep wondering....is it me?....or is it 'other people'?

I cried because my lecturer gave me a distinction on my oral presentation (Oral presentation....speaking....out loud.....in front of people!) and my assignment partner got 2 points more than me.....she doesnt have SP or any other dx's......that's me isnt it?
Because I'm thinking - my lecturer just doesnt like me and she likes my partner better. Not that she knows either of us.

And on facebook, when ppl don't acknowledge my comments....that doesnt mean they dont like me....that's me too.

And on other forums....if other ppl dont agree with me IT DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT LIKE ME DOES IT?!

In my head - everyone hates me and everything I say is stupid and wasting other people's time and air........

It really is just me isnt it? Please tell me it's not real...
 
twiggle

twiggle

Well-known member
Hey, I think very similar to how you do!

"Nobody ever writes to me" "I only got 1 person like my status when somebody else who has a status virtually the same got 4"

It's always easy to focus on the bad and I tend to do that a lot. But recently I've realised that the key to getting over this is to be happy WITH YOURSELF. If you're happy with who you are and how you do things, then what other people do and say won't have as much of an affect. You know yourself better than anybody else does.

You know that saying, "As long as you tried your best, that's all that matters"? That's how it works. I tend to ignore all of the good things people say about me and am sceptical of compliments, "Why are they saying that? What do they want?" but then I realised that the reason for me thinking that is because I had so much doubt in myself.

Look at yourself, learn about yourself, understand how you work. Lately I've realised a lot of bad things about myself - I can be jealous of others, sometimes I let my insecurity make me say negative things about others to make myself feel better about myself, I'm impatient and can sometimes appear rude to strangers. I hate all of those things, so now I'm trying to work on it by learning how to develop my confidence and make myself a better person. The fact I'm trying is already making me feel better because I bet there's a lot of people out there who just keep those negative characteristics and never try to improve. I'm also now trying to focus on the good things about myself - I'm caring and would do anything my family or friends, and above all, I can accept when I'm wrong.

Before I used to blame other people all the time, but now that I understand myself a bit better my opinions are becoming more grounded. No matter who you are or what you do and say, there's always gonna be someone who doesn't like it. Fact. And there's always gonna be somebody who doesn't like you. Fact. People are different and not everybody gets on, but as long as you're happy within yourself and have CONFIDENCE in your reasons for doing things, then it won't matter as much what other people think.

Like me, you are letting peoples' critcisms make you doubt yourself, and that's why you're getting upset. But if you slowly learn to be at one with yourself and get that inner peace, then it won't matter as much. You'll be able to take on board other peoples' comments without them making you collapse.

If you want a quick answer to your final question, then NO, WHAT YOU ARE THINKING IS NOT REAL. But unless you learn to understand yourself, you will always have the self-doubt that causes you to think it is.
 
D

Darryl

Well-known member
Well, let me be the first to congratulate you!
(unless someone beats me to it- by the time finish writting this!)

Keep going from strength to strength- this is your start to controlling the SA.

Thanks fo posting the great news
Darryl
 
D

Darryl

Well-known member
Darryl said:
Well, let me be the first to congratulate you!
(unless someone beats me to it- by the time finish writting this!)

Keep going from strength to strength- this is your start to controlling the SA.

Thanks fo posting the great news
Darryl
Click to expand...

bugger twiggle beat me:)
 
hoddesdon

hoddesdon

Well-known member
Re: ******....

Whoa - a distinction for an oral presentation is a good result for anyone. Unless things have changed, that is in the range 75% - 85%. That should be the weakest part of your assessment, so therefore you should have no trouble passing. Let me say - in the nicest possible way - that, realistically and objectively, being upset is not necessary.

Perhaps your assignment partner is a good public speaker and has studied the principles of public speaking e.g. tell the audience what you are going to tell them, tell them and tell them what you have told them (?). Maybe the content was more appropriate or better organised. Is two more points the same as 2%?

Perhaps it would be helpful to read this thread:

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/si...e-with-sa-have-trouble-getting-over-it-11127/

It mentions not comparing yourself to others (your assignment partner) and thinking that there is something intrinsically wrong with you when the only difference between you and others is that you have SP and they do not.

On Facebook there is no rule that every message must be replied to. The same applies to this website.

If people do not agree with you that does not mean that they do not like you. Wouldn't it be boring if everyone just agreed with whatever was said. In any case, would you want to take away someone else's right to their own opinion.

If everything you say is stupid and wasting other people's time and air then you would not have passed this part of a university course.

It really is just you. It is not real. I read an article by a psychiatrist last year which said that a distinguishing feature of SP is the conviction that everyone dislikes you in the teeth of evidence to the contrary (distinguishing it from just shyness).
 
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LonelyWonders

LonelyWonders

Well-known member
Scooter said:
I keep wondering....is it me?....or is it 'other people'?

I cried because my lecturer gave me a distinction on my oral presentation (Oral presentation....speaking....out loud.....in front of people!) and my assignment partner got 2 points more than me.....she doesnt have SP or any other dx's......that's me isnt it?
Because I'm thinking - my lecturer just doesnt like me and she likes my partner better. Not that she knows either of us.

And on facebook, when ppl don't acknowledge my comments....that doesnt mean they dont like me....that's me too.

And on other forums....if other ppl dont agree with me IT DOESNT MEAN THEY DONT LIKE ME DOES IT?!

In my head - everyone hates me and everything I say is stupid and wasting other people's time and air........

It really is just me isnt it? Please tell me it's not real...
Click to expand...

You can't blame everything on yourself..

First of all.. that teacher thing. That's not your fault. You didn't ask for SP. If your teacher doesn't see that you have problem and try to help, instead she just dumbs your grade, then it's her fault. Thats my opinion.

The facebook thing, no it doesn't mean they don't like you. I get ignored every forum, online game, or online social networking site I go on for the most part, sometimes people just don't look at every comment. Tho many times it's because of me.. But thats just me!

And I doubt everybody hates you, even if you think that you know it's not true. I know that everybody doesn't hate me and I always say everybody does. Theres somebody in the world that doesn't hate you so you cannot use everybody!

And if people disagree with you, that doesn't mean hatred either. Sometimes people just don't agree!
 
D

Darryl

Well-known member
My daughter received 64% for a maths test and to her she failed.

She passed, I told this her this and how proud I was -- Made her a little happier but she expected a better result!

Two days latter a email when out to all the parents, with her teacher saying the class average was 56%.

So Scooter the big picture, YOU recieved a distinction pass... WITH SA, but you weren't given a credit on your results for having SA.

The DP came from hard work not only hitting the books but the inner strength to deliver.:)
 
layeazy

layeazy

Active member
positive affirmations you have some serious negative talk that you need to address dont take marks personally be proud that someone with SA can do an oral and get a great mark you doing for the social phobia people thats great to see...
 
SPV

SPV

Well-known member
Darryl said:
My daughter received 64% for a maths test and to her she failed.

She passed, I told this her this and how proud I was -- Made her a little happier but she expected a better result!

Two days latter a email when out to all the parents, with her teacher saying the class average was 56%.

So Scooter the big picture, YOU recieved a distinction pass... WITH SA, but you weren't given a credit on your results for having SA.

The DP came from hard work not only hitting the books but the inner strength to deliver.:)
Click to expand...

I like what you said. And the fact that we are actually not given credit for the fact that we're combating our Phobia and forcing ourselves to do things. For all you know the teacher probably assumed you're lack of full confidence stems from the false idea that you didn't try hard for your presentation. Lack of confidence always gives the impression that a person is not prepared, which is not true in your case. People have got to learn about Social Anxiety Disorder.

Besides, it's just 2%, don't go on and think that the teacher hates you. It's unlawful for a teacher to get all subjective like that when they're assessing their students. if you feel that is the case, may be you should complain. Just ask the teacher why are you 2% lower, ask her if there's anything that you can work on.
 
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DespairSoul

DespairSoul

Well-known member
Hello Scooter,

I think u was very brave make your presentation in front of whole class with SA. This is what's matter.

I think most of your imagines about being worse as others or failure is in your head.
I don't know your teacher then i can't say if she like more your partner or just was coz he could make presentation more confident. Teacher don't know what u are going trough she see u as a student which have to prepare for class the best as he/she can. U did your best for sure. U can be proud of your self. Always prepare as is in your possibilities and little observe how teacher act to others students and if is fair or not. I agree with above after this u can complain if will be repeating to much often.
 
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