I'm so sorry to hear that (read your thread). Well, at least you still have internet available which in turn allows you to get some frustrations out on here. For me it's one of the few things holding me afloat. I have a feeling you'll pull through with whatever you need to sort. You seem like a fighter. I'm in a similar situation (end of my rope), and am anticipating medication as a temporary fix until therapy gets going. Feeling a bit better though, like things are more achievable. Low self esteem providing resilience? I wish it had worked out that way for me. haha *gives you a free hug*