Being treated with common courtesey and respect

[KiaKaha]

Just wondering how many people here feel that if you are treated badly/unfairly or with rudeness/disrespect - whether or not you think that it is OK and acceptable to feel a sense of offense and to feel you have a right to be upset and a right to retaliate or blame a person (or some entity)

I am guessing that this being SPW probably not - although I may be surprised.

If you get treated badly - is it OK and normal to feel hurt and angry at the thing that treated you badly?

 

[KiaKaha]

I spelled courtesy wrong.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Of course KiaKaha! Why wouldn't it be?

 

[BlackPuma]

When someone is rude or treats you badly you've got all right to be offended. As do they, were you rude to them.

There's of course exception to the rule where if the other person is in great emotional distress, then that has to be taken into consideration.

 

[KiaKaha]

If you feel hurt and angry then they've won.

If you feel hurt and angry - you probably have a right to feel hurt and angry.

If someone burns down your house for no other reasons than malice or spite - and you feel hurt and angry, then they haven't won because of your emotions. They have won because you don't feel hurt and angry.

 

[Flanscho]

There are friendly people and unfriendly people. It's up to everyone of us to surround us with friendly people and minimize the contact to the unfriendly ones.

 

[JackOfSpades]

It depends on what you're talking about. Is it someone burning down your house, or cutting in front of you at the check out line. There are plenty of instances people are annoying and aggravating, but not every instance calls for any reprisal at all. Sometimes knowing they're idiots is enough satisfaction.

 

[coyote]

of course you have a right to feel however you feel

and it's normal to feel badly if someone else treats you badly

what i think is a more important question is what you do with those feelings

how do those feelings serve you?

once you acknowledge that you feel badly, then what?

do you stay stuck there or do you find a way to move on?

 

[Section_31]

You get what you give.

Respect is earned, as is disrespect......>.>

Sorry, that was directed at my FIL lol

 

[bcsr]

Just wondering how many people here feel that if you are treated badly/unfairly or with rudeness/disrespect - whether or not you think that it is OK and acceptable to feel a sense of offense and to feel you have a right to be upset and a right to retaliate or blame a person (or some entity)

I am guessing that this being SPW probably not - although I may be surprised.

If you get treated badly - is it OK and normal to feel hurt and angry at the thing that treated you badly?

Of course someone treated badly or rudely has a right to be upset about it. It's human nature.

I think it's also worth noting people can perceive malice where there is none. A skewed perception of reality is at the heart of any anxiety disorder, after all.

 

[laure15]

It depends. If a person treats me badly and some people support me on this, then I feel I have the right to feel hurt and angry and blame the person. But if a person treats me badly and his/her friends or classmates think I am in the wrong, then I would have some doubts about whether I deserve to feel angry or hurt. I've been through this before; a group of people would do things to me and try to get me to react; when I don't react to anything that they say or do, they blame it on me. Being ganged up on sucks. It can totally make your mind warped, in a sense.

But now, I've learned to remove myself from such situations ASAP. I guess I've developed avpd as a survival mechanism.

 

[aNOTfox]

You're well within your rights to feel offended if someone is disrespectful towards you. Be sure to let people know when your annoyed, if you let disrespectful people walk all over you they certainly will- some idiots thrive on putting others down.

 

[KiaKaha]

I wish people didn't have the notion that 'respect must be earned'. In my opinion, respect is given freely, until someone does something which makes me respect them less. I hate the lack of empathy, respect and common courtesy which now seems to pervade society.

Yes I agree too. Perhaps there is a misconception of what respect is - perhaps there are different kinds of respect. Treating people with a common degree of respect and courtesy whether or not you know them very well I think is fairly reasonable. Who doesn't want to be treated with some form courtesy and dignity?

Unfortunately too many people think that 'respect has to be earned' and will quite happy ignore you or treat you in a less than respectful way until you 'prove your worth' which is absolute nonsense and is unfair.

As for the question of what you do with those feelings - I think those feelings (whatever they may be - which by the way, positive feelings such as happiness, joy etc are perfectly acceptable to sustain and which the same rules often do not apply) need to be satiated, accommodated for or satisfied via pro action rather than 'let go' because taking the stance that letting go merely negates having those feelings in the first place.