As I've said before, I deal with a lot of loneliness thanks to my anxiety, and I was told recently my standards are probably to high. I was trying really hard recently to start talking to new people, I talked to 3 girls I was interested in (on Facebook, but better than not at all), they all happen to be absolutely gorgeous, and the 2 I talked to the most, would talk to me, but they would take a long to to answer me, and sometimes just didn't answer me at all.. I did ask them all to help me with a video I'm doing for anti-bullying and they were all for it, so There will be some physical interaction, but now it's feeling like I have less and less of a chance.. I don't like knowing that I have limits to how far I can go when it comes to trying to find a girlfriend.. But maybe that's just how it is.
Are my standards to high?
- Thread starter Brandon94
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DragonFlight777
Member
I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean by having limits, and what this has to do with having standards that are too high. Maybe I missed something from what you said, but what are your standards?
As in, you have no chance with this person because she's to pretty or good for you, and you're to small or weird. That's what I ment. As for my standards, Im picky I guess, I tried going out with people I wasn't all that attracted to, it resulted in me unknowingly pushing them away. It just made me feel horrible about myself, and now I'm trying really hard to find someone that I'm atleast a little attracted to.. But according to my friends and the lack of interest these people are showing, I'm apparently not good enough.
Section_31
Well-known member
I dont think theres anything wrong with standards, and i for one say dont lower them.
Dont force yourself to go out with someone you arent attracted to. You want to be with someone you have a spark with,
Dont force yourself to go out with someone you arent attracted to. You want to be with someone you have a spark with,
DragonFlight777
Member
There's nothing inherently wrong with having standards, be them high or low. But when it comes to specific situations, you might encounter difficulties of the kind that you mentioned - that those people you're aiming for might reject you and from what I understand it seems that you don't really have a problem with that because you reject those you don't feel attracted to as well. As long as you see it all part of the process of finding someone right for you, everything is fine - unless, of course, you do have an issue with being rejected...
SeasonalBlues
Well-known member
I think i get what you're saying, i'm also known for being very picky when it comes to girls i'm physically attracted to. At the end of the day though i'd rather be alone forever than lower my standard to girls i'm not attracted to just so i could get a girlfriend.
Brandon, it sounds like you're very young (born in '94?) - LOTS of things can happen!!
You can work on your communication skills and approach, or get a 'makeover' or go shopping with a female friend/relative (or another friend with good style...) Lots of things you can do to 'up' your attract-ability!!
Also, if you do things you're enthusastic about, people will be drawn to you, for sure!!
Friends may have different opinions and 'standards', I've known a guy who kept flirting with girls everyone thought were 'higher league' - and he married one of those!!
You standards may also change as you grow older, visual appearance may not be the 'only' criterium later on...
You can work on your communication skills and approach, or get a 'makeover' or go shopping with a female friend/relative (or another friend with good style...) Lots of things you can do to 'up' your attract-ability!!
Also, if you do things you're enthusastic about, people will be drawn to you, for sure!!
Friends may have different opinions and 'standards', I've known a guy who kept flirting with girls everyone thought were 'higher league' - and he married one of those!!
You standards may also change as you grow older, visual appearance may not be the 'only' criterium later on...
There's nothing wrong with high standards, though it pays to be realistic. The person that has sky high standards and always expects them to be met (or exceeded) will most likely end up disappointed.
I'm not saying you should always settle for less than what you want, but to just relax the standards a little. That may help to broaden your choices in all areas of life.
Rightly or wrongly, if you're suffering from social anxiety, you're not best placed to be picky. I know that sounds really harsh, but that is the way we're viewed by others.
Just keep talking to people. Think positively. Build and maintain friendships with people whose company you enjoy. Accept that rejection is a part of it - if some people can't appreciate you for what you are, then that's their problem.
Life isn't perfect and it doesn't need to be. The same goes for people.
OceanMist
Well-known member
It wasn't until I lowered my standards and said I was okay with average to below average looking women that I finally met a couple women.
I decided I want a woman to talk to and maybe be intimately involved with a woman, and the best way to go about that was to go after a woman I have a chance with. Online dating does not have the greatest women in looks, and when those certain hot women are on there, good luck getting a response, much less a date. And I say that to any guy out there. I speak of online dating because that's what I used and I think it's a decent way for shy guys to meet women.
I think in order to get attractive women, which I believe are only about 15% of the women (just my belief, don't kill me), a guy must have high social status, above average looks, and a lot of social confidence. The other problem is attractive women are the most sought after women for an obvious reason (such as they are the most appealing). If an attractive woman isn't in a relationship, she's looking for that next alpha male anyway.
It depends on who you are. If you don't fit that alpha male profile, I'd highly advise lowering your standards. The biggest field of women are average looking women, so why not play to that bigger field and improve your odds. Don't forget, the most important part of the relationship is the social connection. At least it is for most people, unless you are humping every second of the day and night.
It depends on what want, too. If you are looking for marriage, then obviously you don't want to lower your standards much at all. If you are just looking for a relationship, though, then lowering your standards can be beneficial to the people who had high standards and decided to lower them.
I decided I want a woman to talk to and maybe be intimately involved with a woman, and the best way to go about that was to go after a woman I have a chance with. Online dating does not have the greatest women in looks, and when those certain hot women are on there, good luck getting a response, much less a date. And I say that to any guy out there. I speak of online dating because that's what I used and I think it's a decent way for shy guys to meet women.
I think in order to get attractive women, which I believe are only about 15% of the women (just my belief, don't kill me), a guy must have high social status, above average looks, and a lot of social confidence. The other problem is attractive women are the most sought after women for an obvious reason (such as they are the most appealing). If an attractive woman isn't in a relationship, she's looking for that next alpha male anyway.
It depends on who you are. If you don't fit that alpha male profile, I'd highly advise lowering your standards. The biggest field of women are average looking women, so why not play to that bigger field and improve your odds. Don't forget, the most important part of the relationship is the social connection. At least it is for most people, unless you are humping every second of the day and night.
It depends on what want, too. If you are looking for marriage, then obviously you don't want to lower your standards much at all. If you are just looking for a relationship, though, then lowering your standards can be beneficial to the people who had high standards and decided to lower them.
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Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
It's almost like beauty makes you a better person...