B.D.D subject (body dysmorphia)

[Shyangel]

I'm really glad my story can help you guys.

Accepting the way you are for better or worse is nearly impossible. I still have problems with liking myself now days. Personality and all. I certainly hope we can all manage anyways.

 

[rebyoo]

Do you think it's worse seeing your doctor if you think you have it? I've had over 100 sessions of CBT and very bad experiences with SSRIs, i don't really know if there would be anything else to offer.

 

[Opaline]

Yep, I have it. Though I'm pretty sure by now it's not all in my head, but I guess that is a symptom of the disorder too. It's like the crazy person claiming they're not crazy... But then again, if I can admit there is a chance I AM crazy, I can't really be crazy, can I? What a mindf***

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Sometimes I don't want to go outside because the whole process of putting on my mask (makeup) and doing my hair makes me so lazy. I like makeup...but man, I wish I had nice skin so I could just go without it sometimes. But even the idea of going to a dermatologist makes me super anxious. I don't think I could sit in that chair and have him or her inspect my skin and see the looks of disgust on their faces. I have made some progress with other areas I used to focus on, but new obsessions seem to crop up anyway. Makes me wonder if there will always be something . Some days are better than others.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Yep, I have it. Though I'm pretty sure by now it's not all in my head, but I guess that is a symptom of the disorder too. It's like the crazy person claiming they're not crazy... But then again, if I can admit there is a chance I AM crazy, I can't really be crazy, can I? What a mindf***

I know what you mean.

This paragraph here from the Wikipedia page on BDD confuses me:

It may be difficult to distinguish BDD from accurate (and justifiably emotionally fraught) self-perception by a perceptive individual who is actually physically disfigured in some way that would be acknowledged by others. This is a societally awkward topic, as we have a tendency today to use inclusive and supportive language in discussing body form. However, it must be acknowledged that humans do judge others' faces and bodies according to standards or spectra of physical attractiveness; that these judgements are not arbitrary but when studied tend to indicate general preference for such properties as symmetry and proportions close to the population average. There may be a tendency to over-diagnose BDD rather than to acknowledge this "unjust" or unfair aspect of human existence and human relations. It should be pointed out in this regard that the descriptions of the disorder hedge on the question of whether there is possibly actual disfigurement. "may be no noticeable disfigurement" "though they may generally be of normal or even highly attractive appearance". The use of the term "perceived defect" in the diagnostic definition does not distinguish between an accurately or inaccurately perceived defect, and this may lead to over-diagnosis, because BDD can only be a psychiatric disorder if in essence it is based on a misperception. In short, "emotional distress caused by rationally perceived body dysmorphia" should be categorized and treated differently than "misperceived or self-exaggerated body dysmorphia".

So does that mean that if I am actually disfigured I can't have BDD?

 

[Opaline]

I know what you mean.

This paragraph here from the Wikipedia page on BDD confuses me:



So does that mean that if I am actually disfigured I can't have BDD?

Wow. I never saw that before. It's what people don't want to acknowledge, that maybe there really IS something wrong with your appearance and it isn't just all in your head.

I also noticed that the article mentions that humans tend to prefer proportions close to the average:

"However, it must be acknowledged that humans do judge others' faces and bodies according to standards or spectra of physical attractiveness; that these judgements are not arbitrary but when studied tend to indicate general preference for such properties as symmetry and proportions close to the population average. There may be a tendency to over-diagnose BDD rather than to acknowledge this "unjust" or unfair aspect of human existence and human relations."


This is where I feel I am justified in thinking I am a "freak" - the body part (which I won't mention for certain reasons) I am distressed over is significantly far from the average in size (no, it's not my nose). I guess you could say "Well screw what society thinks/prefers, just love yourself", but it really isn't that easy. I WANT to fit in, I want to be close to average. I want to be normal, and yes I think normal does exist in the sense that things fit a bell curve, with normal falling in the average. If you fall outside you're screwed. Others may not agree with me but that is how I feel.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

This is where I feel I am justified in thinking I am a "freak" - the body part (which I won't mention for certain reasons) I am distressed over is significantly far from the average in size (no, it's not my nose). I guess you could say "Well screw what society thinks/prefers, just love yourself", but it really isn't that easy. I WANT to fit in, I want to be close to average. I want to be normal, and yes I think normal does exist in the sense that things fit a bell curve, with normal falling in the average. If you fall outside you're screwed. Others may not agree with me but that is how I feel.

You are not a freak, and I hope I did not make things worse by posting that. Dealing with these feelings is not easy, I agree.

Sometimes I try to think rationally about all this. For example, I can walk, I can see. I don't have cancer. I am healthy (well, not mentally I suppose). A few years ago there was this article in the newspaper about this girl who had a giant tumor on her face. They had a lot of photos. It made me feel so sad for that girl; and I felt so guilty 'cause of all the things I always say about my face. I cut the article out and saved it with the purpose of looking at it every time I started to feel bad. But doing that didn't feel right so I threw the article away. Now I kinda wish I had it because it really made an impression on me.

 

[AGR]

Wow. I never saw that before. It's what people don't want to acknowledge, that maybe there really IS something wrong with your appearance and it isn't just all in your head.

I also noticed that the article mentions that humans tend to prefer proportions close to the average:

"However, it must be acknowledged that humans do judge others' faces and bodies according to standards or spectra of physical attractiveness; that these judgements are not arbitrary but when studied tend to indicate general preference for such properties as symmetry and proportions close to the population average. There may be a tendency to over-diagnose BDD rather than to acknowledge this "unjust" or unfair aspect of human existence and human relations."


This is where I feel I am justified in thinking I am a "freak" - the body part (which I won't mention for certain reasons) I am distressed over is significantly far from the average in size (no, it's not my nose). I guess you could say "Well screw what society thinks/prefers, just love yourself", but it really isn't that easy. I WANT to fit in, I want to be close to average. I want to be normal, and yes I think normal does exist in the sense that things fit a bell curve, with normal falling in the average. If you fall outside you're screwed. Others may not agree with me but that is how I feel.

I acknowledge that my problem is very real,that only makes it more ****ed up,I shouldnt be complaining though because there are people much worse than me.

 

[YellowBird]

Sometimes I don't want to go outside because the whole process of putting on my mask (makeup) and doing my hair makes me so lazy. I like makeup...but man, I wish I had nice skin so I could just go without it sometimes. But even the idea of going to a dermatologist makes me super anxious. I don't think I could sit in that chair and have him or her inspect my skin and see the looks of disgust on their faces. I have made some progress with other areas I used to focus on, but new obsessions seem to crop up anyway. Makes me wonder if there will always be something . Some days are better than others.

yes,i hate it,i hate foundation,if i had clear skin it'd make my life a lot easier,recently i went to a dermatologist and she used that magnifying thing and i flinched and she was surprised.

 

[marleysghost]

I can relate. I have always been very self conscious about my body, which has ruined every relationship I have ever been in. I was bullied constantly growing up because I was timid and took it instead of fighting back. I have this negative impression that I am not worthy of the affection of others because pf how i view myself. I jave always looked at myself as being defective. I know it's a cliche but be strong, whatever we endure makes us stronger... I wish I could take my own advice

 

[CZi]

Definitely relate to this entire thread and most of the personal accounts. My psychiatrist said my BDD traits were explainable through SP, so he didn't diagnose me with full blow BDD, but I've ALWAYS had feelings of inferiority and a general dislike for my appearance. I have a huge obsession with the way my ears look and any blemishes specifically. At one point I was pretty darn avoidant and got a borderline AvPD diagnosis at my worst. Ditto on avoiding reflective surfaces in fear of obsessing over my flaws (perceived or not). I try to avoid as much mirror contact as possible to this day, lest I wake up and get frustrated/depressed over what looks back. Double ditto on looking different in pictures or different mirrors. I don't know what I really look like.

Luckily through all the counseling and meds, I can at least force the myself into the world to get things done, but I'm still unhappy with my life and "who I am" in general. =\

 

[marleysghost]

I completely relate. I was bullied as a kid for being an only child and I was picked on about my looks repeatedly (scrawny) I underwent surgery when i was 14 for an umbilical hernia. I was and still am embarrassed to go swimming. I have always suffered from poor self esteem and my embarrassment and hatred of my body has repeatedly ruined all intimate relationships. I spend hours obsessing over my appearance and this has been a steady ritual since I can remember and quite honestly I am tired of it controlling my life.....

 

[MyUglyFace23]

When I look in the mirror, the image I see is ever changing, what happened to me? Who am I? The worst part of my BDD is that I blame myself for the changes. The droopy face, the bloodshot eyes, never to be bright and lively again. Does one choose to do drugs and drink to extreme excess? It's easier to just say I am an addict, that way I don't put as much of the blame on myself. I drank to numb myself, it helped me not obsess over my hair, my face, my skinny body, my crooked nose, my acne scarred face, my everything. The mirror can be my best friend on a good day, and my mortal enemy on a bad day. 10 minutes can go by in front of the mirror without me even noticing, just staring, thinking, oh if this was different, that was different, etc.

I feel for all of you that can't stop thinking about it, consuming, enveloping the mind to the point of a breakdown. It can only get better, right?

 

[Hellhound]

I only feel good when I can see my bones.

 

[JohnnAY]

I don't have BDD, my defects aren't imaginary...

 

[vickiekitties]

I've suspected this of myself on occasion, maybe it's just anorexia. Pretty sure it's just anorexia.

 

[ForeverTheWeirdKid]

Another identification to justify that parents aren't doing their job.

 

[MFDunn]

I suffer from OCD myself with some paranoid tendencies and BDD. I think it has also led to some social anxiety too... but I was also bullied alot in high school and a little still in college and I constantly think people are talking shit about me and calling me a creep. It didnt help that some bitchy girl called me a 2 out of 10 to piss me off, but Ive had a bunch of other girls call me cute, and Ive had people tell me its all in my head. There are times where Ive had lota of success with chicks and times where Ive been a couple years without a steady girl or hookup. I'm 23 and the lowest and the worst ocd compulsion was to convince myself to hire an escort because I hadn't hooked up with a chick in 3 years.... I went online and found one and luckily I didnt get any diseases and I'm still waiting to have an accurate hiv test, but the early quick test came back negative. Thank you Jesus. I have never had that bad of a compulsion before.... And Ive been smoking dank the last few years alot and I think its made my ocd worse...

But I'm now on medication and seeing 2 different psychs lol. The best thing thats helped me out alot though with the social anxiety is becoming more involved like joining a team (I joined my college rugby team and was pretty good bc i played football in middle an hs) and made some more friends. That and now i'm feeling alot better and I try my best not to think negative or paranoid thoughts and I focus on what I'm doing and I'm really beginning to start accepting that I dont care about what other people think. Thats the biggest thing.

 

[Lilly789]

I have BDD and AVPD. Its a bit like which came first, the chicken or the egg. I dont really know.

I went to 8 different schools and was very popular in all of them - except the last one. The last school was extremely bitchy, insecure and even the teachers were like that, ridiculed kids etc. I was bullied there and fought back the entire time. I think this added to the BDD and AVPD, but was not the entire cause.

I think the cause of the AVPD is a combination of many experiences, and my own personality. I think the cause of the BDD is that I am fat and ugly compared to today's standards. I feel sorry for people who hang out with me (I assume they do so out of pity or boredom), which probably adds to the AVPD. Its a circle.

 

[Whoopdeedoo]

I def see A link betw enduring bullying and BDD
I have many appearance preoccupations.
All we can do is make the best and most of what we re born with.
The rest is attitude, intelligence and humor.

Dont let those abusive f**kers win!
Accentuate the positive!
Capitalize on assets!
Be loving to your beautiful self.
Everybody has a gift
Find yours and bring that to the fore front of who you are

And im so sorry you had that horrible experience
I pray you recover from the damage ensued
Please please
Dont let those moments define you
you create your destiny
And make it great

And im talking to you
And im talking to me