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Old 08-11-2017
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I've missed almost every class this week, I managed to get quite sick (either a really bad flu or its bronchitis) and so havent been able to handle going to classes. I went to my photography class and one and a half of the astronomy classes... But I just didnt have the strength/emotional stability/ consciousness to attend any others.. This means I have missed a whole week of Japanese which Im sure Im really going to pay for, the attendance requirements for Uni is actually really strict and so theres a chance they'll kick me out of the Japanese unit because I missed the lecture and the 2 classes.. Its actually really stressing me out because I am still sick and worried I'll miss more classes if Im not better, and Im worried about failing/ being kicked out of the course.

It also means I have a ton of homework/catch up work to do this weekend and I dont know if I'll manage the amount.. ugh, I hate feeling so stressed out and having so much to do in so limited a time...
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Old 08-11-2017
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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I'm sorry, Xen.

Hopefully you'll be able to get back into the groove.
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LoyalXenite (08-11-2017)
Old 09-25-2017
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I've been freaking out all day. My dad's friend said that this morning my dad told him he was selling the house in 4 weeks and moving an hour to an hour and a half south west of where we are living. This will mean I go back to being homeless but this time with my 3 dogs as well. I dont know what to do.

Things were finally feeling stable, I was drowning in uni work and getting ridiculously stressed over it, but I thought I had stable accommodation and a plan for my immediate future with hopes for the long term...

Now I dont know what to do. I tried to ask my dad today about it because he hasnt mentioned anything to me, but I chickened out because Im scared to hear it confirmed. If I end up homeless again, how can I properly look after my dogs, how can I keep going to uni. Everytime I think things are getting better, that im getting my life under control and actually moving forward everything falls apart and I just dont know how to keep going.

Tomorrow I will have to ask him. I need to know because if its true then I might as well stop working on the assignments and start desperately trying to find a place that I can afford and that will allow 3 big dogs... When I was homeless before it was hell trying to find a place to rent and that was without dogs.. Im so scared and stressed out right now
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Old 09-25-2017
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I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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That sounds like Hell, I know you're especially stressed about your dogs.

For their sake, Xen please talk to your dad soon, you're gonna need all the time you can get to start making plans.

I wish you the best luck in the world.

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LoyalXenite (09-25-2017)
Old 09-25-2017
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Yeah Im really gonna try and make myself bring it up tomorrow, I need to know where I stand and what my options are gonna be.
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Old 09-26-2017
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It was a throwaway comment.

Dad came home and I managed to ask him. It turned out to be a throwaway comment, i feel dizzy with relief.

I was so scared I was gonna be homeless again. It was all just a fleeting comment with no actual standing. I've been so stressed since yesterday and it was all for nothing. Im so relieved. I feel like Im gonna just melt away with relief...
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Old 09-26-2017
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I'm so glad, Xen.
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LoyalXenite (09-28-2017)
Old 09-28-2017
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Ugh. Got my marks back from the mid session exams... I did terribly. I scrapped a pass in astronomy (literally just passed with like 52%) but I failed the Japanese mid term so hard.... I got 20/90, so like 22%... and its worth 30% of the final overall mark so odds are I've failed the subject entirely.. Im going to email the coordinator and see if I can do a supplementary assignment to at least bring me up to a pass for the subject...
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Old 09-30-2017
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Coordinator said theres no option for supplementary assignments, but as long as I do well in the rest of the assignments and the final exam I'll still pass... I'm going to need to ace everything just to scrape a pass in the final mark for the subject....

Side note... I have a mouse whose decided to nest somewhere in my room/half a garage set up. I went to put fresh sheets on my bed and noticed a stash of seeds and mouse poop in there... Now I have to rewash all that bedding (serves me right for being lazy and not putting them away properly) and move that furniture and sweep it all out before that mouse becomes mice... I knew theres been one about coz my dogs have been trying to catch it, but I thought it was in the half of the garage that I dont live in (where my dad has boxes and various of his stuff stored)

On a positive note I won a free day out thing from the maccas monopoly... Theres a lot of options but I've narrowed my choices down to
-The Escape Hunt Experience Sydney
-Australia Walkabout Wildlife Park
-Delta Force Paintballing
-Manly Sea Life Sanctuary
-Illawarra fly treetop walk
-Sydney Tower Eye experience


(https://sydney.escapehunt.com/
Home
Delta Force Paintball Sydney
https://www.manlysealifesanctuary.com.au/
Illawarra Fly Treetop Adventures - Illawarra Fly
https://www.sydneytowereye.com.au/)
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Old 10-14-2017
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Stressing over and also highly anticipating the end of the semester... just two more weeks of classes til exam period, then two exams, an essay, and my photography display. Before then I have a Japanese oral exam, an Astronomy excursion, an Astronomy exam and a creative writing assignment due... I just cant wait for it all to be over but Im so stressed about flunking Japanese

I got real down about it earlier today and ended up spending $70 on ebay (Gotta love the zero impulse control of the borderline lifestyle.. )

Also forgot to take my meds the last couple of days so Im a bit of an emotional mess. Got quite down on the fact that due to my social anxiety, appearance, and utter absence of a social life the odds of me being never being in a relationship, serious or fling or anything of the sort, are actually quite high Its usually something Im good at not thinking about or just telling myself that Im ok with it and I have my dogs and they are all I need. But some days I just feel so alone and crave an intimate touch (not just of the sexual nature, but the closeness of a relationship)
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Old 11-08-2017
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Its almost over.....

One more week...

Two more exams....

Then I'll finally be on summer holidays, 3 whole months of no uni! 3 whole months of relaxing!


I got a lot of my marks back, I did well in the Astronomy assignments, getting Ds and HDs (Distinctions and High Distinctions), thats also what I've been getting in my Photography results, though I haven't gotten my final mark for my photography project (That comes in a few weeks time). I haven't gotten my results for the creative writing assignments either, but im not too worried about those, Im fairly sure I'll have passed those fine. I did surprise myself with my Japanese results, my midterm was such an abysmal failure that I just haven't been able to hold any hope of passing the subject, but my oral exam result was 77% and the group assignment was 75%... So that means I actually have a chance of passing this subject... I just gotta do well on the final Japanese exam..

Im not too concerned about the final exam for Astronomy, its all multiple choice so at least if Im not sure I can make an educated guess... But theres so much pressure on the Japanese exam...

I worked out I need around 65% on the final exam just to pass the subject overall.... Considering I only managed a pathetic 24% on my mid exam Im not too confident...Between my general shitty memory and my panicking in exams I just do so terribly in them.. I have put so much time and effort and tried so damn hard, but I just dont seem to manage it.... My Japanese exam is on this Monday and Im gonna study it everyday until the exam just to try and retain some damn information!!
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Old 4 Weeks Ago
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33 hours 39 minutes until the Japanese final exam starts.. I'm reaching the breaking point of my stress levels... there is so much pressure on this exam.. and no matter how much and how hard I study I just am not ready for it... Im almost out of time to study too
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Old 4 Weeks Ago
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Japanese exam went terribly... pretty confident I failed both the exam and as a result of such, the subject... I've pretty much accepted it, still annoyed and upset at failing but I really gave it my all the whole semester and I just couldnt do it, but a girl in the class who is quite smart and was doing great with it in the beginning was also struggling and isnt confident that she passed either so if the top kids in the course are struggling then its not just a reflection on me being a failure... After the exam we (that girl i mentioned) went to pokehunt (Pokemon go) and we saw a whale and her calf at the beach so it really brought my mood up and reminded me that Japanese was meant to be for fun and so it clearly isnt what I am suited to studying in the uni style, I'll continue to learn the language at my own pace in the future. Photography is my endgame and im doing well in that subject and thats what matters, Im doing fine in creative writing and because I foresaw the possibility of failing Japanese I was doing the required subjects for creative writing as a minor just in case. So I'm ok..

Just one more exam then im on my summer break for about 3 months (thankfully!!). The exam is tomorrow (Astronomy), I've done well in all my other assignments for it though so I've already passed the subject, so theres no pressure whatsoever on the exam, I could literally get 0% and still pass. So its just the usual leaving the house/being around people stress that I get when I go out. Nothing like the stress over the Japanese exam, which brought me dangerously close to a total breakdown.

I cant wait til its done, I need the summer break so badly
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Old 3 Weeks Ago
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Accurate representation of me after semester
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Hot_Tamale (3 Weeks Ago)
Old 3 Weeks Ago
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So glad to finally be able to take a mental break for 3 months!!

Sidenote, theres been some mice around and so dad bought a live catch mouse trap for his place and one for my little setup, I set it up today and its got two mice in there right now (Tomorrow morning I'll go release them a few blocks away, maybe near the railway where there'll be food and such for them to live long happy lives). Im trying very hard not to get attached already, they are just so tiny and cute and I miss having pet rats, so these adorably naughty little mice are very endearing
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Old 3 Weeks Ago
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Well, mice aren't anywhere near as intelligent as rats and don't make as good of pets as a result. I don't know if that means anything, but maybe keeping that in mind will help you resist the temptation?
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LoyalXenite (3 Weeks Ago)
Old 3 Weeks Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zharl View Post
Well, mice aren't anywhere near as intelligent as rats and don't make as good of pets as a result. I don't know if that means anything, but maybe keeping that in mind will help you resist the temptation?
That is very true, and to add to that the fact that I dont have the room for a cage and they arent any good for my asthma, not to mention I'd feel bad caging wild animals. They're used to having the whole world, I couldnt imprison them
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Old 3 Weeks Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoyalXenite View Post
That is very true, and to add to that the fact that I dont have the room for a cage and they arent any good for my asthma, not to mention I'd feel bad caging wild animals. They're used to having the whole world, I couldnt imprison them
Well, I'd recommend fish or reptiles of some kind, IF the whole caging thing weren't still an issue there.

Regardless, sounds like you have things under control with regards to "resisting temptation." Nevertheless, godspeed. Cuteness is a powerful enemy, that can easily overpower reason, if you let it. ;-)
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Old 3 Weeks Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zharl View Post
Well, I'd recommend fish or reptiles of some kind, IF the whole caging thing weren't still an issue there.

Regardless, sounds like you have things under control with regards to "resisting temptation." Nevertheless, godspeed. Cuteness is a powerful enemy, that can easily overpower reason, if you let it. ;-)
I do actually have 3 big dogs so its not like I dont have pets, I am just animal crazy
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Old 3 Weeks Ago
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoyalXenite View Post
I do actually have 3 big dogs so its not like I dont have pets, I am just animal crazy
XD

I have two. Usually it's three, however. I've also got two cats and three birds, but who's counting? Certainly not me.
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