Bad habit of making people like me...

Iseesky

Iseesky

Well-known member
I have a bad people of making people liking me. Not people I want to like me...

A boy that I went to elementary school and high school with messaged me on Facebook. I spoke to him a bit in elementary school (I was the only one who was nice to him), but rarely in high school. I said hi to him once in awhile, but that was it. He asked me to graduation, but I was already going with someone. Anyway, we were talking through messages on facebook. To be honest...I was just talking to him to be nice. I didn't want to ignore him like almost everyone else did. I think he's a bit slow. He didn't go to the normal classes at the high school...

He asked (on facebook) today if I wanted to hang out with him sometime. He said that he was nervous about asking because he didn't know how to. He said that he hoped I wasn't too shocked.

I don't know if he was implying asking me on a date or what...But I was a little shocked. I didn't think the messages would lead to him asking me to hang out with him. I don't really want to hang out with him. If I did, I'd only be doing it so I didn't hurt his feelings. But, I don't think that's fair to him... ::(:

This happens pretty often...Do you think I'm too nice? I feel like I lead people on. I feel awful telling him I don't want to hang out with him. But, I don't need any extra stress in my life right now. My mom suggested I just tell him that I prefer talking to him on facebook because I'm busy with school (And I am, I guess). I don't know... ::(: I also feel incredibly shallow.
 
coyote

coyote

Well-known member
Be honest with him - tell him exactly what you just wrote here.

If I were him, I would appreciate that.
 
F

Fighter86

Well-known member
Maybe you just break it to him gently? Try to get what you want to say across without pointing it out directly to him so his feelings aren't too hurt.
 
qwerty103

qwerty103

1
Aw poor guy. :(

Even worse that you've known him since you were a kid. :\

Well thats life. That person will get hurt no matter how nice you say it.
 
Sinar_Matahari

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
I agree with Dottie. More so if the guy is slow. Let him down easily.

My two friends used to hang out with this guy...well, he kind of started following us around. He was a bit simple, and didn't have any friends so he would latch on to people who were nice to him until they ignored him. Anyway, those two friends and I thought he was nice so we didn't mind that he followed us around. Eventually we started hanging out with him. He wouldn't be first on my list of people to hang out with, but I wouldn't turn down his company if I had the time. He's not retarded, but he is a bit dim. Let's put it this way... one of my friend's sister has slight retardation and although she thought he was stupid, he never realized that she is retarded. They dated for a short while and even got to first base. lol They were really cute together. Eventually, she decided that he was too dumb for her. Don't you dare laugh.

The thing about him that I appreciate is that he always finds the time to write to say hello and ask how my family and I are doing. When my kid's b-day came around, he was the only friend and family member (other than my immediate family) to wish her a happy b-day. I feel kind of guilty because he is under the impression that he and I are a lot closer than we really are. We simply never got the chance to know one another at a more personal level. He always says things about us being family when we're not. I don't want to lie to him so I tell him thanks for the sweet comments and stay in contact with him. Though, I always wonder how he would feel if he knew that I think of him more of an acquaintance. An acquaintance I am fond of, but still not a close friend.
 
vj288

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
OK one, you can never be too nice, as long as it's genuine. Two, if no one really talks to him ever, especially girls, I can tell you what he's thinking if that helps. At first, it's "great, a girls talking to me and being really nice." And then without trying he makes the whole opposite sex connection "Why is she being so nice to me? Does she like me or is she just really nice?" From there his imagination will run wild, in nice way, kinda putting you up on a pedestal. He did take a big chance in asking you, and I think he did it in a indirect way for a reason. I say Hang out with him, but do it in a group with some other people so he gets the message. If he's more direct then you just have to tell him how you feel.He'll take it hard, but it would be worse if you strung him a long for a little first.
 
Sinar_Matahari

Sinar_Matahari

Well-known member
Ah! You're a female and he actually asked you out! Now who's dim? lol

That friend I told you above asked me out after he and the other girl broke up. That was quite a shock as I've rarely been asked out. What I told him was that I was flattered and that I appreciate the offer since most guys who are interested in me are too intimidated to ask me out - that he had a lot of balls to do what he did, but that I couldn't possibly date a guy who had dated a friend of mine (all of this was true). Then I told him that I liked his approach and that he should try and ask other girls out. He seemed a bit disappointed, but then he was a good sport and got over it. He's had a string of girlfriends and possibly even boyfriends since then. I didn't have to lie to him, but I let him down in a gentle manner and I also made sure to say something positive about him. I advise that you do the same.
 
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