Being shy, even online.

[Eristelle]

Anyone ever just feel isolated and suffer from shyness even though it's the Internet? Even though the people you talk to cannot see you, unless you chat through webcam? As if every word you type will only result in bad judgement? I know I feel that way. Funny, you think it's easier to talk online than it is in reality. I feel the exact same as I do when I'm online. I don't know if I'm just weird or just plain opposite, but it's even harder to chat online, and it's already difficult to do so in real life. Okay, maybe it's slightly easier because I'm typing as I go. Still, the fear of rejection and judgement is the same.

I find it insufferable that I'm so plagued by shyness. Well, apparently I'm not so shy if I created a thread, huh? I guess I had the courage to make one because I got tired of feeling isolated. Thanks for reading, my fellow lurkers.

 

[hidwell]

Yes I used to be like this, Its only since I found this site that I have used chat rooms period. I always felt way to self conscious and uncomfortable. My medication probably helps me to be more confident online. I find to as I have become older I don't care what people think of me quite as much as I use to.

 

[Eristelle]

Yes I used to be like this, Its only since I found this site that I have used chat rooms period. I always felt way to self conscious and uncomfortable. My medication probably helps me to be more confident online. I find to as I have become older I don't care what people think of me quite as much as I use to.

I always failed at chat rooms. Even this one. I'm more of a forum/imageboard person.

 

[O'Killian]

I can sympathize. I've been forcing myself to post around a little more and it's gotten easier, especially actually doing it. I still get anxious when I see there've been replies to a topic I've posted in, though. As far as forum threads go, I think I dread not getting a direct response, which seems to happen more often than not. Occasionally I worry about what other folks think about my posts, too, but I can usually deal with being disagreed with or even insulted, heh.

I'm hoping at some point to be able to put myself out there in online gaming rather than going everything solo or purely with my little cadre of hard-won Internet friends. Then maybe I'll feel a little better doing it in the real world.

 

[Eristelle]

I can sympathize. I've been forcing myself to post around a little more and it's gotten easier, especially actually doing it. I still get anxious when I see there've been replies to a topic I've posted in, though. As far as forum threads go, I think I dread not getting a direct response, which seems to happen more often than not. Occasionally I worry about what other folks think about my posts, too, but I can usually deal with being disagreed with or even insulted, heh.

I'm hoping at some point to be able to put myself out there in online gaming rather than going everything solo or purely with my little cadre of hard-won Internet friends. Then maybe I'll feel a little better doing it in the real world.

You know, I get scared when I think maybe no one will reply. I'm deathly afraid of playing online games. Meeting new and experienced players laughing at my noobness and lack of skills. *sigh* that's why I play single player games. I feel like no one can see my fail, just me. Then when I get better after a massive amount of failures, I let others watch me play.. I guess it's a perfectionist issue.

 

[Srijita52]

I'm super shy in the internet, just like the real world. The biggest problem for me is I always struggle to find words while talking to someone and always get scared to post something. I still force myself though, sometimes it works while other times I can't get over my shyness. Though I can't help thinking constantly that I'm being stupid and nobody's going to like what I post.

 

[Eristelle]

I'm super shy in the internet, just like the real world. The biggest problem for me is I always struggle to find words while talking to someone and always get scared to post something. I still force myself though, sometimes it works while other times I can't get over my shyness. Though I can't help thinking constantly that I'm being stupid and nobody's going to like what I post.

This is me one hundred percent.
It's the way some people reply to me. As if they're not interested. Then they say they're bored. I just eventually give up and let someone more interesting take up their time.

 

[O'Killian]

Yeah, the more I think on it the more it makes sense. You make a post because you want to reach out, engage someone - feel less isolated - and being passed over just makes that effort into a failure. Sure it's a bit irrational, but that doesn't change much.

As far as games go I think I worry more about the interaction itself and oddly enough the possibility that they'll want to become a friend. I'm not sure if that speaks to intimacy or control issues or what, but it's there. For example, whenever I play MMOs I get very skittish about any other players being on screen (outside of hub areas). I automatically reject any party requests purely out of habit and if anybody actually says something I'll usually just leave. Especially if they're the pushy type, heh.

-

I don't struggle to find words so much as I struggle not to inundate people with words. Brevity may be the soul of wit, but I tend to make blocks of text as my mind wanders from point to point (sometimes these points are even related!) I've cut a lot of posts way down from their original formats, and even more I just give up on.

I'm the same way in chatrooms and the like too, though I don't go into those with strangers much.

 

[Eristelle]

Yeah, the more I think on it the more it makes sense. You make a post because you want to reach out, engage someone - feel less isolated - and being passed over just makes that effort into a failure. Sure it's a bit irrational, but that doesn't change much.

As far as games go I think I worry more about the interaction itself and oddly enough the possibility that they'll want to become a friend. I'm not sure if that speaks to intimacy or control issues or what, but it's there. For example, whenever I play MMOs I get very skittish about any other players being on screen (outside of hub areas). I automatically reject any party requests purely out of habit and if anybody actually says something I'll usually just leave. Especially if they're the pushy type, heh.

-

I don't struggle to find words so much as I struggle not to inundate people with words. Brevity may be the soul of wit, but I tend to make blocks of text as my mind wanders from point to point (sometimes these points are even related!) I've cut a lot of posts way down from their original formats, and even more I just give up on.

I'm the same way in chatrooms and the like too, though I don't go into those with strangers much.

I usually deny friend requests on MMOs and I instantly left whenever someone tried to say hi. Paranoia is my middle name. It's hard to find what to say without sounding boring, or stupid. That's part of the reason why I failed at MMOs, and the game itself. I can't stand it when someone invites me somewhere with a group of people, then I quickly fade into the background like I just made a cameo or something. Even when I say something, apparently no one hears me. Then they flip out when they realized I'm still there. As if I left... I would love to work as a government spy if I'm that good at being able to camouflage in the background.

 

[O'Killian]

The last MMO I played at all seriously, a long time friend* got me into one of the top-ranked guilds on the server. Since the game was very dependent on having a large guild this was great for me. The only requirements for membership were doing daily quests that were all solo, and the guild was so large that one quiet guy blended in easily.

Said friend also got me into parties to do the kinda content that required parties, and I would usually just acknowledge and follow instructions while trying to keep as low a profile as possible. Most of these folks were about as nice as you can imagine (giving me loot since I was lower leveled and all!) and I still felt all but paralyzed in their presence. It's really pretty sad.

*who, funnily enough, I never would have met had it not been for having my guild's healer drop at the last moment and having to recruit one as a pick-up in Guild Wars years ago

-

All this happened before I even really admitted I had a problem though, of course. Looking back it all makes sense, but I usually just shrugged it off at the time because it felt 'natural'. I'm hoping having some perspective on things will make me feel better.

 

[Srijita52]

This is me one hundred percent.
It's the way some people reply to me. As if they're not interested. Then they say they're bored. I just eventually give up and let someone more interesting take up their time.

I know how it feels when people say they're bored. Its not always our fault though, maybe the person your talking to was bored already or both of you have not much in common. Also I've found one way to get better at conversation both online and real world is to actively engage in them. It takes time though.

 

[Eristelle]

The last MMO I played at all seriously, a long time friend* got me into one of the top-ranked guilds on the server. Since the game was very dependent on having a large guild this was great for me. The only requirements for membership were doing daily quests that were all solo, and the guild was so large that one quiet guy blended in easily.

Said friend also got me into parties to do the kinda content that required parties, and I would usually just acknowledge and follow instructions while trying to keep as low a profile as possible. Most of these folks were about as nice as you can imagine (giving me loot since I was lower leveled and all!) and I still felt all but paralyzed in their presence. It's really pretty sad.

*who, funnily enough, I never would have met had it not been for having my guild's healer drop at the last moment and having to recruit one as a pick-up in Guild Wars years ago

-

All this happened before I even really admitted I had a problem though, of course. Looking back it all makes sense, but I usually just shrugged it off at the time because it felt 'natural'. I'm hoping having some perspective on things will make me feel better.

Lucky you. Many rich people in these MMOs make fun of noobs. I was their target once. Ugh. Then there's Gaia Online. The hell hole for innocent non annoying noobs who just started out. My friend tried to get me to make other friends, but I was just too nervous. I always made it seem like I was boring or depressing. Then I started to resent my friend for being super popular and lovable. Now I'm just alone. I guess MMOs aren't for me, well, the social aspect at least.

 

[Eristelle]

I know how it feels when people say they're bored. Its not always our fault though, maybe the person your talking to was bored already or both of you have not much in common. Also I've found one way to get better at conversation both online and real world is to actively engage in them. It takes time though.

There were times when I succeeded into catching their attention, even after they said they were bored. It's hard to engage when the other doesn't try as hard. I just look desperate if I'm the one trying my hardest to keep up a conversation with them.

 

[Eyv]

Yeah i can relate 100% to this. One would think the problem was solved once you cant see the person your talking to. But nope, SA isn't gonna let us off that easily

 

[Eristelle]

Yeah i can relate 100% to this. One would think the problem was solved once you cant see the person your talking to. But nope, SA isn't gonna let us off that easily

My SA trolls me. I even get panic attacks around my family members.

 

[Srijita52]

There were times when I succeeded into catching their attention, even after they said they were bored. It's hard to engage when the other doesn't try as hard. I just look desperate if I'm the one trying my hardest to keep up a conversation with them.

Yeah, you can try your best to keep up a conversation but it only goes so much. If the other person still doesn't want to talk though I think its no use. At least you tried and its not your fault.

 

[Eristelle]

Yeah, you can try your best to keep up a conversation but it only goes so much. If the other person still doesn't want to talk though I think its no use. At least you tried and its not your fault.

I think I blame everything on myself.

 

[Srijita52]

I think I blame everything on myself.

That's what SA does I guess, it makes us feel like everything is our fault even when its not.

 

[Eristelle]

That's what SA does I guess, it makes us feel like everything is our fault even when its not.

That's true. What's kind of sad is that some of the most intellectual people have depression and anxiety, they don't believe in their own abilities. Then some of the most beautiful people hate how they look. It's crazy how social anxiety and other contributing disorders just make us delude ourselves. </3

 

[Srijita52]

^So true.....