A 41 year old lost person

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davzplace41

New member
For years I have felt like I am an alien or out of place. I have been married now for almost 19 years and have 2 beautiful daughters. My wife that has seen all of my dark sides, and my "peaks and valleys" of my depression. There are times when I just feel like I don't exist, or at the least not of this time period. I feel like I am a "window shopper" in my own life. I can look through the window and see everything, but I am not allowed to touch or feel any of it. I haven't been able to work full-time for years now, and it frustrates myself and my wife. I feel like I can't provide for my family like a man can and should. I carry on like I am dealing with it with a smile on the outside. But on the inside I am needing help desperately, and some answers as well.
I was diagnosed in 2004 with Major depression w/anxiety, fear of abandonment issues. There are different terminologies for these on the psychological report that I don't have in front of me. I have tried different meds and talk therapy, but they simply don't work for me. Either the medication side effects are to strong or the therapists get a better job some where else. It is a frustration that I am sure many people experience. I would welcome anyone with advice or insight to share with me.
 
JamesSmith

JamesSmith

Well-known member
davzplace41 said:
For years I have felt like I am an alien or out of place. I have been married now for almost 19 years and have 2 beautiful daughters. My wife that has seen all of my dark sides, and my "peaks and valleys" of my depression. There are times when I just feel like I don't exist, or at the least not of this time period. I feel like I am a "window shopper" in my own life. I can look through the window and see everything, but I am not allowed to touch or feel any of it. I haven't been able to work full-time for years now, and it frustrates myself and my wife. I feel like I can't provide for my family like a man can and should. I carry on like I am dealing with it with a smile on the outside. But on the inside I am needing help desperately, and some answers as well.
I was diagnosed in 2004 with Major depression w/anxiety, fear of abandonment issues. There are different terminologies for these on the psychological report that I don't have in front of me. I have tried different meds and talk therapy, but they simply don't work for me. Either the medication side effects are to strong or the therapists get a better job some where else. It is a frustration that I am sure many people experience. I would welcome anyone with advice or insight to share with me.
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The feeling that you have of not existing, that comes from lack of connection with others. You may be connecting with your family, but I would imagine you've struggled throughout life with connecting with the world. This can leave someone feeling incomplete and lost like you are feeling. I have this same feeling from time to time because I've had a long history, probably a worse history of not connecting with others. As humans, we are designed to connect with others to feel like a part of society, hence when you fail at this connection you are left feeling like you aren't part of society, maybe even like an alien.

What can you do about it: From experience, exercise is better than meds for anxiety and depression. The best type of exercise is jogging, because it's a big body workout. I would imagine swimming would be good too, although i don't swim, just a hunch.

It sounds like you haven't found your passion. I haven't either. Maybe if you find a job that you love you'd feel better about your life and wouldn't mind working full-time so much?
 
DespairSoul

DespairSoul

Well-known member
Hello,

Welcome here. Well, u are very brave if u are married and have two daughters.
This is big "success" even if u say u can't work now on full-time!
Maybe you don't find right proper help? It's seems u was trying a lot but maybe
u wasn't lucky on good therapists too?
 
Hastings & Main

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
davzplace41 said:
There are times when I just feel like I don't exist, or at the least not of this time period. I feel like I am a "window shopper" in my own life. I can look through the window and see everything, but I am not allowed to touch or feel any of it.
Click to expand...

Hi, welcome!

Same age here, and exactly as above. Like a glass shield wherever I go, walking around in a box made of one-way mirror, like a movie camera that sees and records but is still an inanimate object...
I think the secret to eventually getting a connection to others is to start counting the similarities with one another instead of relying on the differences (and the fears that accompany them) to keep us apart.
 
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bigcat1967

Well-known member
I am two years older than you. I have social anxiety but I do work. I do take Klonopin - but the withdrawal symptoms have been kicking my butt.

However, I do self-hypnosis...and it does work. Suggestion here - maybe you can try self-hypnosis and visualize yourself having a positive life.

Good luck to you and I do know what you are going through. You are not alone. :)
 
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