Any1 here 50 & never dated

GoBlue72

GoBlue72

Well-known member
thesmallestloser said:
Well i guess a "well done" is in order!. Don't know how you did it, but you did. I think (just a theory) that when a person becomes able to be in a "relationship", that person has become more "healthy" overall than before (such as better self-esteem), and especially if they actually manage to form & maintain one. This is because being alone/isolated/antisocial/etc all the time is not a very healthy way to live, and it signifies ill-health in a number of areas.
So, here's to your continued good health!

Speaking of confidence, I have it in abundance ... but just not when it concerns people and women...


That's a good site, one of my favorites - possibly one of the best for dating & what-not (IMHO)
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Nice job, Daft. I didn't have my first date until right around that time. And it was a blind date I think, since I am still anxious to approach women and dating sites were still thought of as pretty sketchy. Smallestloser, I kind of agree with your theory. I don't buy that whole "you need to be good with yourself to be in a relationship", for the most part. I think when you get further along and things get deeper, that's probably true. But if you are only starting out or dating someone with similar types or number of issues it CAN increase your self-esteem. My thinking is, "okay, so you shouldn't do this or that", but that doesn't stop it from happening or people from doing it anyways. How many times do you hear not to date coworkers? Yet, I'd say a great number of people meet that way(whether or not it pans out).

After a couple years of unsuccessful first dates, I eventually dated a girl for four months(my all time record!). I broke things off with her, and have hit a dry spell the last few years. But lately, I've been doing a lot more than ever socially, after having a pretty down time in my life. My friends have even noticed the changes, as I'm trying to talk to more people and meet more women. I talked with a girl for a couple hours last night, only to get her number and learn she was already seeing someone. But hey, it's something to build on. :D
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
I'm 48 and not trying. I'm not trying to cure myself, I'm having to much of a good time.
 
N

nightcrawler

Well-known member
I'm 39 and haven't ever really dated. Sort of had a girlfriend at school but it never got serious. Came close to dating someone a few years later but it never happened, and nothing since. I thought - rather naively - that it would just happen one day (dating that is) but it never has. I've never gone out of my way to find someone though so only have myself to blame. I'm even on an internet dating site but despite getting quite a few "winks" and emails I've never responded to any! Apart from some miracle I'm realistically not expecting it to ever happen now...but never say never.
 
ilmatross

ilmatross

Well-known member
almost 21 and im four for four in terms of crazy women

ive given up, drugs hug much tighter and they never let go
 
Felgen

Felgen

Well-known member
AsTimeBurns said:
If it was that easy we would all have done it by now.
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I never said it was easy. It takes a lot of hard work, and even when you're anxiety is gone, what may have caused it (whether it's bipolar, Asperger's, Tourette's or ADD/ADHD) may still persist.

I'm no longer scared of crowds, interacting with people and so on, but I'm still somewhat shy--and my Asperger's is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Nevertheless, it became a lot easier to date girls once I was no longer scared of social interaction.
 
GoBlue72

GoBlue72

Well-known member
I forgot to add that I haven't had much luck on the dating sites most people suggested. Granted, I've only been using Okcupid.com for a month or so, but of the 50 or so emails I've sent out, only 3 have been returned. Match.com got me one date in the 6 months I was a member, and eharmony.com matched me with quite a few women, but I never met any in person over 3 months. From what I've read, women expect the men to do the pursuing, even online. So, that's what I've tried to do. It seems so hit and miss, so I'm glad to hear SOMEONE is having success this way. Maybe I'm just as judgemental as the women not responding to my emails. Who knows?
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
nightcrawler said:
I'm 39 and haven't ever really dated. Sort of had a girlfriend at school but it never got serious. Came close to dating someone a few years later but it never happened, and nothing since. I thought - rather naively - that it would just happen one day (dating that is) but it never has. I've never gone out of my way to find someone though so only have myself to blame. I'm even on an internet dating site but despite getting quite a few "winks" and emails I've never responded to any! Apart from some miracle I'm realistically not expecting it to ever happen now...but never say never.
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SNAP!. Very much like myself. Except i've never even been on a single date.

Like yourself, things have on a fair number of occasions reached the "almost" stage, but NEVER any further. Its probably due to having "mental blocks" to these things.

Since I have hardly had any real-life contact with women [that I like], they have over the years become more & more "wierder". At school I was used to them somewhat, but nowadays the whole male/female thing is just plain WIERD. Yet I do still admire certain women on TV, internet, & occasionally in real-life. But to actually have a real (as oppose to fantasy) partner/relationship would just be "too wierd" for me, as i've spent most of my life in isolation. I would wonder why the heck i have a partner.

Basically, how I "relate mentally" to women (that i find attractive) is:
- Lust (has always been a constant in my life)
- Rejection (feel they would all reject me if met me)
- Envy/bitterness/etc (the simple fact that i'm missing out on something "good" that other males have)
All the other ways of relating to women, I would have to "create from scratch", as never experienced these things before. Which is why it would be a tremendous "shock to the system" - too much of a change in my view.

nightcrawler said:
... never got serious ... Came close to... but it never happened ... nothing since ... that it would just happen one day ... never gone out of my way to find someone ... never responded to any ... apart from some miracle ... not expecting it to ever happen ... never say never
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My theories about luck/chance/waiting/destiny/etc is:
- If you're "lucky", a relationship can just "happen" (ie without seemingly any effort on your part [or theirs]). And if especially "lucky", you will "meet the (person) of your dreams, and live happily ever after"
- If you're "unlucky", a relationship will NEVER just "happen". Which means much WORK/EFFORT needs to be put into it for any opportunities to be gained (& realised). Or maybe there's little quaLITy (in your dealings with them), so then have to use quanTITy (?). A small quantity of minor-quality --> zero results. A MEDIUM or LARGE quantity of minor-quality --> SOME results (prob of minor quality, but results nonethless; IF any results are of HIGH quality, then maybe you're not quite as "unlucky" as you thought?!). An example would be the sending of large numbers of IMs/emails to women on a dating site, as GoBlue72 did, and got 3 replies. GoBlue72, like most of us here on socialphobiaworld, are in the "unlucky" category. Which means MUCH MORE HARD WORK would be required for any of the replies to give any "return" on the investment. Even then there's certainly no guarantees.
(I'll have to create a chart or sth, as this is getting way too complicated!)
- "You create your own luck in life". By "getting out there" more, your "chances" are sig improved (of meeting sby that will lead to relationnship)
- "You get out what out put in"
- "Effort brings reward"
- "Aim high"
 
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Johno

Johno

Well-known member
Well I think it is rather brave of you to admit the truth about your circumstances. I do understand to some extent what you have mentioned. I have dated in small quantities since the age of 23 and am still looking for my bitch in white armour............
 
I

inconspicuous name

Well-known member
GoBlue72 said:
From what I've read, women expect the men to do the pursuing, even online.
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i'd probably disagree with this bit, online women do expect men to do the pursuing simply because of the usually large men to women ratio. an average looking female online will get ten times the attention that a good looking male will online.

in real life situations it's a lot more even i believe, though maybe still tilted slightly in the favour of men. at bars i've noticed that women will often be the ones to approach men/ask them to dance just as much as guys do it to them.

you honestly don't know fear until you've had a random drunken chick you have no interest in try and flirt with you ::p:
 
ShyChild

ShyChild

Active member
25 & I haven't been on a date. To tell you the truth I don't know how to go about it. I don't have any friends so it's not like I have the opportunities to interact through them. At this point (even though it's been suggested to me by my therapist), I'm still against the idea of online dating. I get angry and sad about not having a mate, but can't seem to do anything about it. I want to have a family more than anything, but time is passing too quickly. Anyway I'm at a loss here too.
 
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