A state of mind?

[JosephG]

As the days go by I flit between thoughts about what my Social Anxiety actually is to me, How it manifests and more importantly how to work a way past it.

Over this past week I've started leaving the house and seeing people again! Which is a good thing as for two weeks prior to this point I have been essentially imprisoned in my own house procrastinating and merely existing. This short social time I had over the past few days has allowed me to learn a few things about myself - and I wanted to share them with you

I'm beginning to think that the reason I blank when people start talking to me is because I'm thinking. Not thinking about the conversation and I am sometimes too afraid to actually voice my opinion. But mostly I think it is because I am not in a functional social state. I am not free thinking - not responding naturally. But this is the thing I find so so hard. It's that ability to switch off and focus 100% on the conversation.
I've realised this because in fact I have had a few natural conversations over the past few days. And I've also had many forced ones that just did not flow at all.
But what made me realise this tonight was when I was chatting to my family. One moment I was completely locked into a thought cycle, tense, nervous and couldn't relax. But then I forgot I was in a social situation and boom: I'm relaxed, responding freely to conversation and having a good time.

Now what I need to work out is how to switch my noggin' off and learn how to get past this irrational state of mind.

I really appreciate it if you have read this far - I just wanted to share my musing with the forum.. I certainly do my fair share of it!
Oh... and Merry Christmas everyone and I hope you all had a great day.

 

[Phoenixx]

That's awesome how you're improving. Keep it up! And Merry Christmas to you too!

 

[EasySkanking]

Indeed josephg, we think too much

Try this: next time you go into a liquor store or about to talking to somebody or something like that, just do it, think to yourself "I wont think I will just do it" and you'll see what a world of difference it makes

 

[Minty]

I wonder about that too. I went out yesterday for a Christmas Eve gathering and I wasn't anxious at all. I've completely switched my sleep pattern from sleeping at night/awake during the day to awake at night/sleeping during the day (I have a tendency to do this during breaks throughout the school year). And my mind has been really foggy because of the switch, so I couldn't think properly. I couldn't think about my faults or how awkward I am. I just kind of...went with the conversation that was happening and was totally fine.

Obviously changing your sleep pattern isn't a solution, haha. But I notice anxiety tends to go away when you force yourself to pay attention to your surroundings. One way to do this is to notice the colors around you. Say them in your head. You can count things as well. It's boring but eventually you get lost in your surroundings and almost start to admire them. You can do this with people too and even make comments that would be helpful to the conversation. "That's a nice top; I really like the pattern!" Etc. Etc.

If you train your brain to focus on sensations opposed to making harsh judgments against yourself, things could be a lot easier. But it takes practice and commitment.

 

[EasySkanking]

^Indeed.

When I focus on my work when I'm working I do a better job and when I get off work I feel tired as hell but energized and happy at the same time..... but when I focus on what people are thinking about me at work, I work less efficiently, do less work, and end up even more tired that I just get home and go to sleep and feel depressed.... social anxiety is tiring....... try focusing on other things - that's the key

 

[missjesss]

It is most deffinately a state of mind if your thinking about other things whilst in conversation then of course u can't speak right and most of the time we r about to think of our symptoms as soon as someone speaks to us

 

[Falkor]

thats great to hear!!! We just have to think rational again, to know nothing is going wrong, and like you said, concenrate on the conversation is very good to have a natural social interaction. If you worry about how it will go, you will have troubles with it. Just think everything will be fine and just approach it like it's something you really want to do. Just fight it, don't over think it. I feel nervous sudden too, in social situations. But if I get distracted from my thoughts, the fact that I'm letting my anxiety control over my body, No! I keep concenrating on the conversations, do something what distracts me, so that I can just keep going. Because that's the key .
I'm happy things are going so well for you JosephG!
Keep it up!!!!

 

[JosephG]

thank you all for your replies and your positive words There is always a wonderful and caring response from this forum. It is true what I've read on here that people SA are really good natured... I think it is because we are so thoughtful.
There is a common theme of advice here from you all Focus on other things! I guess that is a skill I will have to learn and strengthen with time, work and effort.
Thank you all again

 

[Snowdrop]

Well once again I looked at the thread title and thought..did I write this earlier? :: But congrats that you are learning and getting better every time I am enlightened some way by reading your threads and I hope you keep on improving. I totally agree with the mindblank theory. It happens to me all the time, it's just stopping them that's darn hard.