God damn, Fairfax. That pic of that cat you posted on my visitor messages, is an EXACT representation of how I feel! Where am I at? Well, I am drowning in stress atm. Just when you think your life could not get any more stressfully-effed-up, something worse comes along. :sad: As you are probably all too familiar with yourself.
Hey again! Sorry I couldn't get back to you in such a long time, my parents and I are busy getting ready to move. It's kinda stressful at the moment. Anyways, I'm also an emotional person too.
A lot people just assume I cry over weird things or that I'm too old to cry. I don't know if that could be part of why I scare so many people away. I've had a very, very rough life and I'm not trying to sound like a victim or anything. I've lost 4 of my grandparents a year or two ago (practically no one to confide in), been locked in my room pretty much all my life, and I guess it just isn't easy for someone like me to make friends. I just don't know why. I attempted countless times trying to get people to hang out with to go to a movie or something. And I always end up getting the same resposne "I'm too busy" and then they forget about me completely. :/
I hate when people keep telling me "They're different when they're your own." But I don't want to be a stay at home mom the rest of my life. I don't want to sacrifice own my career and become something I don't want to be.
I've already spent 21 years alone in my house. Why should I have to make my life even more miserable? Why should I have to sacrifice my life making myself more miserable by being locked up with a bunch of screaming kids and having to lose all my freedom? I know that a lot of people would think it's selfish, but I don't care. I'm not going to let them persuade me into having a relationship/having kids. Sorry had to send this in double text
I also don't want to have kids either. Every time I tell people this (including my family) they always say the same crap "Oh they're different when they're your own." "You'll change your mind." "Do you wanna be lonely the rest of your life?" They all feel entitled to disrespect my decisions. I'll be honest with you, if I ever had kids down the road, I would be exceedingly miserable. No doubt. Kids, for me personally, are way too much responsibility. Way too much. My sister already has two kids and she makes me and my parents babysit them whenever she wants to go out with her husband somewhere. They always make me chase them around, getting into cabinets (which they shouldn't be), throwing tantrums, standing on chairs, eating off the floors, ect. I know they don't really know any better, but if I had to deal with them everyday, I'd be sure to lose to my mind. I wouldn't know what to do.
Hey Fountainfairfax! Sorry I never got a chance to talk to you. I read your message and I understand what you mean. I think I'm just scared due to the fact I've been locked up inside my house for years and I'll be closer to turning twenty two soon. The months go by fast :(. When both of my Grandmothers were in the nursing home I was young back then.
When I look at the elderly people, I wasn't thinking so much about growing older/looking like them. Yes, I was living peter pan mode. I mean, I know I'm still young, but I feel as though I'm literally trying to endure my youth instead of enjoying it. Everyone around me always tells me "Oh you're at the big 21. You have your whole life ahead of you." Well, I left half of it behind me because I'm still stuck with my parents, living in my room day by day. I think it's going to continue to get like this until I'm buried underground. I have no idea what I'm even living for anyways...