Are We Too Nice?

[Diend]

After interacting with some friends I came to the conclusion that I am willing to give much more to help others. it's not that I do favors without question. It's just that my perspective on helping others is not that of a zero sum game. When i hear others say that they wouldnt help, i feel different. Does anyone feel the same?

 

[Odo]

Some people are probably going to say that they are, but I don't think that being nice is something that is specific to SA.

 

[Steelsoul]

I feel the same too. Sometimes i wonder if i was too kind to offer help without hesitation. But whenever someone needs me to do something, i always be there for them. I thought that if i be nice to them, they'll be nice to me. But i think i was wrong. They still treat me without respect and started to rely on me. Only when did i realize i have to think for myself first before helping someone. We can't make all people happy, so if you don't feel like you want to help, don't do it.

 

[sahxox]

I think SP comes with a hypersensitivity to our surroundings, and if by nature you're a good sort of person, increased empathy and the desire to help others. I have felt like this too, helping friends without hesitation, only to find out they don't do the same back. It kinda sucks, cos you do stuff for others without thinking twice, yet they can't be bothered helping you back. But this can also be used to help others in need career wise... I feel empathy is one of my strongest traits, and I'd have to say that is fuelled by my experience with social phobia. And this is something that really drives me to become a nurse or paramedic It can be positive, just gotta draw the line between being your helpful self and a doormat, cos most people just aren't as perceptive to others feelings as us with sp are.

 

[EternalIce]

"I have felt like this too, helping friends without hesitation, only to find out they don't do the same back. It kinda sucks, cos you do stuff for others without thinking twice, yet they can't be bothered helping you back."
I agree, it's appalling how insolent and reprobate people are/can be.
(not really sure how to quote properly, the check box is grayed out)

 

[ForeverTheWeirdKid]

I'm just a humanitarian. Just because everyone is screwed up doesn't mean im to nice.

 

[Asphyxiatedragoon]

I am not sure what to reply because, SA and all of the behaviors and what not are very complex thinking in my opinion. We like to see vulnerability and we like to help people who are vulnerable because, they are feeling what we know. So to answer your question, we are too nice in others eyes but really I don't think it's really nice. We are just nice. We are lending a helping hand because we are good people and well the other person needs help.. what's to lose? Well that depends on what they need help with and what kind of person the person that needs help is to determine if we are too nice. Sorry for the quick reply I couldn't think or even think of what to answer, my mind is somewhere else but, I like your question of if we are too nice maybe we are and maybe we aren't. They don't know whats locked on the other side of that helping hand lol

 

[jaim38]

I feel empathy is one of my strongest traits, and I'd have to say that is fuelled by my experience with social phobia. And this is something that really drives me to become a nurse or paramedic It can be positive, just gotta draw the line between being your helpful self and a doormat, cos most people just aren't as perceptive to others feelings as us with sp are.

I wanted to be a nurse at one point because I love the idea of helping people and empathizing with them. But after volunteering at the hospital I quickly found out it wasn't the right career for me. Empathy and compassion alone does not make you a great nurse. You also need great social skills, extraversion (because you will be around people all day) and a friendly, outgoing personality. I lack these traits. Even though I was flowing with empathy and compassion for others and I know I have the smarts for biology and human anatomy, I am lacking terribly in people skills. Plus I'm still working on not being a doormat.

 

[MotherWolff]

Honestly at times I would feel the exact opposite, especially towards children. But as I grew into adulthood, I felt this urge to just help out my loved ones as much as I can. And yes, I feel like my nieces and nephews kind of take advantage of my kindness sometimes. For example, I have a feeling that one of my nephews only talks to me so I will buy him videogames. Then again, I could be wrong. After all, I did offer to do so. Maybe its like that for the rest of us too. However, when it comes to helping other adults, I guess it would be nice if they were there for us too. But honestly I don't expect anything in return. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing. Really, I don't.....

 

[Kiwong]

I do have a philanthropic side to me. I give regularly to charities that mean something to me.

 

[mikebird]

Prone to bullying.

All my family (every age) are a classic case of 'putting an act or face on' as a TV presenter, outside of real which is a thin manipulation while they look down, laughing inside

I think I do the opposite. I don't pretend. I'm sincere

 

[AGR]

I cant say others,but I belive I am,thats not to say that I dont have my moments but overall I am,I was thinking about it those days IF I ever have a son<I wont be overprotective,I wont teach him to be too nice,in fact I will try to encourage him not to be so,it isnt wrong you see,but its out of place to be too nice in this world.

 

[DanBabineau]

I'm hardly ever mean. I've never lashed out at someone in person in my almost 28 years of being alive. I very rarely act aggressive twoards anyone, though I did freak out on a former friend that I had a falling out with online. If someone I like and respect pushes my buttons in wrong ways, I'll react. Other than that, I think I'm just about the nicest guy around. I never want people to think badly of me, so I'm quick to try and stay on everyone's good sides. I won't do favours without question, but I'll certainly lend a hand to many people who ask for it.

 

[Asphyxiatedragoon]

You guys are all sweet :3

 

[hexagon_sun]

An act of kindness goes a long way. You create alleys and it's good for the soul. You sleep better at night. Just don't literally give the shirt off your back; that's an illogical philosophy. If you can barely survive, you shouldn't be expected to give what you NEED for survival. Only the excess or surplus. How need is defined is debatebly, however. Some people will argue that they "need" two houses, a speed boat and a sport car for each of their 4 garages... Don't beat yourself-up if you can't-say-donate money to your favorite charity. You shouldn't have to force yourself to be a good samaritian. It should come naturally. It's more rewarding and meaningful that way. When it's your time, you will feel a tug in your heart. (sappy but true)

 

[jc972]

I try to help others as much as I can until it feels like I'm being taken advantage of. Then I stop.

 

[akala]

I think I was too nice growing up, i didn't know how to say "no" so people took advantage of that... but it's okay to be nice ... as long as you're not a pushover.

 

[NamiraWilhelm]

Although being nice and accommodating is not synonymous with SA, I definitely think that it causes most of it in me. I'm really trying to increase my circle of friends and have more of a social life, and am forever doing things for people just to get them to like me. Then getting annoyed when I get nothing back lol

The major problem is with money, I'm owed money by so many people but I just feel like a tight git if I don't help people >.< Really need to learn to say no at that one.

 

[Richey]

You can never be too nice, is how I look at things. I think it's way more useful and resourceful if someone has empathy and is nice then the flipside of that. You still need to be assertive so you can say "yes" or "no" with confidence, in terms of standing up for yourself, you can actually choose to ignore gossipy or difficult people, it is a form of standing up for yourself, just ignore them, that way you don't even have to interact or worry about them.

the best times I had in teams or playing sports was being in teams of just genuinely nice people. nothing is better than that, also being quiet doesn't mean you are not nice, if anything it's good because you can be a listener and still join in on the laughs when you feel comfortable.

I don't think nice is the problem with SA, it think it's more being sensitive to surroundings, there is some fear of that.

 

[xDreamseller]

I'm not too nice, I'm too polite. It gives people the wrong idea of me and once that first impression is made, it's game over.

At the same time, I don't want to be rude just for the sake of being rude...