avoiding neighbors

[sainflicted]

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[misternobody]

sainflicted,
all you said is a complete copy of the way I am too . I do not want to be seen and I do it all the same way you do. I do not have friends at all, been alone for years and years. And like you, I too do not smile at others,always avoid looking at others.

it seems to me that this is how the rest of my life will be, always this same way and, its such a lonely life and,I just wish somehow people would like me, but no one wants to bother with me and, in fantasy I always imagine people liking me and wanting to be with me all the time and have fun but, of course thats just all a dream.

But anyways, I just had to respond to you because all you said is exactly the same way I am.

 

[asubscriber99]

i have the same problem, but i'm trying to overcome it now.

as your confidence builds up, u'll slowly lose thinking of the fucking neighbors.

 

[Cyrax]

This is the worst part of my avoidant personality....I dread taking the trash out because then my neighbors would "see me." I don't even know anybody. I avoid looking at people when I go out, I don't smile to anybody. In case something happens to me and I need help, there's no one I could ask help from. I'm really ashamed to be seen by my neighbors because they know that I don't have a life, i don't go out, I dont have friends who go over my place, etc. When there's things that I need to do outside like watering the plants i try doing it before anyone wakes up in the neighborhood, like around 4 am I just want to live in another place to start fresh, but I have no means. Any advice?

Everything you said is exactly what I'm going through...

 

[Richey]

This is odd as i'm fine with neighbours, but what i can say is it depends on what type neighbours you have and what your street is like and the positioning of your house to the street, my neigbours are mostly indian so they we just wave to each other, the otherside there are two girls living together but i dont see them often but they are super nice and they dont care if you wave or not .. ...where i used to live it was different, we were surrounded by people and big families ..

so for me its supermarkets and shops that get me more then neighbours do ...

 

[recluse]

I am fortunate that my parents house and the neighbours are a good few metres away from each other and there's a lot of foliage so it's not too bad. I do get paranoid when the neighbour is in his garden though.

 

[2Crowded]

Live next to some real asswipes who think they are pretty good & all....avoid looking at or even seeming to notice they exist in my world...the person on the oppisite side is nice & I will wave if she waves at me.

 

[Everyone But ME]

I know how you feel and I hate meeting new neighbors because most people just think I'm a bitch if I don't try really hard to smile and be nice, which I hate doing. I also hated trying to mow or anything that could make me look stupid, when I lived in town. Most likely some of your neighbors have not noticed or ones that have may have figured you went out at times they didn't see. I don't think people sit around thinking or talking about us unless we did something very noticeable, so many of your negative thoughts about what your neighbors are thinking of you, are probably inaccurate. Most people are so wrapped up in their own lives that they don't even get passed one thought about you, because they're selfish and dumb. Sometimes I think to myself, they're more scared of me then I am of them. If you tried to move, to get away from what you think they're thinking, then I believe the same process would start over, and you would probably end up in the same spot. Sounds like you're working up some courage. I hope you do!

 

[Jim_Bergerac]

This is the worst part of my avoidant personality....I dread taking the trash out because then my neighbors would "see me." I don't even know anybody. I avoid looking at people when I go out, I don't smile to anybody. In case something happens to me and I need help, there's no one I could ask help from. I'm really ashamed to be seen by my neighbors because they know that I don't have a life, i don't go out, I dont have friends who go over my place, etc. When there's things that I need to do outside like watering the plants i try doing it before anyone wakes up in the neighborhood, like around 4 am I just want to live in another place to start fresh, but I have no means. Any advice?

How interesting. I can relate very much to you say but don't care quite as much now. I have no social life any more, I never have friends coming to visit, I don't really go out other than work and shopping. I used to feel very aware of this and worry that my neighbours must think I am a real loner and must be an odd ball for how little I go out.

But I started thinking that why should I care if they think I am a loner and must be odd for how little I go out. They don't know me to make such judgements, if they knew me they would know how nice a person I am.
They don't know my circumstances either of why I am alone - i.e. I did have a lot of friends at school and college, and then university too but when I came back home after university none of my friends came back so what am I supposed to do? It is so hard to go out by yourself and do fun things. I now work 30 miles from where I live so never meet people from where I live. But a lot of people in their 20s and 30s have no social life because people drift away from old friends because people settle down and get married and have kids, people move on and away. Why should I worry what neighbours think of my lack of social life?

At the end of the day I don't give a monkeys what my neighbours do or how much they go out or stay in. If any of my neighbours think about my lifestyle then it is a bit sad really.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

This is the worst part of my avoidant personality....I dread taking the trash out because then my neighbors would "see me." I don't even know anybody. I avoid looking at people when I go out, I don't smile to anybody. In case something happens to me and I need help, there's no one I could ask help from. I'm really ashamed to be seen by my neighbors because they know that I don't have a life, i don't go out, I dont have friends who go over my place, etc. When there's things that I need to do outside like watering the plants i try doing it before anyone wakes up in the neighborhood, like around 4 am I just want to live in another place to start fresh, but I have no means. Any advice?

I can't really give you any advice because this is one of my biggest problems, & part of the reason why I'm so afraid to leave the house. Our neighbor talks to me almost every time he sees me, & I'm so scared of it that I avoid leaving the house a lot of times because of it. I've even missed school before, all because he was outside & I was too afraid to leave the house & risk him talking to me. In the summer, I wait until the middle of the night to mow the grass to avoid people. In the winter, I wait until night to shovel snow for the same reason & there are lots of things I don't do at all because I'm afraid of neighbors. There are numerous weeks where I don't even take out the garbage because I'm too afraid. I can't even sit out on our porch because I'm afraid him, or someone else will talk to me. We'll probably be moving soon to an apartment, & I'm afraid it will be even harder to leave because there will be far more people around & far more chances someone will talk to me.

 

[unleashed]

i hate neighbours bothering me so i always give clear ''leave me alone'' signals right from the start because otherwise they creep in and in and in...i dont really care what they think, thats not my problem.

 

[TheStatue]

I've started saying hi to my neighbors whenever I get the opportunity, just to cope with my loneliness. That has become one of the few things that has given me energy over the last weeks. This in turn has started to cure my AvPD issues a little bit.

I have realized a few things: Nobody judges you and torments you as bad as yourself. Just be nice to people and help them out when they ask. Then the worst thing that will realistically happen is that they think "well OK, he may be a little weird but he's still a nice person". At least if the other person is somewhat mature. And as long as they are nice to you, and you are nice to them, that is all that matters.

And finally, one thing I frequently repeat to myself: The thoughts of others are not your problem.

 

[dooby-duck]

I don't really care what the neighbours think of my social life, but before I leave the safety of the house I check the road and gardens for neighbours hanging around. If anyone is around I'll wait until they have gone. If I happen to be on the road or in the garden when any are around I ignore them if possible and disappear as quickly as I can.

 

[mrb]

i dont really talk to my neigbours that much ... just morning on my way to work , thats it really