aggressiveness and women...
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Yeah, its one of those truths that you can either accept or not accept (men being the ones who are supposed to initiate). Accepting it means changing your beliefs and feelings, which I can tell you is a real bitch. If you want things with women to change, however, you must accept it, there simply isn't another alternative. It seems to me you have chosen not to accept it. So.............what now?? Another post on socialphobiaworld?
Satine
Well-known member
To answer your OP, you feel that that's what you're seeing because that's what you'd prefer to see. It's easier to imagine that everybody's doing these really bold, brassy seduction moves because you're either not comfortable sending/receiving subtle ones. But they do occur.
JCS008
Well-known member
It is the way society feels. But if you want to meet women, sometimes you have to play along with society's rules whether you agree or not. It's fine to disagree with societies rules, and hope women come up to you and things will become equal, but that's just not gonna happen. It's every man for himself sometimes.......
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
Some women prefer that men be aggressive with them while others don't. Some men can pull it off while others just end up seeming completely creepy. The bottom line is that you don't have to be aggressive, you have to exude confidence. I could write you a list of aggressive come-ons (which I've experienced) gone completely wrong. A man has to be confident and experienced if he is going to be aggressive. Chances are that these sort of men are aggressive by nature. If you don't have it in you to be aggressive then don't be! You're doing yourself and potential dates/girlfriends/sex partners a disfavor by assuming that all women like aggression.
Most women I know want their boyfriends, husbands or men whom they've been dating to be aggressive with them, not some stranger at the bar or on the street. I know plenty of men who like it when women are sexually aggressive with them. I know my husband does! There's nothing wrong with this. This isn't a question of morals. People want this because they want to be shown that they the other person desires them! It doesn't take a genius to figure this one out. Would it not turn you on knowing that a girl is crazy about you and shows it? It's not about brutal aggression or violence, it's about passion.
You worry too much about what you think others expect of you and then you become angry and bitter because you can't live up to those expectations. You don't have to live up to anyone's expectations. If you're truly happy with yourself than none of this would be an issue. You want a woman who likes and accepts you for who you are and not for what you "ought" to be.
The question is, do you really try to get out to places where you can meet women? Do you make a real effort to talk to different women? The way you write seems to imply that you're in social situations often, you hit on women often and get rejected often. To be quite honest, you sound like someone who talks a great deal about what people want and what people do but you don't sound like you have the experience to back up all this knowledge. Situations and people aren't a certain way just because you think they are. Things aren't always as they seem.
People give clear signals all the time, you just need to know how to spot them. You have to learn how to read body language, facial expressions and other little nuances. These things take real effort just as everything else does. It's not easy like you see in the movies.
Very few people will straight out tell you what they want. We're taught that it's rude to be forward and blunt so don't expect people to straight up tell you what it is that they want.
Your best bet is to get out there and try your best. It won't hurt to try and if you get turned down then try and try again. You have to make mistakes and fumble to learn. Rejection is part of the learning process. You can learn to do this but you have to put in the work. If you're not willing to put in the work then don't complain that you're single.
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
Klytus, you're a good, smart man.
Sinar_Matahari
Well-known member
I have to agree! There are men that I normally wouldn't be my type but then when I see that they're confident, interesting, intriguing or talented then I start to think they're totally hot. It can be their expressions or the way they talk, the way their mouths move. I could go on and on. They have to have that certain something about them. I'm a good looking, twenty five year old woman and I can give you a list of male celebrities that I think are hot even if they're not on the People's most beautiful people list and I can tell you that Brad Pitt is not one of them.
no1
Banned
my problem with this is this: the way I see people telling me to just "get out there and "hit" on women".
Are you suggesting I just "go on the hunt" at the mall or the street, looking for women to talk to but have no other intent whatsoever to be outside? ie, going outside JUST looking for vagina, to hit on women, "pick them up". At a bar, or club, by myself like some sort of don juan who can just go to places with the sole intent of looking for vagina, or at the very least, the sole purpose of meeting women so I can perhaps try and see if I can find a mate displayed as meat in a market?
You expect me to do that? I understand if you mean, to just go about your daily activities, being more sociable, etc. and women being included, and then like normal be friendly with them, and see what happens.
But to go "on the hunt" treat women like prey. And violently/aggressively so too. Being "brave" with them. Not necessarily just not being scared to do something but being more than "brave", like brave enough to not care whether she will be insulted by a rude and excessively bold remark, or that I am "bigger/stronger" than her so I can beat her up (???) thus I can do whatever I want with her. be brave enough to say something totally inappropriate.
I'm not at all comfortable with looking at women as prey and/or future baby carriers of mine,without knowing her at all first, if that's what you are suggesting.
If that's how women see that guys are supposed to be approaching them then there is soemthing very wrong with this society, and women in general. How do you expect a man to be brave enough to not care whether you will be insulted by such a thing as seeing her as mere prey, and as if sexual intercourse is my only intent with her, if not even a major concern.
If people are supposed to get sex naturally then why even go looking for it in that way? Only because you aren't getting any right? So in that case anyone who acts in any way as if they are going directly for it or whose major concern is that,is because they are either desperate or simply see women as sexual objects.
My probelm is that so many people suggest that I simply "go out" with the sole intent of finding a potential mate, and I find that aggressive, and degrading. As if that was my only purpose in life! Albeit one aspect of my life which I should be getting but if it's supposed to happen naturally, why act like savages!??
Unless you're a freakin womanizer who absolutely guaranteed, WILL find a woman to "mate" with.
The problem I also see with this is that.. once people start to separate, looking for a mate, and "not looking for a mate"... there will be times where you are not open, and you are open. So then, places like work, school, your commute, social activities, regular places that you could very well find a partner, you will be closed off to meeting anyone new because, you saved it for more so called "appropriate" places like... a bar, a club, and basically places that are simply for 'finding sex'. ie, a meat market. rather than treating any place you go to as a potential place to meet people.
Are you suggesting I just "go on the hunt" at the mall or the street, looking for women to talk to but have no other intent whatsoever to be outside? ie, going outside JUST looking for vagina, to hit on women, "pick them up". At a bar, or club, by myself like some sort of don juan who can just go to places with the sole intent of looking for vagina, or at the very least, the sole purpose of meeting women so I can perhaps try and see if I can find a mate displayed as meat in a market?
You expect me to do that? I understand if you mean, to just go about your daily activities, being more sociable, etc. and women being included, and then like normal be friendly with them, and see what happens.
But to go "on the hunt" treat women like prey. And violently/aggressively so too. Being "brave" with them. Not necessarily just not being scared to do something but being more than "brave", like brave enough to not care whether she will be insulted by a rude and excessively bold remark, or that I am "bigger/stronger" than her so I can beat her up (???) thus I can do whatever I want with her. be brave enough to say something totally inappropriate.
I'm not at all comfortable with looking at women as prey and/or future baby carriers of mine,without knowing her at all first, if that's what you are suggesting.
If that's how women see that guys are supposed to be approaching them then there is soemthing very wrong with this society, and women in general. How do you expect a man to be brave enough to not care whether you will be insulted by such a thing as seeing her as mere prey, and as if sexual intercourse is my only intent with her, if not even a major concern.
If people are supposed to get sex naturally then why even go looking for it in that way? Only because you aren't getting any right? So in that case anyone who acts in any way as if they are going directly for it or whose major concern is that,is because they are either desperate or simply see women as sexual objects.
My probelm is that so many people suggest that I simply "go out" with the sole intent of finding a potential mate, and I find that aggressive, and degrading. As if that was my only purpose in life! Albeit one aspect of my life which I should be getting but if it's supposed to happen naturally, why act like savages!??
Unless you're a freakin womanizer who absolutely guaranteed, WILL find a woman to "mate" with.
The problem I also see with this is that.. once people start to separate, looking for a mate, and "not looking for a mate"... there will be times where you are not open, and you are open. So then, places like work, school, your commute, social activities, regular places that you could very well find a partner, you will be closed off to meeting anyone new because, you saved it for more so called "appropriate" places like... a bar, a club, and basically places that are simply for 'finding sex'. ie, a meat market. rather than treating any place you go to as a potential place to meet people.
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no1
Banned
alright but lets be honest here. I bet there are many people who think that, it is supposed to be like I just suggested people mean when they say "to go out, looking for pvssy". even though there are people who might not think the same way, as it may not be their style. but perhaps it's also because they already found love and don't feel, or aren't getting the suggestions to aggressively seek it.
Really, it's pointless to elaborate on that. When people say "go out, look for pussy" they talk about a type of woman you would not want to deal with. That special type likely prefers the more aggressive, violent version of males, which might be the central reason that underlies their life-long unhappiness. They are self-destructive at best and their preferences in romantic partners only sustain their pain.
cristina87
Member
let's just be bros
Supernova
Well-known member
In nature males will fight other males for a female, or attract them with other ways (dance, song, colour displays) thats the way life is, yes we should be a bit more evolved than animals but theres still primal things going on.
When I was a teenager I blamed society and women for me not having a girlfriend but you really can't keep doing that, its not an attractive quality. I'm sure your a nice guy in real life, you don't have to be aggressive, just smile at someone and see if you get a response, you don't even have to be attracted to them, infact its better if your not as you will give away small body language gestures they can pick up subconsciously, hence "play it cool". Or maybe just make eye contact. Your trying to be passive and not aggressive towards women but you probably come off as anxious and negative around women (going from your posts)
If you appear natually friendly people will warm to you and want to know more about you. Confidence helps too.
meatcake
1
^ yeah good point - and putting blame on society like that is likely to keep you in a state of anger at it, which would keep you from being happy. when it's much more a part of our genes. it's in all of us.
when i was younger i was really confused also, because a lot of stuff was written about how we were just blank slates, and society imprinted everything on us. but that's been refuted pretty well, i don't think many people still believe that. we're animals, with a veneer of thinking on top.
i don't like it either, and sometimes i'm frustrated at the way our brains work, but we're kind of stuck with them. for now, lol.
when i was younger i was really confused also, because a lot of stuff was written about how we were just blank slates, and society imprinted everything on us. but that's been refuted pretty well, i don't think many people still believe that. we're animals, with a veneer of thinking on top.
i don't like it either, and sometimes i'm frustrated at the way our brains work, but we're kind of stuck with them. for now, lol.
very_shy
Well-known member
Well, this is exactly what also I have been thinking recently! You could not say it better! Its like when you in certain places you have some computer and you press "date mode" and then you go, how to say, hunting, fishing, mostly in the bars, clubs etc., combining this with alcohol. And then maybe it is possible to get girlfriend... Khm, in this way, also for me- no thanks.
Some of my thoughts: exactly because of previous ideas (my opinion) I feel that the things like dating and similar things are for us (shy, passive people) in the other dimension. The portals through which you can access it, are many, but in most of them you must change yourself.
Yes, sometimes it feels that we-the passive ones only complain and sit home and wait for the girls to come after them. Maybe for us it is inappropriate to do a first step, if the girl herself does not give any signals that she likes you or even, that she does not have a boyfriend. So imagine you suddenly ask a girl out and she says than she is not free or no, thanks. I heard advices, that you have nothing to lose, come one, do the first step! Infact, with this step, who proved to be unsuccessful, the "world" will not stay unchanged: a) the girl refused me b) the question is, what will she think of me c) also what will she be telling her friends ("some jerk approached me... You know, this one...." "Oh, I know him... "
Maybe I exaggerated a little (especially as I never ever approached a girl, like no1 did...), so , but just to let know no1, that he is not alone in some of his opinions.
no1
Banned
no we are not necessarily stuck with them! the more people buy into it, the more we desire to be that way, and the more we succumb to it. we can choose our destiny.
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