Och aye the noo

Just when ah think everything's going great... Wallop! Life boots me right in the bawz. :kickingmyself:
One of my laptops is knackered again. :sad:
Whit's wrang we'it?

Though, on a more positive post-surgery note, ah nearly walk out the front door yesterday without my crutches. What!

Never actually thought I'd get use to walking unaided after the surgery, so that quite an achievement.
T'is indeed! :applause: :thumbup:
 
Oh, aye - yer no wrang! Despite the fact you've got a compulsive hoarding, which extended to how I'm no allow to get rid ma things. Cuz that's normal, eh?
Well, i guess its normal-ISH, as not every tom, **** & harry has got ocd or hoarding. Does your mum regard it as normal does she? Granted, it does become one's own "normality" after havin lived with it for years. It's an anxiety disorder, in essence, which are very common in people (eg you & i have SA, your mum has OCD).

...Because ma family cannae handle the slightest criticism. Well, except me, obviously - cuz they always find summit about me to be critical of
Obviously the main issue is not who, but what - they can't handle flaws/imperfections (in their minds) in the world around them. They cannae handle themselves havin flaws (ie being critized; they get angry/defensive/ignorant). Nor cannae handle you havin any flaws (aside from bein disabled?; ie they criticize you; & get angry as tis not what they wish you to think or say, which frustrates them)
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Not sure about wine, as i dont drink the stuff, but aint it kinda healthy? By spirits i meant hard liquor, 30-40% alcohol, like vodka, rum, whiskey, etc.

Awrite - well then ah'll be buyin' masel' either a half bottle or 50ml minatures of Buckie (Buckfast). No that ah'd go mental with it, but it's nice tae huv a wee drink when I'm relaxing or workin' away at ma laptop. It'd make a change fae drinkin' this aw the time...

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Tried whisky once (Jack Daniel) - it's not summit ah could drink that much or often. Never tried vodka - ma cousin love it, though. And judging by how shit-face ma older sister would get whenever she hud a night out with ma cousin, ah think ah'll avoid vodka.

Ah still remember her staggering upstair at midnight on some weekends, ma mum would come intae ma room the next morning (Saturday), and tell me no tae make much noise when gettin' up or to play ma music. Then ma sister would get up after 10 o'clock. Hair a mess, complain o' being hungover then tell me:

"Ugh! Mornin'. Ah feel like shit. See when yer old enough tae buy yer ain - ah know ye already drink, anyway. But, eh... Dinnae gan mad wae it. Awright?" :bigsmile:​

Though she didnae really need tae tell me that, since ah found out that fae experience, age 14, at a cousin's wedding reception. Which is curse of lookin' older than yer actual age. Just cuz ye cun get serve at a bar and yer family will pay yer tab - doesnae mean you cun spend the night ordering you, and the person ye brought as yer plus one, pint efter pint.

Mind you spending yer last moment of an evening comparing your hands to yer cousins and seeing yer friend tumble doon a short flight o' hotel stairs and manage to walk afterwards is hilarious. Next morning, not so much.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Whit's wrang we'it?

Aww, well... Ah restarted it to get rid of potential malware or a virus that my internet security software suspected. Start it back up and get the blue screen sayng summit about having to do a recovery.

Windows-10-Windows-8-will-not-launch-because-of-recovery-boot-configuration-data-file-missing.png


T'is indeed! :applause:

Aye, I'm fair chuffed with that.

Well, i guess its normal-ISH, as not every tom, **** & harry has got ocd or hoarding. Does your mum regard it as normal does she? Granted, it does become one's own "normality" after havin lived with it for years. It's an anxiety disorder, in essence, which are very common in people (eg you & i have SA, your mum has OCD).

She aware it's a problem, my mum just doesnae seem committed to changing it. Too lazy, ye could say? Ah mean, I know it's anxiety issue as well.

It's just frustating to be accused of being a bully when I point out, like do we really need aw this fizzy drink and shitty food. Just because it's on offer doesnae mean it has to be bought. And she goes to the shop twice in the same week (Tuesdays and Fridays). Sorry if I seem judgemental here, but, really you should only be gettin' yer message, at least once a week, no? :question:

It's getting tae the point where she's hiding stuff behind the couch in the living room - and find it hilarious when we find, because me and my oldest sister are constantly complaining about it. :kickingmyself:

The sad thing is most of the food and drink just sit there or get stored away past it's best before date.

I'm at the point where ah've just gave up - she refuses my help, anyway.
So, I'm just going to let her and my sister deal with it. My mum's made it clear I'm not needed, other than to keep her company. And that's it, really...

It's the main reason I'm not allowed to move on with my life, ah've spent last 10 years o' ma life keeping the clan aw happy n' content. Because believe you me, if I got my way, ah'd huv said followed through on cutting all contact with them and moving out.

But, naw - they need me apparently. And ah could cope on ma own.

Obviously the main issue is not who, but what - they can't handle flaws/imperfections (in their minds) in the world around them. They cannae handle themselves havin flaws (ie being critized; they get angry/defensive/ignorant). Nor cannae handle you havin any flaws (aside from bein disabled?; ie they criticize you; & get angry as tis not what they wish you to think or say, which frustrates them)

But me being disabled came under harsh scrutiny from ma older sister once.

It's funny how ah get telt how much ah can't do, and my sisters and niece get telt that:
"Aww, yer good. You cun dae anythin' ye put yer mind tae. Don't ever think otherwise."​

Yet, ah get telt how useless I am, one hand. Or that I'm just like ma dad in a bad way. And how great a person I am on the other. And how proud they are of me to huv gotten this far life - nae thanks to them, like. But ah point out yin flaw in either my sisters or mum's character, they don't want to hear it or accept it. Ah know, double standards. But they still don't see themselves as being in wrong about most of their actions, mainly stuff done at my expense.

To be fair, you'd probably want a decent bit of distance between you and people who make ye feel inferior and/or miserable for just being you as well?
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!

Awww, cheers! I'll give them a read later and see if ah cun get ma other laptop to start-up properly again. :thumbup:

Edit: Forgot to mention I don't have a copy the installation disc, which might make fixing this issue slightly difficult.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Urrgh! They tell me nuthin'... :kickingmyself: Then, oh they'd forgot - f**kin' cheers ah wus waitin' on an important phone-call this morning. And only now ma mum decided tae tell me she'd plugged the phone back in. After forgetting to plug it back in when she got back from shopping, cuz ah wus still asleep when she went away. So she unplugged the phone in case it rang and woke me up. :thumbdown:

And she bitching about me no tell her or the rest o' them anythin'. :mad:
 
I'm also curious to see if they are all b*llocks (ie like "placebo" pills) or they actually work. I listened to a heap yesterday, but i felt absolutely zero effect on my mood.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm also curious to see if they are all b*llocks (ie like "placebo" pills) or they actually work. I listened to a heap yesterday, but i felt absolutely zero effect on my mood.

Ah only listened to it for half an hour, and it definitely me feel more relaxed.
That said, ah wus in bed, lying down, while listening to that clip you linked. So... :idontknow:

And ah did listen to one of those Binaural Beats clips that wus supposed tae help with creativity, but it did f**k all. :thumbdown:
 
Yeah, some of those audio's have a nice relaxing sound, if nothing else. I'm just "trawling" thru them all, trying to find what's more suitable for when.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Woke up in a shitty mood this morning, then I'm still pissed off aboot that embarrassing argument ah hud with ma mum, in front of my sister. Albeit brief, still wus'nae right giving me guff aboot summit so trivial.

So, I'm in the middle o' yapping tae ma sister, when ma mum walk into my room - ma door was still open - and the following argument ensues


Me: "Aye, it's, eh..."
Mum: "Whit ye wearin' that fur?"
Me: "Huh?"
Mum: "Yer sleeveless shirt/vest thing?"
Me: "Don't know, it wus the first thing ah grabbed"
Mum: "How? D'ye no normally wear a t-shirt"
Me: "Aye"
Mum: "Then why are ye wearin' it the day?"
Me: "Just 'cause..."
Mum: "Just 'cause why?"
Me: "Ugh! Cuz ah felt like it. It's no like I'm going anywhere the day"
My sister: "Mum just leave it, awrite. Stop pestering him aboot it"

^ Yep! That the kinda shite ah huv to put up with, ah cannae wearing the clothes ah want withoot gettin' guff for ma choices. :thumbdown:

Ye see, now, why ah prefer me, myself and I for company... Ah mean, whit kinda person argues with someone over the clothes they're wearing? :idontknow:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Kinda wish ma life wus a wee bit more interesting, y'know? Ma life's really quite boring. Ah mean like from day to day. Ah know it's quite interesting when ye considered the amount of music concerts I've attended in the last 10 plus years. Which is mair than most probably would, certainly. It'd be a lot less if ah wus a junkie...

And, the fact I attend 4 arts festivals in Scotland for the last 2 years.
  • Edinburgh Fringe
  • Glasgow International Comedy Festival
  • Dumfries & Galloway Arts Festival
  • The Big Burns Supper

^ The latter 2 on that list are the only ones local to me. Though, Edinburgh and Glasgow are just an hour or so drive away, depending on how busy the motorway is.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Here's a wee update - better make not of the date anaw.

October 17th 2016

Finally walked outside today, completely unaided by my crutches. Nae bother ataw. Ony because ma eldest sister noticed these last few days that I'm actually carrying them for a few steps then walkin' with them. :giggle:

Think it's save to say I'm back to my usual self in terms of walking, but only better. Cuz ma posture's improved and I'm actually bare weight and stepping through with ma right leg. Afore ah just, more or less, it along and ah wus hunched over alot.

Oh, and d'any of yous want to hear aboot ma surgery, hospital stay and recover? Cuz it's been quite an interesting experience for me, like.

Just asking since ah didnae exactly get peace to start it while ah wus in hospital; and the months of physiotherapy kinda kept me from writing it as ah progressed in ma recovery.
 
Finally walked outside today, completely unaided by my crutches. Nae bother ataw. Ony because ma eldest sister noticed these last few days that I'm actually carrying them for a few steps then walkin' with them. :giggle:

Think it's save to say I'm back to my usual self in terms of walking, but only better. Cuz ma posture's improved and I'm actually bare weight and stepping through with ma right leg. Afore ah just, more or less, it along and ah wus hunched over alot
I certainly take walking for granted, as seems such a simple thing. But i'm pleased that you're pleased about ye progress; it's a good step in right direction! :bigsmile: (wee joke there)

Oh, and d'any of yous want to hear aboot ma surgery, hospital stay and recover? Cuz it's been quite an interesting experience for me, like.

Just asking since ah didnae exactly get peace to start it while ah wus in hospital; and the months of physiotherapy kinda kept me from writing it as ah progressed in ma recovery
I for one wouldn't mind readin about it all. Like, you know, whenever you feel like writing about it. No rush aye?.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
A control freak :question:

Ha! Ye dinnae even knnow the half o' it, pal!

Ah mean, this is the same wummin who'd yell at me to "walk properly" when I used to be able to walk to school primary in the morning. Kinda difficult to walk right when you got the hard plastic leg braces digging into yer fibula bones.

Then a few years later, my mum telt me not to trust one of my best friends and fellow schoolmates at the time because he wus a recreation drug user. Despite the fact 2 of my cousins were junkies at the time, and robbing the family left, right n' centre tae f**kin' score. But, naw, my ginger-haired freckle-faced, gab-toothed, "ladies' man" friend wus a bad influence :kickingmyself:

Tae top it aw aff, my mum doesnae like to take responsibility for how her neglect and indifference towards me at an early age shaped who I've become. And my oldest sister stand firm in her belief we turned oot great being raised by a single mum. A statement that utterly laughable since they never see that side of our mum.

They see the dumb, naive, well-meaning but overbearing mum who's only trying help. I see, the bitter, angry - yet needy - feminist who burdened me with her self-esteem, depression, anxiety and miserable outlook on life. Because she didnae want me tae huv the better life ah deserved. Naw, ah just got telt to be subservant and dependent upon other. Told what I can do more than what I can, etc.

How tha hell d'ye think yer bairn's gonnae turn oot if ye neglect them from a young age and tell them not to express their emotions?

And they laugh off everytime ma mum constradicts me or interrupts me when I speak, or is being pushing. Because we're only tryin' to help cuz we care about ye! Which if that wus genuinely the case, why d'they never respect my privacy, or whenever I say I don't want to do summit?

Sorry, just ranting and venting. Because my mum, yet again, showed how much of a control freak she is, by feigning dementia when I asked her where something was. Got the typical :idontknow: "Ah dinnae ken whit yer even oan aboot..." response. And she wonder why she get treat like she's dumb, or why ah tend to get pissed off with her more than my sisters do.
 
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