Online Dating???

[Pookah]

I can definitely see your point about the lack of "reality" that the internet can create. I've seen internet exchanges where it's clear that both parties have forgotten that there's a real person sitting behind the opposing keyboard. I also think that people are sometimes slightly exaggerated versions of themselves online.

I think internet dating can work if you treat it exactly the way you describe and find common interests. I've never used an online dating site so I can't say what they are like, but I figured that was actually how they worked. People being matched up based on their interests, and using that as a starting point to get to know each other better. Perhaps I have that wrong though, and it's all just cybersex and stuff.

I think the "dating site" aspect of it creates an expectation and also attracts creepers. Say you go to a meetup via meetup.com for philosophy or something then you don't have the same expectation and I think that allows people to connect without pressure.

 

[Beatrice]

I think the "dating site" aspect of it creates an expectation and also attracts creepers. Say you go to a meetup via meetup.com for philosophy or something then you don't have the same expectation and I think that allows people to connect without pressure.

Exactly! I think you are right on about all this, Pookah.

 

[Pookah]

Exactly! I think you are right on about all this, Pookah.

Not that I am an expert as I am perpetually single. lol

I just have had some experience and there are some real jerks with online dating but some really nice people when you just try to make friends.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I think the "dating site" aspect of it creates an expectation and also attracts creepers.

Oh I'm certain it does, but the expectation would be on both sides. I mean, you're only going to sign up to a dating site if you want a date, but the matching can still come from shared interests, etc. As I understand it some (all?) dating sites can be used just to find friends too, so as long as all parties make it clear what exactly they are looking for it should all work out. In theory, at least.

Say you go to a meetup via meetup.com for philosophy or something then you don't have the same expectation and I think that allows people to connect without pressure.

This sounds like an excellent way to meet new people, and make new friends and that can sometimes blossom into something else.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I kinda want to do this in reality first... I have nothing against online dating, other than rarely hearing anything working out... good practice sure.

But I kinda want to DO it for myself, if that makes sense. Whether pass or fail. I havent done this for over 3 years since my last "breakup", sad,haven't done much other than school/outside projects w/ the opposite sex. Kinda want to cease situations in RL first. But that's me - perhaps closed minded. I'd meet ppl from SPW one day as friends tho. But not like online dating sites.

That all being said, Im not living the next year like the last 3, so, Id give online dating a try if I nothing happens in RL.

I dun knows.

 

[Lostinthemusic]

So, I've read through this thread and I'm considering trying it out. It did work for my mom after all, she is now engaged. But what sites are good ones? I've seen commercials for a bunch. Are there any good free ones? meetup.com seems interesting, I think I'll do some exploring.

 

[***deleted***]

I signed up for a dating site once. I just wanted to take the free personality test. Anyway, I forgot all about and in class one day I checked my e-mail and had a TON of emails from this site. My crush was sitting next to me, saw the emails, and laughed at me while announcing to the class that i had joined a dating site.

so thank you dating site, you ruined my chance at a real life relationship:/

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I signed up for a dating site once. I just wanted to take the free personality test. Anyway, I forgot all about and in class one day I checked my e-mail and had a TON of emails from this site. My crush was sitting next to me, saw the emails, and laughed at me while announcing to the class that i had joined a dating site.

so thank you dating site, you ruined my chance at a real life relationship:/

Surely you mean "thank you dating site, for making me see that the guy I had a crush on was in reality a shallow, insensitive idiot"?

 

[Kiwong]

I tried a fitness singles site. I thought it might be good to share my running adventures with someone as much into running as me. However, trying to find someone, around my age, 48, and into to running marathons is difficult.

I think I enjoy the whole friendship side of the internet much more anyway. You know, communicating with people into the same interests, for me running. I've made a few friends that way both male and female, and that is a big step for me.

 

[GoBlue72]

Beatrice,

I'm always interested in these threads about online dating. I haven't had much success with dating websites myself, but I do keep hearing about people who've met their spouses this way. The stuff you mentioned about creepers is something I hear over and over from women. For whatever reason, the online part gives some guys the idea they can just say or do whatever to whoever. As a guy, my problem has been getting much of anything going online. It seems like very few women reply when messaged(I realize they get many,many, emails per day). And when they do reply, the messages get less and less frequent until it seems to die out. For that reason, I have found that meeting people in person at least gives you an immediate reaction. I'm still hopeful of online dating, it just often seems like a lot of work to get anything going. And many people do look at your profile and not even respond afterwards.

Here are some suggestions I found on CNN.com related to online dating:

Tips for Online Dating

* Create a Personality Resume
* Learn to Really Read Their Profiles
* Know What You Want
* Quantity Will Lead to Quality
* Do Your Research But Keep It Quiet
* Beware of Lookers
* Take it Offline as Soon as You Can
* Meet in a Public Place
* Turn Them Down Promptly
* Don't Be Afraid to Say You Met Online


Read more: Full List - The Best of Valentine's Day - TIME

 

[***deleted***]

Surely you mean "thank you dating site, for making me see that the guy I had a crush on was in reality a shallow, insensitive idiot"?

Yes! that is indeed what I meant. Thank you sir

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I had an online profile on a dating site for a week and took it down mainly due to the messages I was getting and out of fear of my pictures being out there. A lot of the messages I got were "what's up"s or "hi"s from guys who weren't my type and were difficult to build conversation off of, and occasionally I'd get ones that were explicit or sexual that made me feel very uncomfortable.

It puzzles me that guys send those sorts of messages. Are there really girls out there on these sites who respond positively to messages like that? I guess there must be or they wouldn't send them. I suppose it's like email spam - to 99.999% of people it's just annoyance that they dump in the trash can, but the 0.001% that do respond must make it worth the spammer's time.

Only about a quarter of the messages I received were from guys that seemed genuinely interested in starting a decent conversation/getting to know me.

I really believe that anyone can pick up so much more about a person spending half a minute with them rather than reading about them in a thousand word profile.

Anyone's profile is self-authored so you're only getting their own point of view on themselves. Even if they're not being deliberately misleading, it's still going to have a certain amount of bias in it. The only way to really get to know someone, and discover whether you're compatible with them, is through two-way communication with them. Their profile can only ever be a starting point.

On those dating sites I felt like I was only sharing snippets of who I really am and was worried if when we met that he would be thinking I was misrepresenting myself if his expectations weren't met.

Well you can never really know that until you meet. A written description of someone is never going to give the full picture. You just have to keep talking to people and meeting people until you find someone with who you click.

I'm 20 and of course have never had a boyfriend due to anxiety, that probably contributed a lot to my insecurity about online dating too.

You shouldn't let that worry you too much. Some guys might be a little surprised that you've never had a boyfriend (from your pictures you do seem to be a rather strikingly pretty girl, so a lot of people will assume you must get asked out on dates all the time) but I don't think you'd be judged negatively for that, if that's what worries you. And if anyone did judge you over that, then they're not worth your time anyway.

 

[Lostinthemusic]

So I ended up joining a site called OKCupid. It's free and it's got all the good parts of other dating sites (from what I've seen anyways). I'm still not really sure how I feel about it though. I've been absent from this forum because I spend a ton of time doing essentially nothing on that site. They've got some interesting personality type tests which are cool, but only for a bit.

On the plus side I've had people message me who I get along with and I've been matched with people I've got along with. I'm kind of just going with the flow at the moment though because I don't really know how to be social online either. I'm better at using music to communicate than words or body language.

There are actually a fair amount of people from my college on the site too, which is really nice. One person wants to have coffee, but I'm kind of intimidated. As soon as she asked doubts about myself and her started going through my head. But there are others I've been messaging (its kind of like facebook without status updates and for strangers, by the way) and I've found I can get some talking out of the way before actually talking. I don't know if this will end up helping or not, but I suppose we'll have to wait and see. I certainly hope it does.

I just want to meet someone who I can hang out with all day and be comfortable around, and deep down I know I deserve to have a girlfriend, social things just take so much effort.

Funny, this is the least I've had to stop and think about what I'm writing in a long time. This does cause rambling, but whatever, I don't really give a sh** at the moment anyways.

Wow I'm glad this website exists.

 

[diesel]

I have and do use them and with success too . I have met women numerous times from online and so far they have worked out how I anticipated so they do work if you know how to do it that is . Now mind you , I would say the majority of people don't come across in public as well as they may have online and I think that's because online you have to type so you are thinking about what you are saying which means you can 'create' a persona . Much more difficult to do so in person . Also and for me quite an important factor , people can look physically different in person to their photos . I found this out the hard way lol but I was too invested at that stage so I went through with it anyway .

Now for the important part and this is gonna sound bad but some of those messages where guys seem interested in starting a conversation and getting to know someone is exactly the way they want it to seem . I can honestly comment on this as I am one of them . I know how to start a conversation and I know how to continue it to get what I want out of it . Myself I like to have 'fun' with women , I choose to be single as I prefer things less complicated and more importantly I don't want to let someone get close either . Now I am telling you this because if you are looking for a relationship or even just a friend maybe then just be wary that some of those 'genuine' guys could be just like me and are , how shall I put this - fishing .

Don't let this put you off the whole concept at all , it really does work and a friend of mine had a girlfriend from online and they were great together so it is possible Just be wary and keep you're wits about you too and you will be fine

 

[EasySkanking]

I have and do use them and with success too . I have met women numerous times from online and so far they have worked out how I anticipated so they do work if you know how to do it that is . Now mind you , I would say the majority of people don't come across in public as well as they may have online and I think that's because online you have to type so you are thinking about what you are saying which means you can 'create' a persona . Much more difficult to do so in person . Also and for me quite an important factor , people can look physically different in person to their photos . I found this out the hard way lol but I was too invested at that stage so I went through with it anyway .

Now for the important part and this is gonna sound bad but some of those messages where guys seem interested in starting a conversation and getting to know someone is exactly the way they want it to seem . I can honestly comment on this as I am one of them . I know how to start a conversation and I know how to continue it to get what I want out of it . Myself I like to have 'fun' with women , I choose to be single as I prefer things less complicated and more importantly I don't want to let someone get close either . Now I am telling you this because if you are looking for a relationship or even just a friend maybe then just be wary that some of those 'genuine' guys could be just like me and are , how shall I put this - fishing .

Don't let this put you off the whole concept at all , it really does work and a friend of mine had a girlfriend from online and they were great together so it is possible Just be wary and keep you're wits about you too and you will be fine

Sir, I would like to be YOU :: 'nuff said .

 

[Vin]

Dating on the net is not different to dating in real life.

"Long Distance relationships is just a test to see how far love can travel"

 

[Patrick26]

I been on 3 weeks and no girls ever respond to me so w/e.

 

[Entangled]

I did online dating after a friend recommended it to me. I did feel kinda ashamed of having to resort to that, seeing I had no real life social skills..but anyway-- I had to travel around to a couple different sites after they were getting stagnant/full of creepers. But after about a year I did meet my current boyfriend on there, so it turned out well after all.
Overall there were ups and downs using online dating, like real life. Basically you need patience and good intuition.
And most importantly, if you don't feel comfortable about somebody messaging you--ignore/block them! Don't feel bad about doing that either, because you have to put your own personal safety above all else!

 

[megalon]

If not for online dating, I never would've been on the two dates that I've been on in my life. That was over a year ago and I haven't had so much as a single visitor to my profile in months now. I still waste time checking it every day though.

 

[Patrick26]

If not for online dating, I never would've been on the two dates that I've been on in my life. That was over a year ago and I haven't had so much as a single visitor to my profile in months now. I still waste time checking it every day though.

That is because you probably don't have a good looking profile. From what i read you need to make a really good looking profile to get women to see it and get views or else it's near the bottom hiding from potential dates that want to date you.