Advice from friends..

[Argamemnon]

Some 'friends' were telling me that it is 'no wonder' that I suffer from anxiety and depression, because I have no woman in my life (I'm 33). They claim it is impossible to concentrate on anything (work, study), as long as I'm single..

I'm sure they mean well, but frankly I think it's an absurd claim because I have suffered from anxiety all my life. Do they want me to believe that I would suddenly become a totally different person, if I had a wife and children? Suddenly, I would be able to do everything I had wanted to do in my life? Like a magic cure? ::

Then how come there are people who were married and had to divorce because the man (or woman) was depressed? I myself have known such people! One guy even told me; "I am destined to suffer; no woman on earth, or anything else in this world can cure me". I feel exactly the same way, although I have never experienced "love" (I don't even believe it exists, but ok).

It would be nice to hear from people who have had relationships before, and whether a relationship has such a dramatic impact on one's life? Thanks in advance

 

[Argamemnon]

I strongly disagree with what your friends are telling you. They say these things because they dont understand what you are going through. I have friends say to me all the time "man you just need to get you a g/f". Seriously having or getting a girlfriend is the last thing on my mind (im 30) btw.

Thanks.. have you ever had a girlfriend?

What if I end up getting a wife and children and my depression/anxiety continues or worsens, and I can't take care of them? That would be even worse...

 

[Silvox Black]

I beg to differ on what your friends said. There is some basis in that if you have a female companion for yourself then you will fare far better, but that lover must be understanding and compatible with your personality in order for you to feel better and be able to accomplish more. I also agree with Barry's words. Those "friends" of yours do not know the pain you suffer through for if they did, they would not say such things. You should keep in mind that everyone has had different experiences, it is merely that your friends are assuming that their experiences or tales they have heard are correct and the other stories and events that are contrary to theirs are wrong. Or perhaps they merely do not even think of it.

 

[Silvox Black]

Yes several of them and it makes no difference. If you are having issues weather it be Anxiety/depession or whatever the case may be it isnt going to matter. Having a girlfriend is not going to take that away. Theonly difference is you have one more person to confide in. After w hile they tend to get tired of hearing it.

I am sorry that you had lovers who "grew tired" of hearing of your pain. I would go so far as to say that they were not truly lovers, since a true lover, a true girlfriend/boyfriend is one that understands you and instead of not wishing to hear of your problems, asks for you to explain more. I hope that someday you find peace with your grievances in this.

 

[Argamemnon]

Yes several of them and it makes no difference. If you are having issues weather it be Anxiety/depession or whatever the case may be it isnt going to matter. Having a girlfriend is not going to take that away. The only difference is you have one more person to confide in. After a while they tend to get tired of hearing it. I am NOT going to go out and get a girlfriend just for the sake of having one and hoping it will cure my issues, just my opinion though.

Thanks man, I really appreciate your answer. I knew they were wrong. My conclusion is that those people do not know how bad depression and anxiety can be. They think I'm 'normal' like them, but I can't blame them.

 

[Argamemnon]

I beg to differ on what your friends said. There is some basis in that if you have a female companion for yourself then you will fare far better, but that lover must be understanding and compatible with your personality in order for you to feel better and be able to accomplish more. I also agree with Barry's words. Those "friends" of yours do not know the pain you suffer through for if they did, they would not say such things. You should keep in mind that everyone has had different experiences, it is merely that your friends are assuming that their experiences or tales they have heard are correct and the other stories and events that are contrary to theirs are wrong. Or perhaps they merely do not even think of it.

I just saw your answer, thanks.. I totally agree

 

[Silvox Black]

Really just one of them did and she did not come right out and say it....i could just tell. She had issues of her own. Besides who wants to sit around and listen to some dude constantly thinking he is dying and has every disease known to man 24/7? I cant say i blame her as that would become very old after while and if someone else can make her happy then so be it. That is why i dont want a relationship right now because next time i get into one i want to be sure this type of thing will not happen again.

Yes, trying to consider a relationship involves a good deal of risk. Having to make one's personal self vulnerable. I suppose that is the difficulty then, finding someone who is willing to care for you. But, to answer your question of who would wish to listen to you, even though it was rhetorical, a person who would listen to you would be a true lover. Being in a relationship is a sharing of burdens. It is confiding in each other and supporting each other equally. Age should not have to be something limiting, although there are some aspects that cannot be helped if you see my meaning. I do understand your actions though, making certain that you are not harmed again. It is a logical course of action I suppose. Again, I wish you luck with your anguishes. It always pains me to see someone such as yourself in such a horrible situation.

 

[Hellhound]

Having a woman won't determine if you will be cured or not... =/ This issue goes a bit beyond that.

 

[Argamemnon]

It always pains me to see someone such as yourself in such a horrible situation.

Well, at least Barry1979 has had several girlfriends, I've had nothing (and never will)

 

[Silvox Black]

Well, at least Barry1979 has had several girlfriends, I've had nothing (and never will)

I would say that life plays such a bitter joke giving Barry love and then wisking it away. I would also say that you should not be so quick to say you'll never find someone, though I myself can understand what you were thinking. To be honest, I never truly tried to look for a companion. I never thought I would be loved.

 

[Nicholas]

Some 'friends' were telling me that it is 'no wonder' that I suffer from anxiety and depression, because I have no woman in my life

I'll tell you what I think: I used to think the same, but I realized that was completely wrong. I would say that the truth is the opposite of what they told you. They said you have anxiety and depression because you don't have a woman, but I say you probably don't have a woman because you have anxiety and depression.

You must ask yourself this question: what kind of girl would love to be with a guy like me? If you think there are girls who can love you, then you're ok. Otherwise, you have problems that you have to fix first, and those are the real causes, that's why you don't have a woman.

I have read lots of stories online about guys or girls that had anxiety or depression and were all in a long term relationship. The anxiety and depression was always there, and a lot of those relationships broke apart in the end.

 

[Nicholas]

I am sorry that you had lovers who "grew tired" of hearing of your pain. I would go so far as to say that they were not truly lovers, since a true lover, a true girlfriend/boyfriend is one that understands you and instead of not wishing to hear of your problems, asks for you to explain more. I hope that someday you find peace with your grievances in this.

I used to think the same, but the sad truth is that, believe it or not, everyone gets tired of people with depression. Depressed people are whiny losers, you can't stand that torture long. Trust me, I have experienced it, I've seen it, I've read about it... If you have severe depression, people are going to abandon you sooner or later, even almost all of the "caring girlfriends". The only person who maybe will never abandon you might be your mom, if you have one, a good one. I can't think of no one else.

 

[Silvox Black]

I used to think the same, but the sad truth is that, believe it or not, everyone gets tired of people with depression. Depressed people are whiny losers, you can't stand that torture long. Trust me, I have experienced it, I've seen it, I've read about it... If you have severe depression, people are going to abandon you sooner or later, even almost all of the "caring girlfriends". The only person who maybe will never abandon you might be your mom, if you have one, a good one. I can't think of no one else.

And I refute that good sir! I myself am living proof that the goodwill of humanity is not yet dead! I also am somewhat affronted that you would call depressed people "whiny losers". I cannot stand the torture for long? I am to the torture my friend. If you came to this viewpoint through your own life experiences then I will grant you pardon, but if you came to this through ignorance or spite, then I may have some speaking to do.

 

[Argamemnon]

You must ask yourself this question: what kind of girl would love to be with a guy like me? If you think there are girls who can love you, then you're ok. Otherwise, you have problems that you have to fix first, and those are the real causes, that's why you don't have a woman.

I agree and I ask myself those questions..

I have read lots of stories online about guys or girls that had anxiety or depression and were all in a long term relationship. The anxiety and depression was always there, and a lot of those relationships broke apart in the end.

Did all those relationships end because they had depression or anxiety?