A Place to Introduce Yourself
- Thread starter ScaredGirl
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PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
Hi Emma! 
Hello,I'm 25,male,currently unemployed,no car,no house,one "friend",a family I don't really belong to,and my only earthly possession is just a smartphone,I was at sunwaves festival this weekend with a friend who insisted,I never been to this kind of event in my life,I felt so not in my element there where he and his friends were dancing and had a good time I was standing in a corner just watching until he gave me a pill saying it would make me feel really good,I took it and indeed after 40min I was dancing along hundreds of people,something I never did,I don't really remember the last time I danced,anyway I danced untill morning then slept all day at the hotel,then we got up and started again with same pill same dancing untill morning,we left the third day,halfway home I started crying really bad, something I never do, especially near someone,you see,i had a very shitty life (your typical alcoholic violent dad drama,dropped out of high school so I can work and support myself,no kind of relationship ever because of low self esteem and how I thought I don't deserve no one,etc)and i just had the fun of my life and I didn't want it to end,and all I was thinking is how now I'm returning to the nothingness of my life,how I have no purpose,no future and nothing to offer,turned out those pills were some kind of illegal drugs,but they woked me up after 25 years and the feeling of achieving nothing in that time hit me like a train,now I have the worst kind of depression there is,I don't eat,sleep,or even talk,all I think about is ending things and how I have nothing to lose if I do,I never asked for attention or victimised myself because for some reason I saw that as immature,but now I'm really scared and looking for help,I would give anything (if I had something) just to feel I belong somewhere or that I have even the slightest purpose,but no matter how much I stretch my hand there's nothing,and all I have left to leave behind is this story.
Miserum
Well-known member
Hi. There's nothing like drugs to wake a person up. :bigsmile:
You're only 25. Young. Life doesn't have to be this way. If you have low self-esteem, work toward goals (like getting your GED) that make you feel better about yourself.
Write out your feelings and thoughts here. It's certainly, in my experience, been therapeutic for me to do so.
Avalon331
Member
Thanks. I just joined and was looking for somewhere to post as a new member also. Good idea. Below in my message is a great acronym that I think might help people with SA.
Hi everyone...My social anxiety has been around since I was younger, but I didn't realize that was what the problem was at the time. (When I was young, I don't even think this was a valid diagnosis. We were just called super-shy). One of my biggest issues is that I feel too self-aware, thus self-conscious. When around friends and others, I constantly get embarrassed by how they act, even though no one else seems to think it is inappropriate. I know this is because in my head, I am so conscious about NOT acting that way and this is what causes anxiety.
Then I feel bad because I feel like I am judging other people and thinking I am better than them. But it is not that, I literally am just shocked at some of the things people do and say in front of other people. It boggles my mind that people seem to have no self-awareness. But, I know I am very different from the people around me. I am not glued to a phone constantly. I don't have Facebook or any social media because I think they have turned people into antisocial zombies. I also feel like I can see through people immediately. I know everyone puts on a facade and we all wear masks. But I can immediately see through people's intentions, thus isolating me further. Conversation is a big problem for me.
One of the biggest changes I've made is to follow a cool acronym that I discovered awhile back:
Before you open your mouth to say something ask yourself:
T - Is it thoughtful?
H - Is it honest?
I - Is it intelligent?
N - Is it necessary? - THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE TO ME -
K - Is it kind?
The reason I started doing this is because I realized when I tried to speak naturally, (with no one asking me a specific question), I always feel like I say something stupid or not right. This helps me to think more than speak. I also try to not speak unless someone speaks to me first. I also try to ask people questions. (Most people like talking about themselves, so it gets me off the hook of coming up with conversation).
I have always been a quiet person, but even when talking to my family or close friends, I immediately start seeing that they are distracted when I start talking. I get interrupted constantly. In a group of three or more, it is impossible for me to say anything. If I do, I seem to get ignored or interrupted. I can just see people's eyes glaze over rudely, as if they are not listening to me, and only trying to think about what they want to say next. I find it offensive because I always try to intently listen to someone when they are speaking to me. (an example of how obvious people's intentions are to me and how they act in public and how it is offensive to me)
When speaking or answering someone, I try to keep it short and sweet and polite. At work, it is a little different and I am able to have work-related conversations professionally. But as soon as the topic changes off work, I stop.
Some may say this is unnecessary and an extreme behavior modification. Some may say as a human, I have every right to speak my mind. However, doing this has actually made me less anxious. I'm not so worried anymore that I am annoying someone or talking too much or saying the wrong things. So I do the above acronym when answering someone speaking to me, but also use it if I cannot resist the urge to say something if not spoken to first. But shutting up and waiting until I've been spoken to has been a tremendous help. A doctor might say it is bad to do that, I'm sure, but it really has helped me. It gave me a newfound freedom, to be honest. The anxiety of screwing up a conversation or offending someone is gone, because I really can't when using this system. I honestly feel calmer and freer. I thought my problem with people not listening to me was the volume of my voice, because I know I can be quiet. So I paid attention to how quiet I was being, and I don't think that is it at all. I know people can hear me.
I'd like to know how people feel about the self-awareness/other people's self-awareness (or lack thereof) and how it affects them. This is one of my biggest issues. I cringe how people act, talk, etc., sometimes. And I hope my THINK acronym might help someone else here. Thanks!
Hi everyone...My social anxiety has been around since I was younger, but I didn't realize that was what the problem was at the time. (When I was young, I don't even think this was a valid diagnosis. We were just called super-shy). One of my biggest issues is that I feel too self-aware, thus self-conscious. When around friends and others, I constantly get embarrassed by how they act, even though no one else seems to think it is inappropriate. I know this is because in my head, I am so conscious about NOT acting that way and this is what causes anxiety.
Then I feel bad because I feel like I am judging other people and thinking I am better than them. But it is not that, I literally am just shocked at some of the things people do and say in front of other people. It boggles my mind that people seem to have no self-awareness. But, I know I am very different from the people around me. I am not glued to a phone constantly. I don't have Facebook or any social media because I think they have turned people into antisocial zombies. I also feel like I can see through people immediately. I know everyone puts on a facade and we all wear masks. But I can immediately see through people's intentions, thus isolating me further. Conversation is a big problem for me.
One of the biggest changes I've made is to follow a cool acronym that I discovered awhile back:
Before you open your mouth to say something ask yourself:
T - Is it thoughtful?
H - Is it honest?
I - Is it intelligent?
N - Is it necessary? - THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE TO ME -
K - Is it kind?
The reason I started doing this is because I realized when I tried to speak naturally, (with no one asking me a specific question), I always feel like I say something stupid or not right. This helps me to think more than speak. I also try to not speak unless someone speaks to me first. I also try to ask people questions. (Most people like talking about themselves, so it gets me off the hook of coming up with conversation).
I have always been a quiet person, but even when talking to my family or close friends, I immediately start seeing that they are distracted when I start talking. I get interrupted constantly. In a group of three or more, it is impossible for me to say anything. If I do, I seem to get ignored or interrupted. I can just see people's eyes glaze over rudely, as if they are not listening to me, and only trying to think about what they want to say next. I find it offensive because I always try to intently listen to someone when they are speaking to me. (an example of how obvious people's intentions are to me and how they act in public and how it is offensive to me)
When speaking or answering someone, I try to keep it short and sweet and polite. At work, it is a little different and I am able to have work-related conversations professionally. But as soon as the topic changes off work, I stop.
Some may say this is unnecessary and an extreme behavior modification. Some may say as a human, I have every right to speak my mind. However, doing this has actually made me less anxious. I'm not so worried anymore that I am annoying someone or talking too much or saying the wrong things. So I do the above acronym when answering someone speaking to me, but also use it if I cannot resist the urge to say something if not spoken to first. But shutting up and waiting until I've been spoken to has been a tremendous help. A doctor might say it is bad to do that, I'm sure, but it really has helped me. It gave me a newfound freedom, to be honest. The anxiety of screwing up a conversation or offending someone is gone, because I really can't when using this system. I honestly feel calmer and freer. I thought my problem with people not listening to me was the volume of my voice, because I know I can be quiet. So I paid attention to how quiet I was being, and I don't think that is it at all. I know people can hear me.
I'd like to know how people feel about the self-awareness/other people's self-awareness (or lack thereof) and how it affects them. This is one of my biggest issues. I cringe how people act, talk, etc., sometimes. And I hope my THINK acronym might help someone else here. Thanks!
Lionhearted
Well-known member
I recently registered here, as I found the topics for discussion, as well as the problems which the members are facing, to be somewhat similar to the ones which I've experienced/ are experiencing. And, interesting to discuss.
I really enjoy psychology and any sort of topics related to improving oneself, and well, a forum like this is a very nice place to look for those. I'm not exactly diagnosed with any disorders, but I think a lot of facts have been revealing themselves to me, as of late. And the depression gets eased as well, so why not join in here?
Anyway, I'd like to welcome the other users who are new here, and it would be a really nice feeling, to have a 'go-to-website' everyday, which is active as well. Well, I wouldn't usually say this is, if it was a real life conversation, but I think I really mean it here: Nice to meet you all!
I really enjoy psychology and any sort of topics related to improving oneself, and well, a forum like this is a very nice place to look for those. I'm not exactly diagnosed with any disorders, but I think a lot of facts have been revealing themselves to me, as of late. And the depression gets eased as well, so why not join in here?
Anyway, I'd like to welcome the other users who are new here, and it would be a really nice feeling, to have a 'go-to-website' everyday, which is active as well. Well, I wouldn't usually say this is, if it was a real life conversation, but I think I really mean it here: Nice to meet you all!
lilymartens
Well-known member
Hello, everyone!
I've been a member here for a long time, but haven't visited for quite some time.
This is why I feel the need to re-introduce myself.
When I first joined SPW, I was in my early 20s, depressed and lonely as hell.
I was constantly skipping my classes and exams in university, because I didn't want to deal with the anxiety it caused me.
I felt like a failure and wanted to just give up.
I don't know how I ended up finding this forum, but I am so glad I did.
I talked to lots of people with the same or similar problems.
Naturally, I was curious to see if anyone else from my country (Hungary) was on the forum.
So I did a search and even opened a thread for Hungarian people.
This is how I started to talk to someone with the username Anrox. He is no longer on the forum, but some may remember him.
We started talking on and off, then met IRL and ...
...
the first time was awkward to say the least. At one time he tried to hold my hand on the stairs, and I snatched it away and
shouted "No!". Although we have been talking for months at this point, it felt like too much.
We both love animals, so we went to the zoo and gradually I relaxed into spending time with him.
We talked on Skype after that, and met again, which was easier than the first time.
But still at this point I did not feel more than friendship, maybe I couldn't at the time. I had to many personal issues.
Eventually the messages began to dwindle and stopped. We went on with our lives.
...
One day more than 3 years ago something made me think about him, so I wrote an e-mail asking how he is, what he is up to.
We started messaging and one day he asked me if I wanted to come and visit him. OMG, in his home, in a totally foreign city.
And I said yes.
We agreed that I would spend a couple days around new years there. I slept in the guest room, but spent the days chatting and gaming in his room. I found his parents hilarious as well. We had lots of fun. And one evening we were watching a movie in his room, when he kissed me.
It was magical. This was the moment when I thought, I could fall in love.
And I did.
For a year we have been in a long distance (150 km ~100 miles) relationship, seeing each other every two weeks on the weekends maybe.
After that we decided it was time to do something, eventually we decided that I would move in with him at his parents house.
I started looking for a job in the area, and found my dream job (even if not my dream salary).
This was a little bit over 2 years ago. Now we are in the process of buying a house of our own.
We adopted a cat, then another, so the first one would not be lonely and could have a friend.
After then a third cat decided, he wanted to live with us.
So...after nearly a decade I can safely say, that thanks to this forum I found the love of my life.
Thank you SPW and all the members!
P.S.: Not everything is perfect of course. I still have not finished university fully. I have managed to finish all my courses,
but I still need to write my final thesis and pass my final exam. Wish me luck!
I've been a member here for a long time, but haven't visited for quite some time.
This is why I feel the need to re-introduce myself.
When I first joined SPW, I was in my early 20s, depressed and lonely as hell.
I was constantly skipping my classes and exams in university, because I didn't want to deal with the anxiety it caused me.
I felt like a failure and wanted to just give up.
I don't know how I ended up finding this forum, but I am so glad I did.
I talked to lots of people with the same or similar problems.
Naturally, I was curious to see if anyone else from my country (Hungary) was on the forum.
So I did a search and even opened a thread for Hungarian people.
This is how I started to talk to someone with the username Anrox. He is no longer on the forum, but some may remember him.
We started talking on and off, then met IRL and ...
...
the first time was awkward to say the least. At one time he tried to hold my hand on the stairs, and I snatched it away and
shouted "No!". Although we have been talking for months at this point, it felt like too much.
We both love animals, so we went to the zoo and gradually I relaxed into spending time with him.
We talked on Skype after that, and met again, which was easier than the first time.
But still at this point I did not feel more than friendship, maybe I couldn't at the time. I had to many personal issues.
Eventually the messages began to dwindle and stopped. We went on with our lives.
...
One day more than 3 years ago something made me think about him, so I wrote an e-mail asking how he is, what he is up to.
We started messaging and one day he asked me if I wanted to come and visit him. OMG, in his home, in a totally foreign city.
And I said yes.
We agreed that I would spend a couple days around new years there. I slept in the guest room, but spent the days chatting and gaming in his room. I found his parents hilarious as well. We had lots of fun. And one evening we were watching a movie in his room, when he kissed me.
It was magical. This was the moment when I thought, I could fall in love.
And I did.
For a year we have been in a long distance (150 km ~100 miles) relationship, seeing each other every two weeks on the weekends maybe.
After that we decided it was time to do something, eventually we decided that I would move in with him at his parents house.
I started looking for a job in the area, and found my dream job (even if not my dream salary).
This was a little bit over 2 years ago. Now we are in the process of buying a house of our own.
We adopted a cat, then another, so the first one would not be lonely and could have a friend.
After then a third cat decided, he wanted to live with us.
So...after nearly a decade I can safely say, that thanks to this forum I found the love of my life.
Thank you SPW and all the members!
P.S.: Not everything is perfect of course. I still have not finished university fully. I have managed to finish all my courses,
but I still need to write my final thesis and pass my final exam. Wish me luck!
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Welcome back, I'm glad you found so much happiness.
I've also met internet friends IRL, with mixed results. It's nice to hear someone with social phobia actually took that terrifying chance and was able to make it work.
I wish you luck with your plans, but I doubt you'll need any. Bury that exam and notch another victory, LM.
PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
So happy for you Your story reminds me of that sliding doors moment.. something small that happens in your daily life can have the largest life long impact.
And in your case a very positive one!
Your story reminds me of that sliding doors moment.. something small that happens in your daily life can have the largest life long impact.And in your case a very positive one!