A rant, surprise surprise

[DanFC]

First of all, you really shouldn't read all this. I just feel the need to put my feelings on a public forum so it's "out there", if you will. Anyways...

I've never been happy to the point I thought "this is the way life should be". I've had times of joy, but never deep or long-lasting, especially for the last couple of years. I've slowly been accepting who I am, but it hasn't made me happier, just a bit more stable.

I think one thing that would at least help me is a deep, nurturing and reciprocal relationship, but I've never had that. Just a beautiful (in a non-superficial way) person I could spend time with instead of wasting myself away in my head. But I know no-one could ever accept me, especially since i can barely do so myself. I'm really unattractive, a cynic, I have no personality, and (obviously) I have problems with my self-esteem. There is no one who would want this.

Even the few times I can form some scrap of a connection with another, the next second I see her she is figuratively drooling after some other guy. Always. Never has someone showed explicit attraction towards me. I've been fooled many times into thinking otherwise, but it always ends the same way. I will die alone, and I'd rather be miserable than nothing at all, as I know many people simply become heartless when they can't find what their looking for.

Anyways, I just felt like I had to get all this off my chest. You didn't have to read that (lol, I sure hope you didn't waste your time like that), and I'd really appreciate it if no one left comments like "oh, you'll find someone", or "be patient", because I know myself better than anyone, and if you knew me, you wouldn't be saying such things.

 

[goldatom]

I think relationships and sex are overrated.

 

[Bones]

First things first, you need to start on trying to improve your self esteem, then you'll develop the confidence to be able to attract and keep a g/f.
Don't see problems see solutions... and then do the solution. Don't keep putting it off.

 

[Ignace]

I can't give you advice, I can only tell you that you're not the only one. Try to focus on something else then finding love. Think what you really like to do, and do that.

 

[DanFC]

I can't give you advice, I can only tell you that you're not the only one. Try to focus on something else then finding love. Think what you really like to do, and do that.

Yeap, that's what I'm doing, thanks. Just after certain events I can get a little frustrated with things.

I think relationships and sex are overrated.

I wish I could say that, I really do.

 

[Feathers]

How old are you? I had similar thoughts at around 16, and had a boyfriend about three years later.. He wasn't perfect (and neither was I) but it was good, and in some ways a learning experience too..
I did need to accept myself first and start liking or loving myself first

You also remind me of a poet friend who recently got married, with a very cute girl! Against all odds!!
We just thought he kept hitting on these really too-attractive girls (who wouldn't have him) but then he met someone he's happy with now!!
I think having a steady employment helped him in that regard, not sure how you're doing profesionally..
I think having female friends (us) helped him to start a relationship with his previous girlfriend (who was way cute too!) - so if you can have some female friends, or at least BE a friend to/with girls, go for it!
And I really like this quote: You don't 'get' friends you 'are' a friend. (Or something like that.)

Platonic one-sided crushes or 'love attractions' suck yeah, remember it has to be mutual to be really love.. And sometimes it takes a lot of 'wading through' (like for my friend above).

 

[Kiwong]

I think life's a rollercoaster whether you live it in relationship or not. I also think you'd have to be extremely fortunate to enter into a relationship that didn't throw at you some complications of it own. That's my main concern about relationships, that they could throw life complicarions at me that I am in no way prepared to deal with.

My life has been a rollercoaster for the last ten years, with the darkest of nightmares, but also some of the most brilliant days I've ever lived on this planet. You know what? I've actually been living. I've realised that this is what really living is meant to be, a wild ride, living the extreme lows and massive highs.

The great days I've lived, I call my brilliant days, and these brilliant days are so much better for the challenges I have confronted to live them.