acceptance

[dottie]

everyone says that it doesn't matter what people think of you. it does. everything always depends on what people think of you! people who are wealthy are wealthy because they are ACCEPTED.

i have never felt genuinely accepted.

* in high school i was on a team (which took a huge amount of balls in the first place!) i tried out to be on the team again the next year. every single newcomer and every single person on the team from the previous year was accepted. except for me.

* i had a job interview where the lady shut the door and told me that i wouldn't stand a chance getting hired in that city, that i needed to make eye contact, and have confidence- basically that i wasn't fierce enough.

* every job i have i am the wierd, awkward one that no one likes. i have always quit or moved before they could fire me. until now.

* i got fired last summer.

* i got "let go" of this december because "business is slow" (bullshit, they just didn't like me)

i could go on but these are things that really stand out.

tomorrow i have a temp assignment. they are going to try me out for a day or two. if they ACCEPT me, then i can work there for a month. (wow, i'm thrilled to be under the microscope again.)

i have pushed myself and tried over and over despite my FEARS. i have been rejected so many times that i don't even feel like trying anymore. if you are shy/quiet in this society you are grouped with the low class, the degenerates.

 

[chickenmaryjane]

I remember working at this job where no one wanted to have anything to do with me, even though i tried my best to please them. When a new person was hired everybody accepted her immediately. I have worked many months there and was never accepted, only was made fun of. It is true if you are shy/quiet in this society you are grouped with the low class, the degenerates. My heart breaks every time I think how my workmates treated me. I never did any thing to hurt them, yet they despised me. I just wanted to be accepted. I hate this cold world!

 

[dottie]

I remember working at this job where no one wanted to have anything to do with me, even though i tried my best to please them. When a new person was hired everybody accepted her immediately. I have worked many months there and was never accepted, only was made fun of. It is true if you are shy/quiet in this society you are grouped with the low class, the degenerates. My heart breaks every time I think how my workmates treated me. I never did any thing to hurt them, yet they despised me. I just wanted to be accepted. I hate this cold world!

we could be degenerate friends! i hate this cold world, too. it is so nonsensical.

 

[Morgan01]

that's so over the top. you are really exaggerating.
* you probably weren't a very good teammate, how could you be if you didn't talk to people.
*interviews are not about accepting, they are about performing well and being prepared.
* In order to be accepted you have to put yourself out there, people don't want to be around someone that isn't confident and that is hard to talk to it's just human.

It seems like you create this in your head. everyone tries out for teams and gets turned down. A lot of people have bad interviews and bad job experiences. You can't just stop trying.

people who are accepted are accepted because they accept themselves, they don't try too hard or care too much, they are just themselves. You could be a total weirdo but if you put yourself out there and are confident people will want to be around you. It doesn't matter if you do something stupid. Everyone does stupid things you just have to be able to laugh it off.

 

[Riiya]

I think you need to learn to be more assertive. And to stop caring what others think of you. It's true what they say: accept yourself, and others will accept you.

 

[dottie]

that's so over the top. you are really exaggerating.

THANKS

* you probably weren't a very good teammate, how could you be if you didn't talk to people.

THANKS. of course i tried talking and participating. i am not good at connecting with people. i suspect i have aspergers (i am not just saying this, i am very serious as it is relevant in almost all aspects of my life). i have lots of talents, talking and joking isn't one of them.

*interviews are not about accepting, they are about performing well and being prepared.

as far as i knew interviewing is of the intention of job acceptance. and being prepared can be overshadowed by insecurities- as irrational as those insecurities may be.

* In order to be accepted you have to put yourself out there, people don't want to be around someone that isn't confident and that is hard to talk to it's just human.

It seems like you create this in your head. everyone tries out for teams and gets turned down.

A lot of people have bad interviews and bad job experiences. You can't just stop trying.

people who are accepted are accepted because they accept themselves, they don't try too hard or care too much, they are just themselves. You could be a total weirdo but if you put yourself out there and are confident people will want to be around you. It doesn't matter if you do something stupid. Everyone does stupid things you just have to be able to laugh it off.

 

[Sure_whynot]

everyone says that it doesn't matter what people think of you. it does. everything always depends on what people think of you! people who are wealthy are wealthy because they are ACCEPTED.

i have never felt genuinely accepted.

* in high school i was on a team (which took a huge amount of balls in the first place!) i tried out to be on the team again the next year. every single newcomer and every single person on the team from the previous year was accepted. except for me.

* i had a job interview where the lady shut the door and told me that i wouldn't stand a chance getting hired in that city, that i needed to make eye contact, and have confidence- basically that i wasn't fierce enough.

* every job i have i am the wierd, awkward one that no one likes. i have always quit or moved before they could fire me. until now.

* i got fired last summer.

* i got "let go" of this december because "business is slow" (bullshit, they just didn't like me)

i could go on but these are things that really stand out.

tomorrow i have a temp assignment. they are going to try me out for a day or two. if they ACCEPT me, then i can work there for a month. (wow, i'm thrilled to be under the microscope again.)

i have pushed myself and tried over and over despite my FEARS. i have been rejected so many times that i don't even feel like trying anymore. if you are shy/quiet in this society you are grouped with the low class, the degenerates.

Music is what gets me in the right mindset, have a look at the lyrics even if you cant stand the actual song. =]

Watch this "Music video" & listen to the words. I was going to say the "more info" section has the lyrics, but you cant see it. =/
Heres a link for the lyrics: http://www.lyricsdomain.com/19/scary_kids_scaring_kids/degenerates.html


YouTube - Scary Kids Scaring Kids-Degenerates

Know your value, f**k everyone else, and never look back.

 

[Lea]

Asperger Syndrome and Employment ... - Hledání v Google Book

 

[worrywort]

Hi Dottie,

I know what you mean about wanting to be accepted. It's probably one of the biggest desires inside me, and I always like to try and pride myself on the fact that I would accept anyone as a friend, no matter who they are or what they've done. The whole unconditional love thing...I think the world desperately needs it atm.

But I think there's a difference between the unconditional love of two people, and the actual way the world works....[I wish there wasn't!]....i.e. imagine applying for a job as a doctor when you have no qualifications....the employer may well deny your application, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't still accept you as a friend outside of work. It's just business. It's not personal.

I'm in a similar position, work wise, but my plan is to just start off low and work my way up. i.e. cleaning/factory jobs.

if you are shy/quiet in this society you are grouped with the low class, the degenerates.

yea, this is one thing I hate about the west...but I don't think it's necessarily the way things should be...in the east, a shy and quiet demeanour is often revered and respected. I think we should be proud that we're quiet and think before we speak.

 

[♥ sweet kiss ♥]

Hey, Sorry about that dottie~

I've now been working at my job for almost a year and the other day someone from work said that I don't talk as much and I'm always in the corner by myself. It' was kind of amusing but it's true. I'm just slow at getting at a level where I feel like talking to people and letting my barrier down. I got fired from my first job when I was 17 becuase I didn't "speak up". It's really hard to go from shy to "fierce" in a few days. It takes time especcially if you've been like that your entire life. You don't have to change yourself but to be professional I think maybe you have to just suck it up sometimes and do the job. Try to smile and speak to people when you see them, or compliment them. Best of Luck ~!!!

 

[Sloth]

people who are accepted are accepted because they accept themselves, they don't try too hard or care too much, they are just themselves. You could be a total weirdo but if you put yourself out there and are confident people will want to be around you. It doesn't matter if you do something stupid. Everyone does stupid things you just have to be able to laugh it off.

Bit of a contradiction there, for most of the people on here including me, being confident and outgoing is not being ourselves. We have to go out of our way to do it, which means being more uncomfortable.

From what I gathered, dottie was merely highlighting the fact that it is painful not being accepted because of the way we are. And if suffering from depression, the pain can be crippling. Obviously we all want to learn to be more assertive, but lets face it, it's bloody hard work.

 

[dottie]

Asperger Syndrome and Employment ... - Hledání v Google Book

thank you! is this just a preview of the book? i read it and bookmarked it. hopefully i can read the rest.

Bit of a contradiction there, for most of the people on here including me, being confident and outgoing is not being ourselves. We have to go out of our way to do it, which means being more uncomfortable.

this is so true. it's either be myself (quiet) or be fake, both of which are pretty much socially unacceptable.

thank you for the supportive comments. it means so much to me just to be understood, even if i am exaggerating things in my mind. this is the only place where i can open up about my challenges.

 

[Lea]

I can always relate to your posts Dottie, I think we have very similar condition. I am not so good at describing it though. I have the same problems with looking for work, interviews.. I am willing to work and do my job right, prove that I am good but all this is nothing, all that´s required is to be "outgoing". It is better to be messy, unreliable and dishonest but outgoing than hardworking and shy. I would also like to improve my qualification but realistically looking at it, the best skills are nothing if my personality doesn´t change. Other choices are doing cleaning or so.. exactly right for us mentals. The only problem is, I want to proceed ahead and if I do this work, it doesn´t lead anywhere, it has no future and no money. I am looking for some solution at the moment.

As for the book, it´s only a couple of pages there, if you want it you have to buy it or order it. I would like to read it as well.

 

[Riiya]

From what I gathered, dottie was merely highlighting the fact that it is painful not being accepted because of the way we are. And if suffering from depression, the pain can be crippling. Obviously we all want to learn to be more assertive, but lets face it, it's bloody hard work.

I was mainly responding to if the last sentence:

if you are shy/quiet in this society you are grouped with the low class, the degenerates.

I don't think it's true. Being shy/quiet itself isn't a problem. If many people here feel rejected because they're shy/quiet, it's usually more because they're also awkward and they don't look comfortable with who they are.

All it means to be assertive is to know what your rights are and be able to let other people know what they are. From what I've gathered, dottie was always letting herself be walked all over (whether imaginary or not) - and regardless of the actual topic this is something that has to change. You don't have to be a social butterfly to be assertive, and I don't think being assertive will guarantee instant acceptance by your coworkers. However, it will help with your self-esteem and teach you to respect yourself, and someone who respects herself can usually gain the respect and/or acceptance of others.

 

[madmike]

I think we can learn to be ourselves, and at the same time develop pride, confidence and assertiveness whilst being ourselves. I understand how some of you feel that lack of confidence is an innate characteristic, but i think it's more of a habit, and what was once a response to criticism and unacceptance by others, but we can change this...

 

[Lea]

I can learn whatever I want, and I think I am pretty assertive (sometimes not to other´s liking), but what can I do if my body is still behaving like beaten dog . It´s automatical reactions.

 

[rado31]

this thread suddenly made me utter depressive. Screw you guys'n gals

 

[knowledgeiskey]

I know exactly what you are talking about. 2 years ago, I worked at a retail chain. I worked as a cash register. We were required to offer magazines upon every transaction. I hated offering them because the customers never wanted to accept the offer. They ignored you like you never even existed. I hated that. It cost me my job because I refused to ask. I'm not going to tarnish my self esteem in order to make corporate cash in. They never fired me, but I got a warning. To avoid that, I just stopped showing up.

The last job interview I had was horrible. I was interviewed by two supervisors. They both rejected me. The second supervisor told the first one to tell me that the job isn't for me. She rejected me and yanked the brochure out of my hand without even asking me for it. What irks me is that everybody gets hired at that particular place. It's a popular place where young people go to get a job. I was hurt for days.

 

[powerfulthoughts]

i have never felt genuinely accepted.

Only because you don't accept yourself. If you don't love yourself, accept yourself, and approve of yourself, then others won't want to either. We all have a portrait of how we think we are in our heads, and then we act it out. Until we can paint a different portrait, we remain stuck. If you work on changing yourself with love and respect for everything about yourself, then you will experience acceptance on a very natural level.

 

[Morgan01]

thank you! is this just a preview of the book? i read it and bookmarked it. hopefully i can read the rest.




this is so true. it's either be myself (quiet) or be fake, both of which are pretty much socially unacceptable.

thank you for the supportive comments. it means so much to me just to be understood, even if i am exaggerating things in my mind. this is the only place where i can open up about my challenges.

I am sorry about what I said. I wrote it late at night when I was in a bad mood and when I reread it recently it sounded pretty insensitive and rude. You are right this is definitely a place to be able to show your vulnerability and how you really feel, and sometimes life can feel very over the top.

People can be very cruel. I know some people I work with that have a hard time and people are not nice to them and talk about them and I feel bad for them.

Sometimes I really exaggerate things too and get myself worked up over them. For instance, the other day someone at work made a milkshake for me and my boyfriend.. to seperate ones I got a small siza and he got the big one.. I went on to him after we left about how everyone at work liked him more than me.
Even though I knew I was making a bigger deal than it needed to me I still felt that way.
Sometimes when you struggle with big things everything just piles on and every little thing seems awful, I know how that feels.