shyness as a child affects the rest of your life

rainstreet

rainstreet

Well-known member
During the first 20 years or so of my life, I was extremely shy. I am beginning to realize just how much this affected my emotional and mental development into young adulthood and beyond. :eek:Because of my fear, I had few friends. The ones I did have were also "misfits", which is how it usually works. I refrained from involvement with peers in activities at school, church, etc... I didn't learn how to relate with others in "normal" ways. As a teenager, my limited attempts at changing this were generally disastrous. I begin to develop distinct feelings that I was very different from other kids. I learned to dread the humiliation that accompanied most attempts at social involvement. I gradually closed into myself, finding creative ways to cope with the loneliness.
 
I_jailed_me

I_jailed_me

Well-known member
Well it has nothing to do with childhood as a kid i was extremely talkative. I got SA only after i was 20 or 21...now i am 29 and trapped in my head obsessing on how stop the humiliation. Its become a viscous cycle.
 
lyricalliaisons

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
Definitely being shy as a kid can worsen as a person gets older, but with a lot of people, it lessens. A lot of people who were once shy as kids are now very talkative & outgoing. Everyone is different.
 
apollo

apollo

Well-known member
I was very shy growing up as well. I admit I got better at interacting socially. But I had so many bad experiences and these very experiences affect me in a profound way. I naturally avoid social gatherings and this has become very detrimental to my development. These negative feelings prop in specific situations and I get really anxious. Like you, I wish I could just let go of the past and these negative anchors.
 
Flowers-Of-Bloom

Flowers-Of-Bloom

Well-known member
Childhood is extremely important to the rest of your life. It's the foundation of who we are. So yes, the OP is right. If as children, we are behind in learning key social skills, then we will most likely struggle with it in the future as teenagers and adults. Some children who are shy at first will learn these key social skills due to experience/parenting and enviroment, but others might not. My psychologist told me this.
 
rainstreet

rainstreet

Well-known member
i didn't mean to imply that all adults with SA were shy as children. in your case it obviously wasn't true, I jailed me.
 
Last edited:
rainstreet

rainstreet

Well-known member
I didn't have a positive family experience to "restructure" my personality defects. In discussions with my parents later, I found that they weren't aware of the extent of my difficulties growing up. Being shy is only a symptom of deeper fears. I think it's these fears that have really affected me over the years. naturally, I found ways to mask the "feelings", whatever they were. It was inevitable if I was to live among other people. I think that the fear never really leaves though, it changes form. Anger is one of the other forms I have used to deal with my fears. One of the advantages of this emotion is that I can feel empowered. I'm not sure if I have SA. Adult ADD, depression, possibly bipolar are the diagnosis.
 
rainstreet

rainstreet

Well-known member
As a child, I escaped into daydreams. My 4th grade teacher tried to "cure" me by walking up behind me and thumping me on the head.
 
dooby-duck

dooby-duck

Well-known member
I was quite shy as a child but slowly went beyond shy at about 16. That is when the anxiety started creeping in and the avoidance.
 
rainstreet

rainstreet

Well-known member
Hoth said:
I was virtually mute all the way through school, and I do feel like put me way behind in so many social things. I'm learning things now that I should've learned decades ago. Makes it difficult to interact with people my age who have so much more experience.
Click to expand...
i could do without a lot of my experiences. seems like most of ones I remember are unpleasant.
 
P

phobiadictates

Well-known member
as a child i was doing well. but the need of solitude increased day by day.Its due to i can say that i was a total shy at ages of 14-15 , now i am 23 and i am inured to loneliness
 
rainstreet

rainstreet

Well-known member
My childhood is recalled as moments of torment from peers, interspersed with solitary loneliness. children en mass can be ruthlessly cruel. particularly if the object of their ridicule appears defenseless. being very shy, i fit this role perfectly. when i began wearing glasses at age 9, the teasing increased substantially. there were one or two instigators whom the other kids were quick to follow. when i look back on some of these instances, its as if they occurred only yesterday. at times i've reenacted a scenario in which i responded with violent aggression instead of non-response, which was reality.
 
dooby-duck

dooby-duck

Well-known member
rainstreet said:
you went beyond shy? does that mean you completely avoided others?
Click to expand...

I was all right up until about that age. I had friends and would go out and do things. From about 16 I gradually started to do less. I became anxious in situations where I had little control over what was happening or if there were lots of people around. I went to university and had a few friends there and even went out a few times, but in classes I was anxious all the time, I could never be comfortable there. Towards the end of uni it was hard for me to go and walk around the town and I would avoid doing tasks which meant I had to approach lecturers and other staff.

When I left uni I went to work with my Dad. I doub't I could work anywhere else to be honest. I can control a lot of situations and make them as easy as possible. But I gradually stopped going anywhere else. I lost contact with friends, and found things like shopping very difficult. I used to find going to suppliers very difficult but have started to improve.

So I do avoid people. It's a bad habit to get out of.
 
Z

Zav

Well-known member
My childhood definitely shaped my shyness. When I was 7 or 8 years old, we moved out to the countryside, and I rarely was able to leave the house, aside from school. So needless to say, my social life was pretty limited until I was 16 and started driving, and when that happened, I realized just how hard it was for me to be around people and adapt to that.
 
rainstreet

rainstreet

Well-known member
it seems like ages 14 to 16 is kind of an age of reckoning. I can remember feeling like a time bomb at that age. I had puberty going on. The thought of talking to girls terrified me but I desperately wanted to. I finally got up the nerve to call a girl and the conversation lasted all of about 15 seconds. Then I was too embarrassed to talk to her for weeks afterward.
 
recluse

recluse

Well-known member
I was very shy...A virtual mute throughout my school years. I was ridiculed for being so quiet and shy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top