Anyone feel like they've never grown up?

[gustavofring]

I sometimes feel that although I am 26 years old, I need some sort of re-education course. Proper social behavior, properly taking care of myself and my life. It seems like it's basically stuck at the level of a 16 year old, which incidentally was when my father died (mom died when I was 9). Maybe I needed a father figure during my adolescence, to kick my a$$ whenever I strayed of course, to teach me some basic discipline. And a mother figure to support me emotionally. I've also never really gotten proper help to cope with their deaths. I've always refused to seek out psychologists etc. I lived on my own since 18 and feel like I've stagnated a lot.

There's nothing wrong with my basic intelligence, I think I'm actually quite clever. But cleverness won't get me anywhere. Socially, mentally and in terms of career/life I feel like I'm not where I should be at this age.
I've lived in a shroud of depression and escapism for so long that the normal functioning world sometimes seems alien to me and I can only enter it wearing a mask of confidence and normality. But people are onto me, and know I haven't got my $hit together and that makes me even more insecure.

 

[KiaKaha]

I can imagine losing both parents at such a young age would have been pretty tough on you. Not having closure particularly with something as emotionally devastating as that would definitely have an effect on your capability to cope with life.
I dont really know what the solution is - but I can tell you this... I feel pretty much the same way. I am an adult (apparently) and I have no idea how to live my life.... I can barely look after myself. Everything is terrifying.

 

[gustavofring]

Thanks for the understanding words.

I guess the solution is simple. Acceptance of the situation so that I can move on. I've lived in denial for a long time, a false sense of positivity and not seeing clearly by constantly seeking escapism. It seemed the only way to distract my mind.

My sister maniacally ranted to me this past weekend about how I do nothing in life, how I put off even simple tasks, and its causing her nothing but worries and trouble, and although it was harsh and cruel it was a wakeup call.

 

[JCVA]

Yes I feel the same way. Im 25 now and I still feel like I havent transitioned to adult life yet. Even some people younger act more maturely than me. Whenever I go to an event, I seek people who look young because I really don't have any idea how I can communicate with my peers. Those years of isolation didn't do me any good .

 

[market.garden]

I feel that way too. I'm 26, still live at home with my parents, haven't had anything remotely like a relationship for 7 years, and looking around me, I see people years younger who have done so many things and are moving forward in life. I don't feel grown up at all.

Definitely makes me feel like a child.

 

[Ashiene]

I am almost 23 and if left alone in society I will be as helpless and emotionally fragile as a tiny child.

 

[Darkness_'82]

I'm 30 and feel I never went past 16. It's kinda depressing. I wonder if I'll feel the same when I'm 40? Maybe be married with kids by then. Wishful thinking.

 

[Ashiene]

I'm 30 and feel I never went past 16. It's kinda depressing. I wonder if I'll feel the same when I'm 40? Maybe be married with kids by then. Wishful thinking.

When I first discovered what AvPD and SAD were in 2006 at 16 years old, I was happy to finally put a face to these diseases of the mind. I thought I needed no more than 4-5 years to cure myself. Now, no only have I not cured myself, I have gotten worse even with counselling, CBT, medication, etc.

 

[Graeme1988]

24 years old now, still living with a parent, single mother. If I'm brutally honest, I don't think I've matured beyond 13. It's rather depressing that I still feel like that weird, shy, socially akward, insecure, scared kid I was during much of my school years.

 

[lilmutegirl]

I'm sorry that you lost your parents so young. I'm sure that affected your emotional development.
I, too, feel like I've never grown up. I'm 30 and have my own 5 year old and fear that since I feel ill equipped to deal with life, I'll have trouble teaching him how to do anything.
I currently have very few responsibilities (I live in a house for free and have been given a car). I think the fact that I'm somewhat spoiled has left me unable to be proactive in my life or do anything productive.

 

[Daniel089]

I'm 23 this summer, in a uni for years and I feel I'm like 17 with no career hopes. It's kinda sad that most of the people in my uni are sending CVs to different places, leaving the country and applying for work, or just finishing the uni right in time when I'm rambling in obscurity, studying hopelessly and not making any damn progress due to I have so many other stuff in my mind. Even my parents know I'm not grown up because of my social phobia.

 

[thor01]

I don't feel Ive "grown up" in the sense most think of.

..................But I wouldn't want it any other way haha.

The "grown up" life doesn't look too fun. Atleast not the positions alot of "grown ups" get into.

 

[Boby]

I'm 23 this summer, in a uni for years and I feel I'm like 17 with no career hopes. It's kinda sad that most of the people in my uni are sending CVs to different places, leaving the country and applying for work, or just finishing the uni right in time when I'm rambling in obscurity, studying hopelessly and not making any damn progress due to I have so many other stuff in my mind. Even my parents know I'm not grown up because of my social phobia.

I can relate to you mate,same problems here,most of my uni colleagues have jobs or they have plans for a career or some are just studying hard to finish the university in time while I have a ton of failed exams,no realistic plan and all I got is a job for only those 3 summer months ,after that I have no idea what I'm going to do.

 

[mikebird]

I'm glad you mentioned that!!

My bad traits are the way I react to people, shouting, criticising as if they are inferior to me. That goes for everyone. It seems childish.

I have psychologists (a pair) who visit me regularly every week at my house. They seem absolute imbeciles to me. The repeated advice is worthless. It's the same advice I've had for decades, about my social awkwardness so I should be listening and following orders, but I live in my world, and want things my way.

As they left yesterday, I came up with a big question I didn't want to forget: "do I behave like a child?" As expected, I got "no! you're just fine!!! exploding into laughs", and leaving.

This is where I feel superior. I know they're wrong. They glazed it, thinking I'd get upset.

If anyone... girlfriend quitting me in 2001 and employers ditching me ever since... "thanks for all your work, Mike. We have to let you go". Nice, nice, nice.

If I was told "you're ugly, stupid, acting like a four-year-old", then I might have outgrown myself and flourished then. I love real things - and I try to prompt more realistic behaviour from people than a glaze of "oohhh..!! lovely!" Pampered easy-going behaviour inherited from mega-happy parents' gleam of wealth and achievement... in society

 

[mikebird]

I sometimes feel that although I am 26 years old, I need some sort of re-education course. Proper social behavior, properly taking care of myself and my life. It seems like it's basically stuck at the level of a 16 year old, which incidentally was when my father died (mom died when I was 9). Maybe I needed a father figure during my adolescence, to kick my a$$ whenever I strayed of course, to teach me some basic discipline. And a mother figure to support me emotionally. I've also never really gotten proper help to cope with their deaths. I've always refused to seek out psychologists etc. I lived on my own since 18 and feel like I've stagnated a lot.

There's nothing wrong with my basic intelligence, I think I'm actually quite clever. But cleverness won't get me anywhere. Socially, mentally and in terms of career/life I feel like I'm not where I should be at this age.
I've lived in a shroud of depression and escapism for so long that the normal functioning world sometimes seems alien to me and I can only enter it wearing a mask of confidence and normality. But people are onto me, and know I haven't got my $hit together and that makes me even more insecure.

Whooooaahh!!! That is close to me. I started thinking that way when I was about 25, that if Dad had been more directive, I'd be better now. That's 50-year-old parents who were retired, worn out and tired before I was born. Bad planning. Ohh, it goes on. I rant on here, and tell the whole big story to... who? My pshchologists, etc, and when meeting a new girl in a restaurant.. long was back, but they see right through me - a dismal moaner, although sometimes it goes better.

 

[speakerheart]

I sometimes feel that although I am 26 years old, I need some sort of re-education course. Proper social behavior, properly taking care of myself and my life. It seems like it's basically stuck at the level of a 16 year old, which incidentally was when my father died (mom died when I was 9). Maybe I needed a father figure during my adolescence, to kick my a$$ whenever I strayed of course, to teach me some basic discipline. And a mother figure to support me emotionally. I've also never really gotten proper help to cope with their deaths. I've always refused to seek out psychologists etc. I lived on my own since 18 and feel like I've stagnated a lot.

There's nothing wrong with my basic intelligence, I think I'm actually quite clever. But cleverness won't get me anywhere. Socially, mentally and in terms of career/life I feel like I'm not where I should be at this age.
I've lived in a shroud of depression and escapism for so long that the normal functioning world sometimes seems alien to me and I can only enter it wearing a mask of confidence and normality. But people are onto me, and know I haven't got my $hit together and that makes me even more insecure.

WOW! So, you pretty much described how i have been feeling 0_0
Where ru from? I am from Toronto, Canada.

 

[PhantomPod]

I've been feeling like that for quite a while now. I'm 25 years old and I still feel like a 15 year old in high school. A big reason for feeling that way, for me personally, was that I still lived at home with my parents. I actually just moved out on my own a week ago and it's been good so far and has at least helped me feel a bit more mature for my age.

 

[market.garden]

I've been feeling like that for quite a while now. I'm 25 years old and I still feel like a 15 year old in high school. A big reason for feeling that way, for me personally, was that I still lived at home with my parents. I actually just moved out on my own a week ago and it's been good so far and has at least helped me feel a bit more mature for my age.

I think moving out plays a huge part in making you feel like you've grown up. I'm planning on finally moving out of my parents house soon - I've set myself a target of six weeks. Nervous as I'll probably be living with strangers, but part of me also can't wait.

 

[Sea Bass]

I'm sorry to hear about what your going through. I hope that things work out for you and that the bond between you and your sister stays strong.



I'm kind of a paradox.

I feel bad about life. I am 21 and I also feel like my life is stagnant. I don't think I have grown up all that much - I still feel like I'm 17. I've noticed that I have poor coping skills and that I have trouble keeping my emotions in check. I at times feel overwhelmed by my emotions only to later realize that things weren't really all that big of a deal. Every time I hear about or see people I once knew make progress in their life, and notice how much farther ahead they are, it makes me feel bad about myself. I am starting to dread the future - as I get older the people I once knew will start to get married and have careers and stuff and I will very likely be behind because of my anxiety - I have alot of catching up to do.

I feel good about life. As bad as things get I start to tell myself that out of all this crap that I'm going through something really good will come of it. I tell myself this and I start to believe it. I believe that when things get really bad, it means that something really good is going to happen. I've been daydreaming alot and I've been listening to alot of inspiring- "get high" music. I at times feel overwhelmed with the emotions that come with the anticipation that something good is going to come my way.

I don't know. I all this could be just a result of me not having grown up yet. I have really high highs and really low lows. My life is kind of a roller coaster. I think I lack the discipline that you said you needed. I find that alot of the people in authority that I deal with lately are kind of hard on me - I think that they notice some kind of undisciplined energy in me (could be my anxiety).

I'm a child.

 

[Sea Bass]

Whooooaahh!!! That is close to me. I started thinking that way when I was about 25, that if Dad had been more directive, I'd be better now. That's 50-year-old parents who were retired, worn out and tired before I was born. Bad planning. Ohh, it goes on. I rant on here, and tell the whole big story to... who? My pshchologists, etc, and when meeting a new girl in a restaurant.. long was back, but they see right through me - a dismal moaner, although sometimes it goes better.

I feel like a crybaby at times as well. I feel like I need to suck it up and get on with life. I have been called a moaner by friends of mine. It's embarrassing to hear, but it's definitely a much needed wake up call.

I'm going to take an ice cold shower now and think about what I've done wrong. I'll get back to you when I've grown a pair - lol.