The battle will never be done. Just left my job for multiple reasons, one being paid £5 and hour and second being ignored by all staff after losing my temper after being assaulted by another member of staff, since losing temper and shouting at the boss, i either get completely ignored by staff or pity looks because they know i have depression. So tonight im outta there. I have no friends, no partner (im gay so its practically impossible to find a faithfull one) live basically with my mother who is only person in my life. Terrified of whats gonna happen when she goes as i will be utterly alone. Lifes a mess. I thought the bullied kid at school was supposed to triumph in later life? Only in the movies eh.
31 and still the same as i was 15
- Thread starter Mazo0483
- Start date
What all have you tried to work on the social anxiety?
Iv tried most methods to stop the social anxiety, been through all psychologists and behavioural spe******ts when i was younger, even hypnotherapy. And a good few antidepressants. Made another appointment with doc for tuesday to maybe try a stronger dose. Terrified of tryin for a new job as that is when all my fears build up. But gonna needa bite the bullet because cant be walked over like i have been. Have no one to talk to about any of this either. Its hard to focus on positives lately
Brain doctors have never been of any help to me, either. And drugs only ever made me feel worse. Some good stuff on depression in this thread:
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/are-antidepressants-the-answer-58421/
The anxiety issues are more complex, and a tougher nut to crack I think. A lot of people here have said CBT works. I've made progress against the anxiety using my own methods--mostly involving a lot of painful efforts that end in dismal failure, with progress being very slow and, still far from complete.
http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/are-antidepressants-the-answer-58421/
The anxiety issues are more complex, and a tougher nut to crack I think. A lot of people here have said CBT works. I've made progress against the anxiety using my own methods--mostly involving a lot of painful efforts that end in dismal failure, with progress being very slow and, still far from complete.
MikeyC
Well-known member
I'm not sure about wages in Scotland, but this sounds like a total rip. Is this underpaid wages in Scotland? I can see why you finally had enough.
Can you talk to your mother about these issues? Maybe it'll be good for the two of you to work together to tackle these problems you have. Keeping it all bottled inside is not healthy - but, then again, losing your temper at work is also unhealthy, but it shows a desire to let it out, and a desperation that you need help. Use your social circle, even if it's only your mother at this stage, and hopefully things will get better.
Good luck!
Earthcircle
Well-known member
I'm 49, gay, and have no idea how to form a relationship. I'm living in an area known for crime, so cruising -- or whatever the hell one does to find a date -- seems stupidly dangerous anyway. I recently left my mother for the sake of advancing my career. With no one to take care of her, she had no choice but to move into a rest home. I hate myself for that. Oh, and by the way, I have no friends.
Earthcircle
Well-known member
I've been reading a book on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) which actually seems like it might be promising. But I still felt anxiety last night and resorted to Ambien, so maybe ACT is not a total success. But I haven't completely engaged in it yet either.
By the way, I'm so socially inept, I don't even know for sure what people do on Friday nights. Gays are expected to be street wise, sort of like prostitutes. Well, I'm not. lol
MikeyC
Well-known member
My psychologist is getting me to do this. It's certainly not easy and I haven't mastered it yet myself, but I understand its benefits.
skins
1
hmm would love to know how you get on with trying this therapy...keep us informed eh.
Earthcircle
Well-known member
The book I'm reading is supposed to be sufficient on its own, but I've only read a fraction of it yet. The title: The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook.
MikeyC
Well-known member
I'll tell you what I know about it. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is more about accepting that negative thoughts are there, and trying to thank yourself for them, yet still keeping true to what's important to you.
For example, I may have accidentally made a fool of myself at the shops (dropping money, tripping over, etc.), and I may think about that all day at random times. Instead of beating myself up about it, thinking how stupid I am or how everyone must hate me for it, I will thank myself for those thoughts - even saying "thank you for that" out loud if necessary - but then think about what's important to me in the long run (drumming, health, etc.) and try to eliminate or control my thoughts that way.
I may not have explained it properly, and it sounds frivolous, but it has actually worked for me in the past. Of course, it's not a rapid fix. I have had times where I get too carried away with my thoughts and can't stop them, and I'm sure anyone who's attempted Acceptance and Commitment Therapy will tell you the same thing. It takes time and patience with yourself to make it better. I am starting to get better at it now.
Still more things to work on, and negative thoughts are still prevalent with me, however I can tell it's not as bad now.
well people on friday nights either go out to bars or out to eat, then back to someones home to just relax or have a few drinks, socialize..they might go to the theater or a ball game, nothing much really..thats what people do and my problem is, ive never really got much enjoyment out of those things so..
Earthcircle
Well-known member
This may sound weird, but what you just wrote actually surprised me. Are you sure this is what they do? I guess you're right. I mean, it's similar to what one sees in movies. Frankly, I'm a little jealous. I wish I could do that. Actually, I would get great enjoyment from those things. I know, because on the few occasions when I have done those things, I've been enormously happy. Those are "red letter days" for me.
I spend most of my time alone, not only because I am afraid of offending people which I seem to have a great knack for, but also because I am just used to being alone. Always alone as a child, always alone as a teen, always alone at 49 as I am now. I'm not entirely sure how to be social. I was hoping I could learn how to be social in therapy, but learned nothing. Really confused about how life works, and stunned that I still haven't figured out anything yet.
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Sea Bass
Well-known member
I'm sorry for your pain Mazo0483. I can somewhat relate to what you are going through. I have very few people available for support (my parents). I am thankful to have one more person for support than the amount of people you have for support (just one - your mother). I am only 23 so I can't imagine how hard it must be to be your age and stuck in a rut such you.
I too am haunted by my past. I thought that I would eventually grow out of the shyness and anxiety I had as a teenager, but I am now almost 24 years old and to me it seems to have gotten worse over the years. I am scared to look at people in the face sometimes (especially if it's an attractive woman) and I am also fearful of driving around in the city because I get lost easily (I seldom leave the house alone when I'm using the car because of this).
To make matters worse, it seems like life gets more complicated as you get older so anxiety only compounds the problems you have as you age. For example, getting a job is not such a serious issue when you are young, but as you get older, getting a job becomes more important and this just happens to be one of many problems you have as you age so getting anxiety ontop of this makes things worse. I am just now starting to feel the effects that comes with age as far as life goes and am stressing out because of it. I wish things were simpler like when I was younger so that my anxiety would be easier to manage and possibly be gotten rid of.
I too am haunted by my past. I thought that I would eventually grow out of the shyness and anxiety I had as a teenager, but I am now almost 24 years old and to me it seems to have gotten worse over the years. I am scared to look at people in the face sometimes (especially if it's an attractive woman) and I am also fearful of driving around in the city because I get lost easily (I seldom leave the house alone when I'm using the car because of this).
To make matters worse, it seems like life gets more complicated as you get older so anxiety only compounds the problems you have as you age. For example, getting a job is not such a serious issue when you are young, but as you get older, getting a job becomes more important and this just happens to be one of many problems you have as you age so getting anxiety ontop of this makes things worse. I am just now starting to feel the effects that comes with age as far as life goes and am stressing out because of it. I wish things were simpler like when I was younger so that my anxiety would be easier to manage and possibly be gotten rid of.
MoonBoom
Well-known member
I'm 33, still end up back at home taking care of my mom as well. I've seen no end to the vicious cycle of trying, only to end back at square one and worse. I've been an alcoholic agoraphobe since 2010. No clue how to get out of it. I too thought the same though as a kid, "man I can't wait to grow up, adults are mature, they wouldn't harass me like this." Not quite. And of course my mother never understood there's a problem, she may laugh at a joke about "40 still living at home in a basement" but she doesn't see anything wrong, and actually calls ME selfish for my inability to speak with people, get out, or have any clue what I'm doing anymore. But anyway, more power to ya.
well in my experience, going to bars and social gatherings isnt all its cracked up to be..in my case, i find if i stay isolated for too long i start to feel like im 'missing out' on social experiences so then i throw myself out with friends but its soon i realize why i dont go out and socialize more as i simply do not enjoy it as much as normal people seem to..anxiety aside, even with people im comfortable with, there is just something missing that i dont seem to have..
you will definitely need social skills if you want to make friends in the first place..as ive said may times before, if you are past age of 30, it gets extremely difficult just to make new friends, much less keep them..i wouldnt even know where to recommend you go to meet them in your case..maybe try some local social anxiety support groups?
you will never grow out of avoidance, im not sure about shyness, they are 2 different things but usually mirror each other..avoidance pd grows stronger with age, becomes hardened like concrete, im in my 30s and im more avoidant than i have ever been..its like i cant be bothered with social interactions anymore unless they serve a strong purpose..
you are still early 20s so i strongly recommend finding a therapist asap and start working with him/her..maybe find some different medications, do everything you can do to try to help your self while you still have your youth because it gets tremendously difficult the older you get..
Gosh, I ll love that. I am in my 20s, I haven't yet been to a concert my whole life, and clubbing only once. I used to love window shopping, but really, I find its pointless doing that alone now. What I do mostly for enjoyment now is lots and lots of tv, watch movies online occasionally, and reading celebrity gossip. Not much fun, not much of a life.