Being Called Shy

Hello,

I am new to the forum so hello to everyone! I am shy and have social anxiety. I got out of the boat this weekend and went on a women's retreat. I thought I was doing good just to go and thought I did pretty good except went to bed early one night to avoid people and missed a fun time that night.

Anyway, I overhead one lady say "I do not normally bond with someone so quiet and introverted but I really bonded with her." Also, we had an activity on the bus where we said good things about each person. One person said "she is very shy, but I sense her emerging" while another said "she is quiet, but not shy." All of the others said something truly nice. The shy comments hurt me because I was really trying and felt I did not succeed. Also, I am changing antidepressants so I am perhaps taking it too seriously due to am kind of moody.

Am I being too sensitive? I personally feel that people take being shy as a negative so it hurt me that the only thing a few people could say is that she is shy.

I mean I have been called a snob in the past so it could be worse, but do I need to rethink this to avoid a jab to my self esteem :question: Maybe it was too much for me.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
The antidepressants could be factoring into how yer feelin'.

That's said, I've been called shy for most of my life, so I can relate. I've also been a called a snob in the past as well. It's a pain in the arse, isn't it?

I don't think you're being too sensitive, though. Of course, having others point out that yer shy is going to be a jab to yer self-esteem. And mibbe make ye a wee bit self-conscious. It's only nature if yer the more introverted type. Or yer dealing depression and anxiety - those can make us seem more shy than we actually are, at times.

And I can see why you took it as negative criticism,. But what do you want to rethink, exactly? That's their impression of you, but you don't have to let it define who you are. Sorry, if that sounds cliché.

Maybe it was too much for ya. It's not easy overhearing or being told to yer face that yer shy or worse a "stuck-up c*%t".

Sorry, I can't really give you any advice.
 

Sacrament

Well-known member
I mean, are you shy? If you are, why is it offensive for people to say or think you are? It's what you show them to be.

I'm asking because it's okay to be shy, it's not necessarily a bad trait. You could 'easily' shrug it off and say "yeah, I guess I'm shy. It's not a big deal, I eventually get more comfortable with people".
 

NathanielWingatePeaslee

Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Staff member
Hello,

I am new to the forum so hello to everyone! I am shy and have social anxiety. I got out of the boat this weekend and went on a women's retreat. I thought I was doing good just to go and thought I did pretty good except went to bed early one night to avoid people and missed a fun time that night.

Anyway, I overhead one lady say "I do not normally bond with someone so quiet and introverted but I really bonded with her." Also, we had an activity on the bus where we said good things about each person. One person said "she is very shy, but I sense her emerging" while another said "she is quiet, but not shy." All of the others said something truly nice. The shy comments hurt me because I was really trying and felt I did not succeed. Also, I am changing antidepressants so I am perhaps taking it too seriously due to am kind of moody.

Am I being too sensitive? I personally feel that people take being shy as a negative so it hurt me that the only thing a few people could say is that she is shy.

I mean I have been called a snob in the past so it could be worse, but do I need to rethink this to avoid a jab to my self esteem :question: Maybe it was too much for me.

The fact that you fought your fears and won in order to attend such an event is fantastic, and a real accomplishment. Good for you!

I'm guessing you were being extraordinarily sociable and outgoing relative to how you normally are, but that level of outgoing is probably still what some people would call "shy". It's all relative, and progress is about one step at a time in the right direction.

:thumbup:
 

Xervello

Well-known member
Hello,

I am new to the forum so hello to everyone! I am shy and have social anxiety. I got out of the boat this weekend and went on a women's retreat. I thought I was doing good just to go and thought I did pretty good except went to bed early one night to avoid people and missed a fun time that night.

Anyway, I overhead one lady say "I do not normally bond with someone so quiet and introverted but I really bonded with her." Also, we had an activity on the bus where we said good things about each person. One person said "she is very shy, but I sense her emerging" while another said "she is quiet, but not shy." All of the others said something truly nice. The shy comments hurt me because I was really trying and felt I did not succeed. Also, I am changing antidepressants so I am perhaps taking it too seriously due to am kind of moody.

Am I being too sensitive? I personally feel that people take being shy as a negative so it hurt me that the only thing a few people could say is that she is shy.

I mean I have been called a snob in the past so it could be worse, but do I need to rethink this to avoid a jab to my self esteem :question: Maybe it was too much for me.


Some people just aren't articulate. So in their case it might've been a circumstance where rather than saying you're quiet, their brain reaches for whatever word comes up first. Perhaps it was that. It's not like there's anything wrong with being shy. But I take your point about putting forth an effort and still feeling like you came up short. It's tough to say without having been there. But kudos to you for going to that retreat and actively trying something new, and for trying to go outside your comfort zone. For people as shy as myself, that's a huge feat! I wish you continued luck. And welcome to the forum, btw. :greeting:
 

elephant99

Active member
maybe ask yourself: is being shy a bad thing? i don't think you have to feel bad, there's nothing wrong with being shy. also it's really great that you were able to deal with your anxiety and go to an event like that! you should feel good about yourself :)
 
Yes, I am shy and I agree I do need to learn to be OK with that. It just seems like society in general views that as an undesirable trait. I felt a lot of pressure because I actually was being more sociable than I normally am (except around people who really know me). I also was worrying about events that we will be doing as a group in the future. I don't want to avoid them because of my shyness because I really do want to make some friends.

Also, I am 100% sure that the people who said it did not mean to hurt me. They are a great group of ladies.

Thanks too all for the feedback and positive affirmations. It did help me to view this experience in a more positive light and be proud of myself for going. It is hard to socialize for a whole weekend with people you don't know very well and I did it!
 
Being called shy doesn't really bother me... there's a lot worse things you can be called.

honkhonkHONKhonkhonkhonk.
 

dannyboy65

Well-known member
Hey you faced your fears, and you tried your best to be social. Being shy isn't a bad thing, the fact people were saying that nice stuff and saying they liked you is an even greater thing.

It takes baby steps to beat shyness, for instance when I started to try and get out of my bubble I started with being friendly, then eventually body language. Point is try and take it one small step at a time.
 

PhillipJFry

Well-known member
I mean, are you shy? If you are, why is it offensive for people to say or think you are? It's what you show them to be.

I'm asking because it's okay to be shy, it's not necessarily a bad trait. You could 'easily' shrug it off and say "yeah, I guess I'm shy. It's not a big deal, I eventually get more comfortable with people".

This is a really good point. I think a lot of people on this site for some reason think being shy or quiet is inherently a bad thing, when in fact it's totally fine. I promise there are plenty of people out there who talk to/interact with people way too much and wish they could be more reserved like you!
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
This is a really good point. I think a lot of people on this site for some reason think being shy or quiet is inherently a bad thing, when in fact it's totally fine

Agreed. Though, ah huv to admit I'm one o' those people, sadly. Maybe constantly having the fact I was quiet and shy pointed out to me during ma school years probably played into that shyness equals bad.

Also, being an introvert in a extroverted family probably doesnae help things.
 

Luckylife

Well-known member
One way of describing shyness is an overt capability of self-control. By that, I mean the others could have put in for an early night but they didn't have the -er- 'strength' to resist the group. I'm not saying that either you or they are right tho. They will have noticed the absence, not simply because you were not there, but due to your need for isolation and the determination to make this happen, these are probably qualities that they consider the group would benefit from. It is as if you have strengths that they personally do not consider plus points, but the strength itself is a good thing.Thus some verbal descriptors directed your way in the hope that next time they will have more of your company.
 

BlazeBlue

Active member
Hello,

I am new to the forum so hello to everyone! I am shy and have social anxiety. I got out of the boat this weekend and went on a women's retreat. I thought I was doing good just to go and thought I did pretty good except went to bed early one night to avoid people and missed a fun time that night.

Anyway, I overhead one lady say "I do not normally bond with someone so quiet and introverted but I really bonded with her." Also, we had an activity on the bus where we said good things about each person. One person said "she is very shy, but I sense her emerging" while another said "she is quiet, but not shy." All of the others said something truly nice. The shy comments hurt me because I was really trying and felt I did not succeed. Also, I am changing antidepressants so I am perhaps taking it too seriously due to am kind of moody.

Am I being too sensitive? I personally feel that people take being shy as a negative so it hurt me that the only thing a few people could say is that she is shy.

I mean I have been called a snob in the past so it could be worse, but do I need to rethink this to avoid a jab to my self esteem :question: Maybe it was too much for me.

I'm often labeled as quiet by most people and shy by some. Either way, I'm totally OK with it as I don't generally see there's a bad side to it. I believe there's time and place for everyone. As long as I'm doing what I love, the job I'm doing is not against my personality and goals, and I get along with people, I'm all good to go.

Bottom line is being shy is not negative. But if you are unable to stand up for yourself or feeling too nervous to even go take a leak then you have work to do.
 

Requiescat

Well-known member
I recall in RE we had to write something about each other in class. Every single person wrote "too quiet". It didn't hurt me though, I haven't felt bad being called shy or quiet. You got good responses, I wish I had some say they bonded with me. It looks good from my perspective. Look at the positives.
 
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