DanFC
Well-known member
First of all, you really shouldn't read all this. I just feel the need to put my feelings on a public forum so it's "out there", if you will. Anyways...
I've never been happy to the point I thought "this is the way life should be". I've had times of joy, but never deep or long-lasting, especially for the last couple of years. I've slowly been accepting who I am, but it hasn't made me happier, just a bit more stable.
I think one thing that would at least help me is a deep, nurturing and reciprocal relationship, but I've never had that. Just a beautiful (in a non-superficial way) person I could spend time with instead of wasting myself away in my head. But I know no-one could ever accept me, especially since i can barely do so myself. I'm really unattractive, a cynic, I have no personality, and (obviously) I have problems with my self-esteem. There is no one who would want this.
Even the few times I can form some scrap of a connection with another, the next second I see her she is figuratively drooling after some other guy. Always. Never has someone showed explicit attraction towards me. I've been fooled many times into thinking otherwise, but it always ends the same way. I will die alone, and I'd rather be miserable than nothing at all, as I know many people simply become heartless when they can't find what their looking for.
Anyways, I just felt like I had to get all this off my chest. You didn't have to read that (lol, I sure hope you didn't waste your time like that), and I'd really appreciate it if no one left comments like "oh, you'll find someone", or "be patient", because I know myself better than anyone, and if you knew me, you wouldn't be saying such things.
I've never been happy to the point I thought "this is the way life should be". I've had times of joy, but never deep or long-lasting, especially for the last couple of years. I've slowly been accepting who I am, but it hasn't made me happier, just a bit more stable.
I think one thing that would at least help me is a deep, nurturing and reciprocal relationship, but I've never had that. Just a beautiful (in a non-superficial way) person I could spend time with instead of wasting myself away in my head. But I know no-one could ever accept me, especially since i can barely do so myself. I'm really unattractive, a cynic, I have no personality, and (obviously) I have problems with my self-esteem. There is no one who would want this.
Even the few times I can form some scrap of a connection with another, the next second I see her she is figuratively drooling after some other guy. Always. Never has someone showed explicit attraction towards me. I've been fooled many times into thinking otherwise, but it always ends the same way. I will die alone, and I'd rather be miserable than nothing at all, as I know many people simply become heartless when they can't find what their looking for.
Anyways, I just felt like I had to get all this off my chest. You didn't have to read that (lol, I sure hope you didn't waste your time like that), and I'd really appreciate it if no one left comments like "oh, you'll find someone", or "be patient", because I know myself better than anyone, and if you knew me, you wouldn't be saying such things.