But in regards to being more socially intelligent, you dont know if thats based on his personal experience or actual data collected by professionals. Anyways that very sterotype is why I said a lot of us dont talk about it amongst each other. I dont tell people about my SA unless its an emergency as Im expected to be different. Having expectations lumped on you for anything can be pretty damaging when you fail to live up, and I know white people have a lot of those put on them too. A lot of people just fake it until they make it. And that holds true in regards to reproduction as you've mentioned.
You're right, I see why Nicole got mad and how naturally discomforting talking about this must be, because it has to be extremely difficult having to live up to an image of who others think you ought to be. Unfortunately many of us go through this, but I imagine more so for you. Really though, if anyone says something outrageous like "You shouldn't have SA because you're black" it really isn't worth addressing. There should be no added shame on top of the ones we already suffer from just for being black, and I apologize if my comments came across like there should be.
Yeah I am simply going by personal experience. In my school the white popular kids were extremely standoffish, and some of them bullies. Meanwhile the black popular kids had the kind of charisma where they'd talk to anybody and didn't care what others thought about them.
At the same time, one of my closest friends growing up was black and he was very introverted, and he too had to deal with a stigma of being black and quiet, which shouldn't be viewed as a contradiction. I know I seem to be adding to such a narrow view, but for me such a thing can't be helped. I still believe that races have differences, and I believe that black people have greater social grace than whites in general. Again though, it can't be emphasized enough that none of us should be living from outside expectations, societal or familial or otherwise, as this is what created our anxiety in the first place. We are individuals and must honor our experience. It's easier said, but don't attach any more burden to yourself if others think you shouldn't be quiet. You have to fill your own shoes because you're the only one who can.