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Old 08-10-2017
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Does anyone else experience this? I met with people from a similar forum to this and after having a lovely day out none bothered to keep in contact with one another. Instead they go back to the forum to moan about their lives again. Why are most people so two-faced and selfish.
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Old 08-10-2017
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Originally Posted by ontario_girl View Post
Does anyone else experience this? I met with people from a similar forum to this and after having a lovely day out none bothered to keep in contact with one another.
Are the people on the forum publically admitting they're not contacting others anymore or does their posting new messages on the forum make you automatically assume that they aren't contacting others they've gone out with anymore? Sorry, I'm confused...unless you're referring to only people you have gone out with that don't want to keep contacting you.

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Why are most people so two-faced and selfish.
I agree it's disgusting, but it's the plague of our species. Anyone that says they aren't selfish is not in the right environment. We all have our own personal temptations that when under the right circumstances we turn selfish/self centered.
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Old 08-11-2017
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I agree it's disgusting, but it's the plague of our species. Anyone that says they aren't selfish is not in the right environment. We all have our own personal temptations that when under the right circumstances we turn selfish/self centered.
Are you sure? I was under the impression that social dynamics usually tends to work out as a level playing-ground.

Folks say what they mean, and mean what they say. It's often that simple.

No such thing as social "leagues" or divisions.

The cynical outlook does not often show up in the actual reality. And so on.
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Old 08-11-2017
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Originally Posted by ontario_girl View Post
Does anyone else experience this? I met with people from a similar forum to this and after having a lovely day out none bothered to keep in contact with one another. Instead they go back to the forum to moan about their lives again. Why are most people so two-faced and selfish.
If it's a forum like this, it may not be a lack of opportunity that makes them lonely, but rather they find going out with people to be stressful and anxiety-filled. I know it is a catch-22 I've ran into in the past: I feel lonely sitting alone at my house, but then when I am out with people I feel so nervous and uncomfortable that I just wanted to leave and be alone in my house again. I'm not saying that is a good excuse to sit at home and feeling bad for oneself, but I can understand where they may be coming from.
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Originally Posted by Bronson99 View Post
Are you sure? I was under the impression that social dynamics usually tends to work out as a level playing-ground.

Folks say what they mean, and mean what they say. It's often that simple.

No such thing as social "leagues" or divisions.

The cynical outlook does not often show up in the actual reality. And so on.
Chances are I may have overgeneralized with my last statement.
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Old 08-13-2017
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Maybe they just didn't click with each other. Simply being around people isn't enough to cure loneliness. If they're not the right people, maybe it's not worth hanging out again.

Or maybe it is just too uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing to go out again. Maybe it's too stressful to just pick up the phone and make plans.

I bet there are a lot of possible reasons for not keeping in contact. I get lonely too but I can't just snap my fingers and have friends to hang out with. I don't just want someone to fill the space and pass the time with. It has to be worth spending time with them.
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Old 08-16-2017
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In reply to your concern about selfishness or lack of effort, I can answer from a personal angle: unfortunately I have gotten comfortable being alone from spending so much time alone. I wouldn't be surprised if that plays some part in the issue you're experiencing.

But I wouldn't be judging of them either. It may seem selfish, but anyone who isn't wanting to push themselves to build friendships is hurting themself more than anyone else. I know that from experience.
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Old 08-24-2017
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All I've found is that people are hypocrites, even those with SA. Once they materialise a partner they will drop you in a flash.
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Old 08-25-2017
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I think this could be one of those situations where those people's self-esteem is so low that they've convinced themselves that meeting new people will result in more heartbreak and rejection. They've become cynical and are probably afraid of meeting new people, and so they 'prefer' staying in that supposed safe zone where although you're sad and lonely, you could be even sadder and more alone and you're not willing to take that risk.

Maybe your best course of action would be to calmly tell them that you know what it's like to feel lonely and rejected, but you feel that if two people who feel that way try to become friends through that common thread, it could be beneficial for both parties.

If they keep pushing you away, tell them 'well, I tried, and there's not much else I can do but I hope you feel better', and try someone else who's more open.
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Old 10-08-2017
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exactly. People say they are lonely, but never accept my friend request. But it does happen to me too. When i feel depressed and lonely, I am not at all in the mood to go out or socialize.. kind of make it worse
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Old 10-09-2017
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Wow.Strong words like selfish being thrown around but I understand your frustration since I have been to frustration ville many times.Feels like I live there at times.As you know anxious people often find it hard to socialize and commit to friendships escpically new ones.Patterns of vwhaviour even damaging ones are hard to change.Such as being a lone too much.Better the devil you know.Dont take it personally and try to remember the good day out you had.Maybe even try again with new people or some of the same ones
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Old 10-11-2017
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Being social when you havent for some time can be a huge step. There can be so many boundaries preventing us from actually pursuing friendships further. I think alot of it comes down to the reasons for why we havent been social in the first place and I know for myself I was desperately ashamed of who I was and didnt want to be seen- and most people have some kind of self negative that keeps them from so******ing. Those things I feel are the real problem rather than the social stuff and need to be worked out first before being social really because then, there is no real energy to spend on others. Having said that, I think alot of people who have social phobia have at some point in their lives experienced people that jump on them and become ultra needy and take alot because we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed with obligations and not wanting to hurt others feelings. So if we can, I think we just return to our safety net where we can hopefully work on ourselves to be able to confront these things oneday.
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Old 10-11-2017
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I went to two meetings yesterday, and people reacted to me, and it has been a set back for my health, which had been improving.
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Old 10-11-2017
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What meetings are you referring to? And what do you mean by people reacting to you?
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Old 10-17-2017
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All I've found is that people are hypocrites, even those with SA. Once they materialise a partner they will drop you in a flash.
You'd probably do the same.
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Old 10-18-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ontario_girl View Post
All I've found is that people are hypocrites, even those with SA. Once they materialise a partner they will drop you in a flash.
I think that depends on the person's situation in life. When I got into my first serious relationship, I pretty much ignored my best friends. It was only after getting out of that relationship that I noticed how wrong that was and I made an effort to make it up to them, and to not allow future relationships to do the same thing.

But it's true, it really sucks when someone does that, or when someone only talks to you when they're feeling down and don't really say much to you when they're feeling better.
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