Affected by strangers

[Carol]

Can it ruin your whole day if a complete stranger gives you a dirty look?

I feel like I've been doing so well for so long, learning to deal with my social anxiety and be brave and talk with people and not so be hard on myself if I make mistakes. And in general I've been happy with the results, feel like people have responded well to me and that things are going so much better.

But complete strangers can really ruin my day. Today my daughter and I accidentally got in a stranger's way as she was going out of a store. When I realized we were in her way, I smiled and apologized and stepped back. The lady was totally disgusted. She looked first at me, then she examined my 7-year-old daughter from head to toe, and then shook her head with a look of complete contempt and stormed out. It really upset me. I don't think we held her up for more than about five seconds, but the look she gave us made me feel like we're lower than the dirt beneath her feet. I can't stop thinking about it.

Do strangers' looks ruin your whole day? How do you deal with it?

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello Carol,

I think this woman had bad day and later she just need volunteer her "frustration" at least with bad look on
other people even "small innocent darling as your daughter sure is"
People can be rude in many ways. Someone with "dirty looks" someone with "words" is whole scale of things how people can let theirs own issues grow over and later they just don't know how deal with and heal the worse way and swap on others like "if i had bad day-let's others have it too". Must been not because of u and your daughter.

Well to your question:

Do strangers' looks ruin your whole day?

My answer is : "YES" it ruin my whole day and yet couple days after can be even months. "Dirty looks" of people are one of mine main issue with which i hardly cope:/
I have paranoid imagines that this looks always deserve to me and i'm the reason of their bad mood coz they saw me and i'm starting thinking "oh is with me something wrong?"

How do you deal with it?

Well i deal with it with the worse way as i can and this isolating myself of outside world.
Do you think others worry about it? NO, of course not they just care about them self why
someone should worry he just pay dirty look back and for sure many people isn't so kind
as u was and "apologize" forgot about it :/ is kind of sad but "reality"

Ignoring is the best way those individuals. And don't take everything so seriously. I think a lot
of people have their own business and if they care about u is few seconds and later they
forgot about whole incident.

Well i didn't find yet way how to stop worrying after those situations i will be grateful if i will find the
way to stop obsessing about it.

 

[Carol]

Thanks... you're right, I shouldn't obsess about it. I do take things too seriously. The incident wasn't that big of a deal and that lady had no reason to get so upset about it. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.

 

[Phoenixx]

Yeah, I'm a very sensitive person and a dirty look from a person or a rude comment can completely ruin my whole day, even if it was starting out good.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

It used to and it still could if I gave it any importance. Anyone who reacts that way has some serious problems and is not worth a second thought. Then again, if someone were to look at my daughter that way, I instinctively get hostile. I would have asked that woman what the hell her problem was. It's one thing if someone gives me a dirty look, but it's another thing if they try to involve my child. Anyone with a modicum of propriety know that you do not mess with people's children lest you want to get pushed into oncoming traffic.

 

[Carol]

Thank you all so much for your replies. You're right, Sinar Matahari, it affected me much worse because she involved my daughter. If she had only given ME a dirty look, I wouldn't still be thinking about it now. It's nearly 3 p.m. the day after that incident, and I'm still obsessing about it. I wish I could stop. And I love your comment about "lest you want to get pushed into oncoming traffic"!

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

Thank you all so much for your replies. You're right, Sinar Matahari, it affected me much worse because she involved my daughter. If she had only given ME a dirty look, I wouldn't still be thinking about it now. It's nearly 3 p.m. the day after that incident, and I'm still obsessing about it. I wish I could stop. And I love your comment about "lest you want to get pushed into oncoming traffic"!

I'd have to struggle not to think about as well. I think that it's instinctive for a mother to be worried and angry once she perceives that her child is being threatened. I find that no anger compares to the anger I've felt when my child has been mistreated. Perhaps it might give you some peace to know that this is probably why the incident is bothering you so much and that any mother out there would feel the same as you.

 

[Predacon]

It annoys me when it happens, as I always wonder what's their problem, but once the moments passed there's no profit in dwelling on it so I don't.

 

[popolala]

well, that wasnt nice of her.. but u didnt do anything wrong, so u should forget about it. why worry about someone who u dont even know ey? .. why allow someone who u dnt knw hav so much control over ur emotions? .. u dont even know her name.. and while you are spendin your time thinking about her, i dont think she is even thinking about u at all.. not even a second..

so the more u wasting your time thinking about someone who is not a big part of your life, your life is just going past just like that..

 

[Liam17]

I always get dirty looks. I also get stared at too much.

 

[Carol]

You're right - and I'm mostly over it now! Thanks.

 

[Hastings & Main]

I hate those looks. I have to then check my reflection to see if I have a bird on my head or if I somehow got covered in something disgusting w/o knowing it.

One time on the bus some guy sat down beside me and immediately started to shove me over (I was tucked in as much as possible, AND I'm skinny), and then proceeded to start swearing at me, "You own the f****ing bus!? Move over!!" etc.
He then looked at me like I just murdered his cousin's family and jumped up and sat somewhere else.
If this happened 5-10 years ago I would've been mortified, but I've since been teaching myself that "what they think of me is NONE of my business". And I just chuckled as he found another seat.

As it turns out, the man himself WAS the problem: I witnessed him a week later walking down the street punching the air and swearing under his breath at - most likely - voices in his head. (Not belittling him or his affliction, mind you; I figure I'm just a slight chemical-imbalance away from being him)
So it is the other party that needs to re-evaluate themselves, not you.

And if it turns out you DO have a bird on your head - wear it with pride.

 

[chickenmaryjane]

Yea, dirty looks from people can really mess your day up. But if I was you I would have gave her a dirty look too. I do this when ever someone gives me the dirty look.

 

[geekyloaner]

Good story I hold doors open for people and am courtesy when needed. I try and smile at older people 60+. Sadly I get dirty looks even being this way the older generation needs to learn respect when you give it to them they expect it for some reason. No, if u are not 60 + you will not be smiled at; jk I do but the point is some people forget respect is earned not given. Doesn't mean you should disrespect either just respect them and if they don't respect you then you were the better person. Also its an excuse to say since you have been on earth longer you should be respected. False respect should be mutual not just i am older bow down not how it works and really it just goes to show why young people show no respect especially in my generation we listen to the baby boomer's and get treated like dogs. We learn from actions so if you don't respect your own generation or your children then really who's to blame. The people who are coming up in the world or the older generation that wants respect and wants it one sided. So your daughter saw from some one older that she doesn't have to respect people not because of you the mother but the person who just gave you a dirty look. So i would be upset and retracted what I said.Thats what I do. I hold open the door and someone expects it and the next person gives me a dirty look yes I will shut the door in there face they did not earn it. I smile you give me dirty look I don't show the person respect. So the people who complain about no respect in society needs to look at themselves and say I don't respect anyone why should they respect me. read not dictated people may see it another way but thats the way I was raised.