parties are like my biggest fears aswell as socal gatherings, and so i will be able to get to the party but for the last two others i went to i did shit all, couldn't talk to anyone anxiety kicked in overtime and just left.
this timei dont wanna let this happen, i'm gona look decent enough but i dono how to get into the party mood when everyone is around. i was planning on alcohol but i'm gaining resistance to it.
For many social phobes, just leaving the house or trying to talk to a stranger can be extremely difficult. And parties... I don't think I can think of anything more intimidating than a party! Now, I know these fears are largely irrational, but that doesn't make it any easier.
That's great that you are determined to go to this party. Honestly though I wouldn't worry too much about getting into the party mood. If you do, that's great! But do you really want that to be your base goal? Is any other result deemed a failure? That would be overly harsh. Set a
reasonable goal. Maybe your goal is to stay at the party for a set period of time. Maybe it is to talk to 4 people. Maybe it's to control your anxiety better than last time through relaxation techniques.
I would recommend avoiding alcohol. It
does lower your inhibitions but it doesn't help you learn how to deal with your anxiety, and it doesn't build your resistence to negative feelings in these situations in the long run.
There's no reason for you to change yourself in any way at all, just try to be yourself. Think of it this way; the girl you used to know invited you to her party because she likes you and enjoys your company! She wouldn't have invited you otherwise, so just be yourself. Easier said than done for a social phobe though, I know.
I think toothpastekisses is well-intentioned, but I have to disagree on the specifics. If we are not happy with ourselves, shouldn't we try to change? Some people believe that identity is a fundamental quality. It is something we are born with and we cannot change it. The best we can do is accept it. I believe that identity is constructed, and that we are whoever we choose to be. For most people this means being what they've been before. Nothing's easier than sticking to what you know.
So while the oft-used phrase "just be yourself" is a bit misguiding, it is rooted in truth. You shouldn't conform to others' expectations. You shouldn't act like something you don't believe in. I think a more useful phrase is "be true to yourself, whatever you choose to be."
I guess there are a few ways of dealing with this issue. My opinion is that you should go to the party, by the way. I reckon the best thing you can do is thumb your nose at the social anxiety: either go and deliberately not talk to anybody, just enjoy the drink, hearing other people chat and the music. If someone comes up to you to speak then fair enough, talk to them, but if you just want to hear some music then why not make that your primary aim?
Otherwise, feel the fear and do it anyway: go and talk to someone even though you feel nervous. Not an easy thing to do, but you might find that it's easier than you think.
Or, you could look for a subgroup that forms, and filter into it so that you're part of the circle. Other people'll talk and at least one person will always have something to say. Then, if someone occurs to you, say it. But if not, the others will be your cover.
I agree with Satine. If you feel like talking to people, cool! If not, no big deal, and you can still congratulate yourself for facing your fears. Seriously, set your expectations ridiculously low
. You can always do more, and you won't set yourself up for failure. If you want to eventually be comfortable at and even enjoy parties, you're going to have to expose yourself to quite a few first! Others have been exposed to tons of parties and don't have to deal with social anxiety. Treat your situation like a game, an adventure, and a learning experience. Accept that you won't be comfortable at first, but know that you are choosing the path that takes courage, and your efforts will be rewarded. Good luck!
