IamThisOne
Well-known member
This is just me ranting about yesterday. ***WARNING: LONG***
So I woke up and I thought that it was going to be a good day. I got up on time and was not late for school. Little did I know it wasn't going to be that good.
I got about twenty mile down the road when I though, "did I turn my straightening iron off?". So I spent the duration of the trip trying to think if I did or not (I later found out I did).
Everything at school went alright. I only had two classes and they were with the same students and same instructor in the same class. It was advanced server administration and CCNA3. The only thing is that I kept thinking about my appointment with my therapist and I was getting quite anxious about that. Everytime I would think about it, I would get a rush of anxiety.
After class I went to the campus bookstore to see if they had the book I ordered. They told me it was in a warehouse across campus and the guy was at lunch so I wouldn't be able to get it until about 1:00pm. I had to leave at that time so I wouldn't be late for my appointment, so I didn't get it. I kind of needed it, but that's okay.
When I was driving to my appointment, I could feel my anxiety getting worse as the miles progressed. I arrived about fifty minutes early and I was ultra nervous. At 2:00pm I met the councilor. Her name was Megan and she was young, pretty, and polite.
It took me a while to get started because I didn't know where to start and I was very nervous. I just started telling her about how I am around people and stuff. She asked me a to tell me about a few things so we could just touch base on a few issues. We really didn't get into the specifics because, after all, it was my first session. During the whole time I was talking to her, I hardly looked at her. I was so afraid my eyes would drift away from her face and look at another part of her body; I have a problem with that, and I didn't want her to think I was a pervert.
The time went by so fast and I was kind of disappointed when she said the time was up because even though I was nervous, I really enjoyed talking with her.
I was still quite nervous when we were finished and I left the mental health clinic without paying so I had to come back and pay. I was at the front desk and there was this girl working there who didn't know what she was doing because she said she didn't normally work at the front desk. I had to repeat myself several times to the secretary, I guess she just doesn't listen because I have to do this everytime I go there. Anyway, I was getting a little aggravated because I was nervous and I had to keep repeating myself, and there was this guy behind the front desk laughing. Of course I though he was laughing at me. I looked up at him and the other girl and was wondering to myself, "what is so funny?". The guy just kept laughing and covering his mouth with a piece of paper. The girl said to me in a low voice, "sorry". I was thinking "what the hell".
I left and I was looking forward to getting home and relaxing. I got home and I had about an hour until I had to go to work so I was going to take a nap. My dad came in the house and started talking to my grandmother. I couldn't hear them, but then I heard my dad throwing one of his fits. At first I thought they were talking about someone else, but then I figured out it was about me. I couldn't hear anything except when my dad would holler. All I heard was things like, "HE NEEDS TO LEARN!" and "THE SON OF A B!TCH NEEDS TO.....". Yeah, my anxiety returned. I stayed in my room and I heard him finally say, "F*ck all ya'll". He left.
I came out of my room when he left and ask my grandmother what was going on. She said that she said to him, "are you going to say 'hey' to Evan (that's me)?". Well, that set him off. He thinks that I am mad at him or something because I don't talk to him much and don't hang out with him. I can't relate to him at all and everytime I get around him he ends up losing his temper and hollering at me. I don't want to deal with it. When I do talk to him, all he wants to do is tell me about his problems, and I can't stand to hear that stuff it just adds to the things I already think and worry about. I hate him so much. Everything has to be his way and if it's not he's going to have a fit. I wish he would just go away. I don't care if he dies or anything because I hate him so much. Everytime I think about him I get mad and start having these imaginary arguments with him.
He came back and they called me into the livingroom. They didn't know I had an appointment and that I was so nervous. I came out and, like I said, I was nervous. My grandmother said, "we only have a few minutes because he has to go to work". My dad said, "well if he keeps drag-a$$ing around we won't have time". He asked me what the problem between he and I was and I said, "there is no problem besides the one your making up". That's all I said. My grandmother and my dad started arguing again about him swearing so much. She kind of joked and said, "if you don't stop cussing I'm gonna knock you over the head". He said, "no you won't cause I'll f*cking leave". She said, "well, leave". He left.
I went to work and all I could think about was what had just happened. I caused all these problems and all I was doing was sitting in my room. I didn't do anything to any of them, but I guess that's the problem. He started sending me txt messages apologizing and stuff. I sent him one back explaining that there is no problem and that I just don't have anything to say and that it is not just with him. He just doesn't understand that I have a problem.
It makes me mad that he says all those bad things about me that make me feel like going to the gun cabinet and shooting myself and then he expects me to just forgive him when he runs off and starts feeling bad about it. It's not that easy. When he throws those fits, it makes it harder for me to say things to him. Now he is acting like nothing happened and wants me to "help him", that means he wants to spend time with him like working on something. I am sick of his crap, but maybe it's not him, maybe it's me. My SP causes all this.
So I woke up and I thought that it was going to be a good day. I got up on time and was not late for school. Little did I know it wasn't going to be that good.
I got about twenty mile down the road when I though, "did I turn my straightening iron off?". So I spent the duration of the trip trying to think if I did or not (I later found out I did).
Everything at school went alright. I only had two classes and they were with the same students and same instructor in the same class. It was advanced server administration and CCNA3. The only thing is that I kept thinking about my appointment with my therapist and I was getting quite anxious about that. Everytime I would think about it, I would get a rush of anxiety.
After class I went to the campus bookstore to see if they had the book I ordered. They told me it was in a warehouse across campus and the guy was at lunch so I wouldn't be able to get it until about 1:00pm. I had to leave at that time so I wouldn't be late for my appointment, so I didn't get it. I kind of needed it, but that's okay.
When I was driving to my appointment, I could feel my anxiety getting worse as the miles progressed. I arrived about fifty minutes early and I was ultra nervous. At 2:00pm I met the councilor. Her name was Megan and she was young, pretty, and polite.
It took me a while to get started because I didn't know where to start and I was very nervous. I just started telling her about how I am around people and stuff. She asked me a to tell me about a few things so we could just touch base on a few issues. We really didn't get into the specifics because, after all, it was my first session. During the whole time I was talking to her, I hardly looked at her. I was so afraid my eyes would drift away from her face and look at another part of her body; I have a problem with that, and I didn't want her to think I was a pervert.
The time went by so fast and I was kind of disappointed when she said the time was up because even though I was nervous, I really enjoyed talking with her.
I was still quite nervous when we were finished and I left the mental health clinic without paying so I had to come back and pay. I was at the front desk and there was this girl working there who didn't know what she was doing because she said she didn't normally work at the front desk. I had to repeat myself several times to the secretary, I guess she just doesn't listen because I have to do this everytime I go there. Anyway, I was getting a little aggravated because I was nervous and I had to keep repeating myself, and there was this guy behind the front desk laughing. Of course I though he was laughing at me. I looked up at him and the other girl and was wondering to myself, "what is so funny?". The guy just kept laughing and covering his mouth with a piece of paper. The girl said to me in a low voice, "sorry". I was thinking "what the hell".
I left and I was looking forward to getting home and relaxing. I got home and I had about an hour until I had to go to work so I was going to take a nap. My dad came in the house and started talking to my grandmother. I couldn't hear them, but then I heard my dad throwing one of his fits. At first I thought they were talking about someone else, but then I figured out it was about me. I couldn't hear anything except when my dad would holler. All I heard was things like, "HE NEEDS TO LEARN!" and "THE SON OF A B!TCH NEEDS TO.....". Yeah, my anxiety returned. I stayed in my room and I heard him finally say, "F*ck all ya'll". He left.
I came out of my room when he left and ask my grandmother what was going on. She said that she said to him, "are you going to say 'hey' to Evan (that's me)?". Well, that set him off. He thinks that I am mad at him or something because I don't talk to him much and don't hang out with him. I can't relate to him at all and everytime I get around him he ends up losing his temper and hollering at me. I don't want to deal with it. When I do talk to him, all he wants to do is tell me about his problems, and I can't stand to hear that stuff it just adds to the things I already think and worry about. I hate him so much. Everything has to be his way and if it's not he's going to have a fit. I wish he would just go away. I don't care if he dies or anything because I hate him so much. Everytime I think about him I get mad and start having these imaginary arguments with him.
He came back and they called me into the livingroom. They didn't know I had an appointment and that I was so nervous. I came out and, like I said, I was nervous. My grandmother said, "we only have a few minutes because he has to go to work". My dad said, "well if he keeps drag-a$$ing around we won't have time". He asked me what the problem between he and I was and I said, "there is no problem besides the one your making up". That's all I said. My grandmother and my dad started arguing again about him swearing so much. She kind of joked and said, "if you don't stop cussing I'm gonna knock you over the head". He said, "no you won't cause I'll f*cking leave". She said, "well, leave". He left.
I went to work and all I could think about was what had just happened. I caused all these problems and all I was doing was sitting in my room. I didn't do anything to any of them, but I guess that's the problem. He started sending me txt messages apologizing and stuff. I sent him one back explaining that there is no problem and that I just don't have anything to say and that it is not just with him. He just doesn't understand that I have a problem.
It makes me mad that he says all those bad things about me that make me feel like going to the gun cabinet and shooting myself and then he expects me to just forgive him when he runs off and starts feeling bad about it. It's not that easy. When he throws those fits, it makes it harder for me to say things to him. Now he is acting like nothing happened and wants me to "help him", that means he wants to spend time with him like working on something. I am sick of his crap, but maybe it's not him, maybe it's me. My SP causes all this.
