Avoid having serious conversations

[Leonie]

I'm having the same problems now with my current boyfriend that I have had with previous boyfriends....

I avoid having serious and deep conversations with my boyfriend, he says I just seem to shut down when something serious is brought up.
I have done this before, when something serious comes up in conversation or anything that might make me emotional, I just can't discuss it, I completely panic! I change the subject, I get angry and snap, I do anything to NOT talk about it......as a result its making him think that I am being secretive, which is not true, I just struggle to talk about some things...

Like we are planning to move in next year and I even struggle to talk about that which is not a good sign if we are going to live together......I won't discuss it in person but I will text him afterwards what I wanted to say.

It is so frustrating for both me and especially him. I have told him I will work on it but I really don't know where to start!!

Has anyone any experience of this?ways to get over it??::

 

[Sora]

I've had girlfriends like this...but it was worse they never explained to me in text, email or face to face. They usually just snapped at me and got very angry or in such a bad mood that it would drive me away when all I wanted was to understand and help them.

I have not figured out how to help in this situation yet other than letting them know they can talk to me if they need to but that doesn't help because they know they can. I think some people are just too damaged that they dare not open up when it comes to something serious. A girl I know right now is like this, shes the worst I have seen so far because I am not even dating her and I already know her very well and know that she finds it hard to, she has also told me she has trust issues and finds it hard to she feels like shes just going to get hurt again if she trusts anyone.

Could it be similar reasons as to why you can't? I think you need to dig deep, only you can find out why this happens. I over think everything so I can usually figure things out especially when it comes to my own problems but this is one area I have never being able to understand and figure out a solution but then it's not my problem. I like to think I can help people just by talking and listening and stuff but if the person isn't willing to then it's impossible for me to try to help. It makes me sad that I can't understand this yet but I hope I can one day and I hope you fix this issue as it's awesome when you can talk to your partner and put your faith in them!

I seriously recommend you dig deep and see if you can find the root cause. I hope you do, if I can help in anyway just give me a message. I am always willing to listen (or read in this circumstance lol).

Maybes online is your best bet for now as you do not know me, it's not like I can tell everyone your secrets haha, even though I would not do that!

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I think the best thing you can do if you have trouble speaking seriously or expressing your feelings-- is to write a letter.
You'll have to tell him to his face that you have trouble talking about it and need to discuss it with him in text rather than verbally-- otherwise he won't understand why you text him afterwards, and it probably won't help him to have faith in you.

I can'\t stress how important communication is in a relationship-- a lasting relationship; especially when you're going to be living together.
It is very important for there to be open communication.

I'd suggest you seek a therapist to help find the root of your problem and for advice on how to work up to these types of conversations you will need to have.
It's better to deal with this now rather than later down the line when you're having problems with the relationship. (which I just assume would happen after a buildup of not talking+ suspicion)

 

[Sora]

I can'\t stress how important communication is in a relationship-- a lasting relationship; especially when you're going to be living together.
It is very important for there to be open communication.

I'd suggest you seek a therapist to help find the root of your problem and for advice on how to work up to these types of conversations you will need to have.
It's better to deal with this now rather than later down the line when you're having problems with the relationship. (which I just assume would happen after a buildup of not talking+ suspicion)

That is GOLD! best advice ever, and true, it always leads to problems later. I am now single. I know first hand that it leads to issues. Communication is a top priority in relationships, if I feel I can't communicate then It distances me, talking is a no.1 priority for me and if it's not there It wouldn't work.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I seem to have this problem with my boyfriend. We have been dating for a couple years and I can't seem to get him to open up to me. I understand guys have a hard time with this, but it is frustrating because I don't seem to know his opinion on things because he never shares them with me. Communication is crucial...no, it is essential in a good relationship; You can't have one without the other. I also have trouble with this myself at times. I fear coming across as stupid? So, I do understand where you are coming from (where my boyfriend is coming from). I am glad you are working on it though because these things can certainty improve. I also like Weirdy's idea about writing a letter. It seems easier to just let it all out on paper or even on a computer. Give yourself little challenges when talking to your boyfriend. Maybe you two could even play a game, like revealing facts about each other you may not know about each other. There are also journal type books for couples that make this easier. They can be a bit cheesy but it could be helpful. These are some I found on Amazon

What I Love About You

Book of Us: A Journal of Your Love Story in 150 Questions

All About Us

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

It sounds like your monitering your words... like your afraid to say the wrong thing and this happens a lot if i "open up" so just be careful