Online Dating???

Obstacle 1

Obstacle 1

Well-known member
I am a guy, and I approve of online dating. I have dated 2 girls in the past 6 months where I have never done it before. It makes it a little easier, you know through their interests if they are interested in similar things and that they are looking for someone too, that is half the battle if you aren't good at meeting people. I dont think my profile was amazing at all, I had to initiate the contact though.. The second one required me to send two messages after her initial response to get talking. It wasn't easy to start with and it never gets "easy", writing that first message is the hardest part and just accepting that they may not respond.
 
GoBlue72

GoBlue72

Well-known member
megalon said:
If not for online dating, I never would've been on the two dates that I've been on in my life. That was over a year ago and I haven't had so much as a single visitor to my profile in months now. I still waste time checking it every day though.
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Megalon, you've had twice as much success as me with online dating. And the one I had was so long ago I can't remember how many years it's been. I've been reading up on the online dating stuff, and understand it definitely helps to make changes/additions to your profile often. I'm pretty sure on most sites that will put it in the "new additions" category and bring it up from the bottom of the "pile". I think they each have a system to come up with who shows up when you search. I know on some sites I haven't changed mine in years, and have had the same experience you did. Also, I'm reading that you usually want to actually talk to the person relatively quickly after making contact. This is usually the point I've gotten to when everything dies out for me.
 
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Patrick26

Well-known member
So i went back to PoF (plenty of fish) and gonna give it a second try. My first try once i posted my picture i was depressed for a whole week and could not look at anyone because i kept thinking everyone was pointing and laughing at me for putting my picture up. If i have it happen again i'll probably give up online dating for good. I'm already starting to feel just a tad bit depressed and i just uploaded my picture like 10 mins ago. It's funny because i'm at 3 other dating sites and i don't feel this way, i feel normal. It's just PoF that's making me feel this way.
 
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NoModernRomance

Active member
I'm too down on myself to bother. Even when girls hit on me in real life I just push them away (not physically.. ::p: ).

I believe in the saying that you have to love yourself before you can love others. And I don't.
 
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Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
tigerlilja said:
I guess I'll update on this...it was very, very terrifying but I made an online profile on Okcupid around three weeks ago with the "looking for" set to "friends" only. It was mostly an experimental thing. Uploading my pictures was by far the scariest part... and I barely filled out my profile, just what I was doing in school and a couple of my favorite hobbies because I was afraid that anything I wrote on my profile would make me sound stupid (the lack of a lot of information in my profile also resulted in several "why so mysterious?" messages). I answered around 1200 of the match questions because I was curious to see what their match algorithm would tell me my "type" was, and some guys in my area with around an 80% match have contacted me and we've carried through a couple of conversations. However I have such a hard time relating to them, I feel like it's my fault because my interests are so narrow.

However, a couple weeks ago before finals week this guy from California (while I live across the United States, in Maine) contacted me out of the blue. His match percentage was 99% with me and I found out that he was studying electrical engineering and while I'm mechanical engineering, and at first before finals we didn't talk much because of that but since the last couple days we've been firing each other these extremely long 5,000 character messages back and forth about everything and anything. It's crazy how much we have in common, he even sent me his facebook profile and part of it was public, but I haven't added him yet (I hate my facebook profile, I've had it for two years, disabled it for 6 months due to anxiety until around a week ago and it just seems so empty)...I could see that we like the EXACT same bands, the same scientists and authors, the same pages, the same comedians, the same shows, we're both left-leaning atheists and have a similar family background. I'm also physically attracted to him, his profile says he's part asian and I find him adorable. :p I really think I found my male equivalent, and it sucks that he lives so far away and even if one of us traveled to meet the other, my SA would be my downfall...thinking about all of it just makes me so depressed.
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You don't know that your SA would be your downfall. You two seem to have so much in common that you might find that your SA just evaporates when you meet, as you seem so well matched. You'd be amazed at how far just being comfortable with someone can go to almost making you forget you even have SA. You don't have to rush anything anyway. If you don't feel ready to meet yet, then just keep communicating online. Keeping the communication going and getting to know one another better at a pace you're both comfortable with is the key thing.
 
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Beatrice

Guest
Rembrandt Broam said:
You don't know that your SA would be your downfall. You two seem to have so much in common that you might find that your SA just evaporates when you meet, as you seem so well matched. You'd be amazed at how far just being comfortable with someone can go to almost making you forget you even have SA. You don't have to rush anything anyway. If you don't feel ready to meet yet, then just keep communicating online. Keeping the communication going and getting to know one another better at a pace you're both comfortable with is the key thing.
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I second this. It's so exciting that you found someone like that - don't give it up! I mean, of course there's never any guarantee that it will work out, but if you don't try you won't ever know. It made me smile just reading it, I don't think you should give up on it so quickly :)
 
Kiwong

Kiwong

Well-known member
Good luck Tigerlilja, I hope it works out positively for you.

I just noticed on the Fitness Singles site that interest in dating decreases almost exponentially after about age 45. This means I am getting into the extremely old category, even though inside I don't really feel like I am getting close to the big 50. I guess the well preserved for someone my age comments will become more prevalant.
 
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nicole1

Well-known member
tigerlilja said:
I guess I'll update on this...it was very, very terrifying but I made an online profile on Okcupid around three weeks ago with the "looking for" set to "friends" only. It was mostly an experimental thing. Uploading my pictures was by far the scariest part... and I barely filled out my profile, just what I was doing in school and a couple of my favorite hobbies because I was afraid that anything I wrote on my profile would make me sound stupid (the lack of a lot of information in my profile also resulted in several "why so mysterious?" messages). I answered around 1200 of the match questions because I was curious to see what their match algorithm would tell me my "type" was, and some guys in my area with around an 80% match have contacted me and we've carried through a couple of conversations. However I have such a hard time relating to them, I feel like it's my fault because my interests are so narrow.

However, a couple weeks ago before finals week this guy from California (while I live across the United States, in Maine) contacted me out of the blue. His match percentage was 99% with me and I found out that he was studying electrical engineering and while I'm mechanical engineering, and at first before finals we didn't talk much because of that but since the last couple days we've been firing each other these extremely long 5,000 character messages back and forth about everything and anything. It's crazy how much we have in common, he even sent me his facebook profile and part of it was public, but I haven't added him yet (I hate my facebook profile, I've had it for two years, disabled it for 6 months due to anxiety until around a week ago and it just seems so empty)...I could see that we like the EXACT same bands, the same scientists and authors, the same pages, the same comedians, the same shows, we're both left-leaning atheists and have a similar family background. I'm also physically attracted to him, his profile says he's part asian and I find him adorable. :p I really think I found my male equivalent, and it sucks that he lives so far away and even if one of us traveled to meet the other, my SA would be my downfall...thinking about all of it just makes me so depressed.
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I think you should go for it. You have a chance. Long distance relationships sometimes work and in the meantime, you'll have some where to travel in your spare time. It doesn't have to be so serious just yet, but at least talk with the guy. Open up about your SA. See where it goes.
 
iamthenra

iamthenra

Well-known member
I've tried most of them for well over a decade. Some sites work better than others. The sites that allow you the freedom to choose who you flirt with don't work so well. The ladies get hit on constantly, as a result they have no idea who to select that might be someone who will treat them right. It's discouraging for both genders. For myself, my own experience has not been good. I have sent out messages, just saying "Hi", and most often I get no response, or a simple: "No thanks". I had the most success on eHarmony. I have quit trying several years ago... After been defeated so many times for over 15 years of trying, I am convinced that there isn't anyone out there for me. Good luck to those of you who still have hope.
 
Poo_Guru

Poo_Guru

New member
I met my current bf online and we've been together for a year now, it was pretty much the best thing I've ever done.
 
nikkixo

nikkixo

Well-known member
i had a really bad experience with it. everyone i met was really crazy and clingy. either that or their profile was total bs and full of lies or looking for a booty call. but it might work for you, i would just be careful.
 
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