Body Dysmorphic Disorder sufferers

[EscapeArtist]

I haven't heard a lot about BDD on this forum... who else has it around here?
I've boiled it down and realized that 10-20 extra pounds is the only thing keeping me in this house, harbouring my self hatred. It's the fat around my face (chin specifically), stomach and breasts that I hate with such a passion. When I was thin I still had Social Anxiety but I got out of the house daily to fight it, and even went so far as to hang out with a girl I liked which is... still unbelievable to me. People started to call me beautiful and cute and those are words I never heard in all my life. I also have scars that stayed with me from an allergic reaction, practically everywhere over my back, shoulders and chest. I view myself now as being practically deformed despite that this is probably inaccurate..

For all who don't mind, survey time!
1.Do you have BDD?
2. What is it about your body that is tearing you apart?
3. Do you know where you picked up your harmful self image?
4. Is there anything that has helped you with your self image? Books, experiences, thoughts, movies, conversations, people, anything!


Lastly, if you have problems with how you view your own weight, do you find it important to face these fears? For instance, I really want to lose the weight, but I'm afraid that the BDD will still be lingering around if I gain it back in the future, and that this fear of weight will become hazardous.

 

[Feathers]

Hey EscapeArtist, there are some BDD threads in the OCD sub-forums!

(You'll find the most suprising people there! )

I'm not sure if I dare to write much about mine in this forum, especially since people often don't notice these things if we don't mention them specifically..

I think I may have some BDD, nothing officially diagnosed though.
What was really helpful was having a boyfriend lol (obviously!) and partying, meeting people who accepted me as I am, meeting new friends at Uni, having people fall in love with me (or similar) (I know this sounds stupid, but it helped!) having people tell me how good I looked (I am NOT a supermodel! and totally don't photograph well, he he.. but still, some people apparently liked my fashion sense enough to copy it or at least tell me the outfits looked great, some of that was a bit outrageous though hehe), buying sexy clothes (this may sound stupid too, but when I was growing up/a teen, there were no pretty clothes in our country lol or they were difficult to get/very expensive)

Some movies helped too, and some books (I've made a list elsewhere already ) and exercises from those books.. Being active, exercises, drama classes, doing theatre, being brave, doing things..

I thought really hard about where I picked it up after I read some BDD threads and info the other day.. All I can think of is my Mom saying 'ugly wall' when I bumped into it (and me thinking how stupid it is to blame a wall). I really think it may have been cause I was soo often the 'scapegoat', the black sheep of the family.. my parents quarrelled or were negative about me.. mum criticised us a lot.. I think this caused the negative self-image.. I was a lively child and probably a handful.. and was supposed to know better.. Also, everybody said I looked just like my mom, and there was a time where she was totally 'not looking good' (bad perm, huge glasses, bad fashion, a bit overweight, she was miserable a lot and yelling a lot etc - she looks way better now!)
I have to add I was never really conventionally beautiful, though I can look beautiful at times (so I've been told?!), especially if very happy.. It really depends on how I feel though, and to a degree to how I dress and what I do.. (and eat lol) Like Ani diFranco, I think my beauty is made of action and not a 'still life' lol..

As for the scars, they can be beautiful. Did you know in Africa or elsewhere some tribes actually honor scars or even cause them intentionally, as they are a sign of bravery or something like that?
And some guys really do like a bit more chubby girls. (I was too skinny a lot of the time in high school and was actually really happy when I got some more weight!) I know a girl who's soo totally overweight and has the most handsome fella and now they have kiddies and all.. The main thing is being healthy and ideally being toned and fit!!

oh gosh, I almost wrote a novel again, somebody stop me Do have a look in the OCD sub-forums too..

 

[Sorta]

I have it as well, I'm not sure I can get myself to really talk about it on the forum though
but when you mentioned your chin, I wanted to say I actually remember thinking how nice your chin/jaw was in pictures I saw on here before

 

[agoraphobickatie]

i'm not sure if i have BDD or not.. i've never been diagnosed, maybe i'm just extremely insecure... forgive me for being completely uneducated or sounding ignorant on the topic =/ but i've recently been feeling really depressed about my looks/body and it's driving me nuts... it's like no matter how much i can't stand my physical appearance, i can't motivate myself to do something about it, it's like i suck really bad at the whole 'discipline' thing i know in the other thread you said you liked running.. do you have any suggestions on how to make myself get started exercising?

as for your questions..
1. Do you have BDD?
never been diagnosed, and never really discussed it so i'm not sure..

2. What is it about your body that is tearing you apart?
ever since i was a little kid, i can remember never thinking i was ever thin enough.. even when i was a pretty scrawny kid with chicken legs... anyway, pretty much the only thing about my body that i'm okay with are my breasts and my butt, my calves and ankles are okay, too i guess... i can't stand my arms, i feel like they are fat/manly, i have big hips and thick thighs and i wish i had a flatter stomach =/ i feel like if i lost about 20-25 lbs, i'd be okay.. i've never eaten healthy or really exercised so i think it would also make me feel much better.. but like i said earlier, no matter how much i hate my weight, i feel like all i can do about it is sit and be pissed off.. i know that sounds stupid, i'm sorry.. as far as my face, i just don't like my skin, my nose, my eyes.. i just dyed my hair and the color doesn't work well with my skin at all, i feel like it makes my face look fatter and washed out, so that's been making me depressed, too.. i'm going to try to fix the dye job, but it's too soon to process it again..

3. Do you know where you picked up your harmful self image?
i think i just have an idea of what is gorgeous and 'thin' to me, and i'm not it.. no one ever critisizes my looks in any way, and i didn't grow up with my parents being hard on me or being particularly insecure themselves... i'm very picky about girls looks, i think. i'm straight, but if i were a guy or lesbian, i'd probably never have a girlfriend, lol.. i guess i'm really into make up and fashion and what not, and i often see so many beautiful women and think "i wish i looked like that", that it kind of makes me dislike myself even more, ya know?

4. Is there anything that has helped you with your self image? Books, experiences, thoughts, movies, conversations, people, anything!
blehhhh... friends and family often compliment me, and when i go to the mall or go to the bar, i always get complimented, i always smile and say thank you and all, but they never really help me feel better about myself.. (and i'm sorry if i'm sounding stuck up or 'braggy', that's not my intention at all) it's like no matter what anyone says, it doesn't change how i look in my own eyes.. i'm the only one who can fix it, i guess..


i'm sorry, that was a long reply! i've never really explored the subject for myself so i guess i got into it, lol...

 

[Feathers]

Hmm, Katie, I will kick your butt!! metaphorically speaking, that is!!

You are so gorgeous on the photos, and yet you have this - hm, totally distorted image of you? I guess it sounds a lot like BDD, though I've never been diagnosed either..
You sound a bit like my friend who later went to be a Miss World participant - never happy with herself!! Honestly, at a time I had muuch better self-image than she did, although she's physically much more attractive!! (But she was criticized a lot by her Dad too, said he's a very demanding person/perfectionist, so I thought that's where she got it..)

It's just that sometimes the really attractive people scrutinize themselves more... Like, everyone says how good you look but you're not even close to what's in these magazines! (That are all retouched and photoshopped anyway!!) Nobody can look like those girls in magazines all the time, not even the girls themselves! Have you guys ever watched the modelling reality shows? SUCH a difference of 'before' and 'after', and with and without makeup, etc.

Interesting that you were never criticised or at least don't remember it.. Didn't know the magazines could be the sole problem, hmm.. (Okay, and the TV and other media probably..)

I posted an interesting book about BDD in the OCD sub-forum thread. I looked at it on amazon and it already made me look at some things differently...

 

[agoraphobickatie]

aw thank you for the kind words, feathers!

yeah, i don't know if i just have really extreme insecurity, because i don't have any kind of harmful background or anything, ya know? i guess i'm just really hard on myself.. i'm my toughest critic. i just have a hard time accepting myself or something... and it's not always horrible, i even like that picture that's my avatar (i think i said this in another thread? lol) that's a nice picture, my skin looks nice and i like my hair that color, but when i look at it, i don't even feel like it looks like me, but it's a picture of me! haha.. ay yi yi... all in all, i'd just like to be in better shape, and i could deal with whatever facial features i don't particularly like, lol

 

[Feathers]

Okay, Katie, I'm going for a run now and I wish that by the time when I come back you'll do something too!! Are you up for it?? Not sure if you can go for a run outside (borrow a neighbour's doggie?) or not - if not, at least do some exercises or dance wildly to 3 songs or something??

Okay? Next time you can kick my butt (metaphorically) and make me too!! - I soo want to get toned and more fit too, and have sometimes weeks when I just stay away.. (Partly hormonally related, before 'that time of month', sigh)

Soo.. let's do it together, even if we're in different parts of the Universe? Are you GO?

(I just read in another thread that Damaged thinks she has the biggest hips ever and almost fainted. Mine are deffinitely bigger!! So up for a run I must go, lol!! )

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

My husband once told me that I have body dysmorphic disorder, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what he's talking about.
The possibility has occurred to me, but just because I may disagree with a compliment someone has given me does not mean I have BDD. Am I not entitled to have a differing opinion? I find it especially difficult to accept a compliment from a person who thinks everyone is beautiful or gorgeous.

 

[Feathers]

Katie, I'm back! Did you do those 3 dances or...?

Serafina, hm. Tough call. Difficult to say without knowing more.

In some cultures it is normal and 'expected' for people to disagree with compliments and be 'humble'. Some personalities also go into this direction.
All the books on self esteem and communication say if someone gives you a compliment to just say 'Thanks' (even if you have a different opinion).

If you start disagreeing or have a different opinion, the other person may be insulted: you just insulted their taste and intelligence - and in turn they may accuse you of something (like BDD )
Men don't like to hear they didn't choose well!! Also, they may have different standards than you have, most people are very critical of themselves and much more easygoing on others.. Would you say the same to your best friend like what you said of yourself?

I've been around really beautiful people and they all had problems with some parts of their bodies, even though most everyone else was in awe of them!! Does having one tiny flaw make you 'not beautiful'? Or two, or three? Where are the 'rules' on what is beautiful and what not? (Standards change with fashion..)

About people who think everyone is beautiful and gorgeous - I wish I could be like that too! Maybe they just really have such a personality and different taste that they find many different people attractive!
Maybe they consider beauty as both physical and spiritual category?
It's much easier to live if you think everyone is beautiful, I guess!!
(Maybe they are just being polite though? ) Or just see with more than physical eyes and see everyone as a unique energy manifestation and not in comparison to magazines or TV etc. Maybe they just don't read magazines and don't watch TV? Or may even dislike 'ideals' presented there? Stuff to think about... There was a guy on these forums who likes girls that DON'T dress fashionably - WOW!! (lighbulb moment lol!)

Anyway, great thread!

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I thought this was the most recent BDD thread, so figured I could add to it.
I haven't talked much with my doctor about BDD, so I haven't been clinically diagnosed but I have mentioned a few times to my therapist and she just thinks I have a bad self image. I know I do, but I have alot of problems trying to look at myself in a mirror. I feel like whoever I'm seeing in my reflection can't possibly be me. It doesn't matter if someone compliments me because all I see is a horribly disfigured person, inside and out.

so...
1.Do you have BDD?
possibly
2. What is it about your body that is tearing you apart?
My face. I was brutally assaulted in my first year of highschool and was supposed to get surgery done to fix the bridge of my nose but it never happened. All I see when I look at it the two places where I have scars. Scars to light that people don't even notice them but they are all I see when I look at myself. I feel like my face isn't my face, like I'm wearing a hideous mask that I can't take off, ever.
3. Do you know where you picked up your harmful self image?
Being called ugly on a daily basis since preschool - always by classmates and my siblings friends. Being bullied. Being physically assaulted.
4. Is there anything that has helped you with your self image?
Nothing yet.
I'm feeling a bit better about my body-- it used to bother me alot more but I've been working out so much (to help with my depression. lots of cardio) that my shape is changing and I'm not so self-conscious about it anymore. I still hate how I look and feel like I'm probably a terrible person for even caring when there are a million other things I should be caring about more...
Nothing has been able to help me see anything different when I look at my face/ touch my face/ see a photo of myself... nothing. I just feel like nothing.
I am so ugly and every other living being is so beautiful- flaws and all.

 

[Phoenixx]

1.Do you have BDD?
I've been thinking about BDD quite a bit lately, reading about it and such, and I think I might actually have this. It makes sense, how I perceive myself, why I've hated cameras my whole life, even as a kid.

2. What is it about your body that is tearing you apart?
It's not even my body that I'm completely self-conscious about. It's my facial features. More specifically, my nose, my mouth, and my 'baby face'.

3. Do you know where you picked up your harmful self image?
I think through people telling me that I was ugly, since I was 12. I just heard it so much that I became self-conscious and now I believe it. Also, mass media doesn't help anyone either.

4. Is there anything that has helped you with your self image? Books, experiences, thoughts, movies, conversations, people, anything!
Not really. Not yet anyway.