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Old 02-20-2018
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I would imagine there are others out there with these kinds of relationships with their mother. Mine has issues with anxiety and panic attacks like me but doesn't share the social anxiety so she doesn't understand that about me. A lot of times when something goes wrong, she fills my head with horrible things making my anxiety even worse. She always judges me and criticizes me over my agoraphobia issues even though she has some mild ones her self. She has a way of bringing me to tears very easily.

Does anyone have experiences like this with their mother? Is there any way to end this?
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Old 02-21-2018
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My mother also has got her own fears but she would tell me 'i don't understand why you r like this' like she cannot relate either. i would tell her 'well like you.. ' and she still doesn't get it lol but you can try it
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Old 04-11-2018
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Sorry to hear that you have such a relationship. I don't have that sort of relationship with my mother, so I'm sorry to say that I can't relate.

I have found though that you have to be very stern with those types of people. I used to be a very passive person, and I used to struggle a lot with people stepping over me and treating me terrible. I always blamed them, but part of the issue was with myself.

If you feel like you're a little passive sometimes, you might want to consider reading the book


This book really helped me become more assertive and not let people step all over me.

I hope that helps!
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Old 04-12-2018
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Originally Posted by lilly354 View Post
I would imagine there are others out there with these kinds of relationships with their mother. Mine has issues with anxiety and panic attacks like me but doesn't share the social anxiety so she doesn't understand that about me. A lot of times when something goes wrong, she fills my head with horrible things making my anxiety even worse. She always judges me and criticizes me over my agoraphobia issues even though she has some mild ones her self. She has a way of bringing me to tears very easily.

Does anyone have experiences like this with their mother? Is there any way to end this?
I donít have much of a relationship with mine. We donít have anything in common really and she makes me very anxious and uncomfortable. Itís definately a source of sadness for me. Contributes to my depression, too. My mom is a very anxious person herself who passed it on to me. She is more functioning than me and also compares me to my brothers and cousins etc..I cannot stand that. I would never do that to her. Thereís so much insensitivity that way from her and it feels very much the opposite of love. It could even be considered bullying. Yes, I can definitely relate Lily :( I wish it were not so for us. A good relationship with my mom would have changed my life. As it stands I just feel bad all the time about it.
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Old 04-13-2018
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I hate to see stuff like this, I'm so sorry you and MollyBeGood have to deal with this type of attitude and treatment from your mothers. I hope you guys can realize that it's a problem with THEM not with YOU. Your mom might feel in some way she is responsible for the pain that you go through with your own struggles and anxiety. Maybe she feels like she's done something wrong or she could have done more; people don't deal well with having feelings of guilt, so they sometimes take it out on others. Essentially, your mom could be coming from a good place, she could just be upset that you're hurting and struggling and can't project that in the proper way. I'm sorry that has to add to your struggles and anxiety :(
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Old 04-19-2018
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My father bullied me sometimes when I was a child. He would make jokes that humiliated me.
My mother is insecure and never believes in her own abilities, and also doesn't believe in my abilities or talents, and that way she makes me feel incapable of anything.
When I'm with my mother I feel extremely irritated and constantly reminded of our family's dysfunctional patterns. It all brings me down.
It's hard for me to know to what extent I should socialize with my mother (And my father. They're divorced).
I don't want to not be in touch with them, but omg it's hard to feel so bothered by them.
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Originally Posted by agoraphobickatie View Post
I hate to see stuff like this, I'm so sorry you and MollyBeGood have to deal with this type of attitude and treatment from your mothers. I hope you guys can realize that it's a problem with THEM not with YOU. Your mom might feel in some way she is responsible for the pain that you go through with your own struggles and anxiety. Maybe she feels like she's done something wrong or she could have done more; people don't deal well with having feelings of guilt, so they sometimes take it out on others. Essentially, your mom could be coming from a good place, she could just be upset that you're hurting and struggling and can't project that in the proper way. I'm sorry that has to add to your struggles and anxiety :(
Thanks so much, Katie for your super-thoughtful and giving me things to think about post.
I know my mom means well, i know she has a good heart. Its what makes this that much harder to deal with. I wish sheíd just be a biotch all the time, then it would not seem so hurtful honestly.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanita View Post
My father bullied me sometimes when I was a child. He would make jokes that humiliated me.
My mother is insecure and never believes in her own abilities, and also doesn't believe in my abilities or talents, and that way she makes me feel incapable of anything.
When I'm with my mother I feel extremely irritated and constantly reminded of our family's dysfunctional patterns. It all brings me down.
It's hard for me to know to what extent I should socialize with my mother (And my father. They're divorced).
I don't want to not be in touch with them, but omg it's hard to feel so bothered by them.
Nannnaa I love to see you posting again. I hate this post.
Why canít they just pass on the good stuff to us? I always wish i wasnít so sensitive so I wouldnít have absorbed so much. I really kinda hate my sensitive nature : (
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Old 04-20-2018
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nanita View Post
My father bullied me sometimes when I was a child. He would make jokes that humiliated me.
My mother is insecure and never believes in her own abilities, and also doesn't believe in my abilities or talents, and that way she makes me feel incapable of anything.
When I'm with my mother I feel extremely irritated and constantly reminded of our family's dysfunctional patterns. It all brings me down.
It's hard for me to know to what extent I should socialize with my mother (And my father. They're divorced).
I don't want to not be in touch with them, but omg it's hard to feel so bothered by them.
Most of my family - my mother, older sisters and cousins who also happened to be female - would make humiliating jokes at my expense as well. Either about my weight or my face... Forgetting, of course, that I'm a mixed race lad who was frequently bullied throughout my school years.

I never dared say anything back to them after seeing how they tended to flee into a rage and get offended if I make a sarcastic remark aimed at them. The youngest of my 2 older sisters, especially, being prone to violent tantrums if you utter anything that she's likely to take issue with.

My mother was, and still is, a deeply insecure, manipulative and cold woman. She feckin' hateful as well. Always negative, always. Oh, and domineering.

Haven't really conversed with her since I was 18. That's when I realised she never had anything good or nice to say to me, or whenever she did everything negative would overwhelm the compliment. But hey, that's the kinda crap that happens when a young lad spends much of his life being compared to his violent, abusive, absentee father and being told that "All men are useless - ah don't mean you though, son".

And my mother never misses a chance to re-enforce the idea that, cuz I have disability I'm unable to look after myself. Though, worse of all that was a few years ago. At the mere mention of me saying I wanted to move out and leave the family home, my Mum told me, straight-up, that if I did that she'd take her own life. Which she would later say was just "...a joke"
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Why canít they just pass on the good stuff to us? I always wish i wasnít so sensitive so I wouldnít have absorbed so much. I really kinda hate my sensitive nature : (
Same here.
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