Avoiding attractive men

[MikeyC]

Well...be thankful you don't have it as bad as me. I avoid men altogether as much as I possibly can. I find them terrifying. I try to avoid making eye contact with guys at all costs. I wish none of them ever looked my way. There are only three men I feel somewhat safe around and they are all relatives. God, I'm a freaking basket case.

Why are men so terrifying for you?

 

[Zaki]

Why are men so terrifying for you?

Everything about them scares me. The fact that they could physically overpower me and take advantage of me at any moment frightens me. So I always have my guard up around them. The moment I let my guard down, I feel like I will be attacked or brutalized. I don't feel comfortable being alone with them at all, even around men in my family. If I know a man is coming over the house, whether he is a cable guy, repairman, etc., I make sure my brother or mother is home with me. I REFUSE to let some strange guy into my residence when I am vulnerable and all by myself. And if he tries to hurt me, I know my brother will take care of him. I have also heard numerous stories from many women who have been raped by men. My mom was raped by her own cousin, a seemingly righteous, God-fearing man who I've sat beside during Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners. That is pretty scary. I've also had some traumatizing experiences with guys. One incident in particular has left me so scarred that I don't think a lifetime of therapy would rid me of my anger and distrust. I'm broken and I know I need help. I don't believe that all guys are monsters, but I just can't bring myself to trust them.

 

[MikeyC]

Everything about them scares me. The fact that they could physically overpower me and take advantage of me at any moment frightens me. So I always have my guard up around them. The moment I let my guard down, I feel like I will be attacked or brutalized. I don't feel comfortable being alone with them at all, even around men in my family. If I know a man is coming over the house, whether he is a cable guy, repairman, etc., I make sure my brother or mother is home with me. I REFUSE to let some strange guy into my residence when I am vulnerable and all by myself. And if he tries to hurt me, I know my brother will take care of him. I have also heard numerous stories from many women who have been raped by men. My mom was raped by her own cousin, a seemingly righteous, God-fearing man who I've sat beside during Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners. That is pretty scary. I've also had some traumatizing experiences with guys. One incident in particular has left me so scarred that I don't think a lifetime of therapy would rid me of my anger and distrust. I'm broken and I know I need help. I don't believe that all guys are monsters, but I just can't bring myself to trust them.

While you have your reasons to be wary of men, this is unfairly stereotyping all men as rapists and sex junkies.

I'm male myself so I won't be able to change your mind.

 

[Earthcircle]

I haven't had a serious relationship since 1998, and I don't anticipate having one anytime soon.

 

[Ithior]

I do fine with quick interactions or when these interactions are the girl's job. I'll smile, be polite, talk normally, no anxiety whatsoever.

When it is something more personal or that I expect to become personal, that's when the anxiety starts creeping in. My voice becomes weak/rasp, I never know what to say, and if it lasts for a long time or is during a meal, I'll start getting nauseated.


Even if I consciously do not wish to develop any sort of relationship with the girl, I guess there's always that subconscious thought that that girl might be the one or something.

 

[Zaki]

While you have your reasons to be wary of men, this is unfairly stereotyping all men as rapists and sex junkies.

I'm male myself so I won't be able to change your mind.

I'm definitely not saying that all men are rapists and sex junkies, and I apologize if my wording made it seem that way. I was simply answering your question based on my life experiences. I'm not sweeping all men under the same umbrella just because I've known a few really crappy ones. And I can't completely ascribe my fears to those crappy guys. I also suffer from severe SA and low self-esteem. These issues, as well as the anxiety caused by trauma, contribute to my avoidant tendencies.

 

[MikeyC]

I'm definitely not saying that all men are rapists and sex junkies, and I apologize if my wording made it seem that way. I was simply answering your question based on my life experiences. I'm not sweeping all men under the same umbrella just because I've known a few really crappy ones. And I can't completely ascribe my fears to those crappy guys. I also suffer from severe SA and low self-esteem. These issues, as well as the anxiety caused by trauma, contribute to my avoidant tendencies.

No, that's okay. I knew you weren't trying to do that. Male stereotyping is one of the things that make my blood boil - and, ironically, it's the few bad males that perpetuate it.

I'm sorry you have all these issues, however do you think they've come about, or strengthened, since your encounters with these crappy men?

 

[Zaki]

No, that's okay. I knew you weren't trying to do that. Male stereotyping is one of the things that make my blood boil - and, ironically, it's the few bad males that perpetuate it.

I'm sorry you have all these issues, however do you think they've come about, or strengthened, since your encounters with these crappy men?

I believe I've had SA since I was a little kid and I started struggling with self-esteem in elementary school as a result of constant bullying. So these problems appeared long before any negative experiences with men. However, I do think that certain incidents have exacerbated my SA. I've always been sort of a nervous Nellie around people in general, yet males have always been more intimidating to me than females. Being placed in frightening situations by males who once gained my trust has heightened my overall anxiety, as now I've been given reasons to be leery. It's not all in my head...I've walked away from situations in which I could have easily been killed.

 

[Kiwong]

I don't discriminate. I find people terrifying.

 

[MikeyC]

I believe I've had SA since I was a little kid and I started struggling with self-esteem in elementary school as a result of constant bullying. So these problems appeared long before any negative experiences with men. However, I do think that certain incidents have exacerbated my SA. I've always been sort of a nervous Nellie around people in general, yet males have always been more intimidating to me than females. Being placed in frightening situations by males who once gained my trust has heightened my overall anxiety, as now I've been given reasons to be leery. It's not all in my head...I've walked away from situations in which I could have easily been killed.

Killed? Jesus.

I'm sorry all of this has happened to you. There are some unscrupulous people out there, and I'm the first to admit that most of these people are male, and they give the rest of us a bad name. Now, because of these males, you have to be on guard. It would make me happy if you could meet a guy who will be nice to you.

 

[Zaki]

Killed? Jesus.

I'm sorry all of this has happened to you. There are some unscrupulous people out there, and I'm the first to admit that most of these people are male, and they give the rest of us a bad name. Now, because of these males, you have to be on guard. It would make me happy if you could meet a guy who will be nice to you.

It would be nice to feel safe enough with someone to let my guard down. Meeting a genuinely nice guy would be refreshing, perhaps one like yourself. Thank you for your thoughtful words. They are certainly appreciated.

 

[MikeyC]

It would be nice to feel safe enough with someone to let my guard down. Meeting a genuinely nice guy would be refreshing, perhaps one like yourself. Thank you for your thoughtful words. They are certainly appreciated.

Haha, thanks for the compliment. And you're welcome.