loner?

Shygirl2011

Well-known member
I'm a loner. It's ok, I like being alone sometimes, but sometimes it is very depressing hanging out with my own company on a near daily basis.
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
I dont really agree.. People who are true loners are not unhappy with the way they are. I get enough social interacting by just going to the grocery store or watching people at the park. I deeply enjoy my silence and solitude..i dont feel like an outcast or condemned just because i don't choose to hang out with people often.

I believe loners tell themselves that they enjoy it more than they really do. I think it's a defensive mechanism. Anyone can like being by themselves, but when you are talking about a loner, you are talking about someone who is by themselves practically all of the time. I believe loners tell themselves that they enjoy being by themselves, but deep down, you can't control how you feel when you are always alone, your body automatically reacts and feels lonely and depressed. Many loners have adjusted to this feeling to certain extent, and may not even recognize it anymore. I'm not saying they feel like outcasts or losers, I'm saying they feel lonely and depressed at least from time to time, some have manic depression. I'm not sure if we have the same definition of loner, my definition is someone who has no intimate partner, no friends, no job, and doesn't talk to anyone, and almost never goes out or leaves the house. I'm not sure how you avoid depression and loneliness if you fit into this definition, that's a miracle if you do.
 

StandingJelly

Well-known member
I'm a nigel ever since the start of primary or from the beginning of my memories. I was never really bullied, people stood up for me if I did. They would let me play with them, but somehow someway noone would really interested developing a closer friendship with me.

Maybe its just because I never aggressively sought closer friendship and actively seek opportunities to accept a closer friendship. For this I too am a loner :(
 

Isolate

Member
I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's better to be your own person in my opinion. I think I'm a loner but I'm not positive how I really am without all this depression cluttering my mind. I know for a fact I'm a free-thinker which, I suppose, if you consider society's terminology for a loner, I'd be one.
 

*Amy*

Well-known member
No, there's nothing wrong! As my quote below says, "be who you are and say what you think"!! Well, of course, the problem about that is that many people with SAD are ashamed of being alone. But to stop feeling that way is the first step towards progress :)
 

blackgatescross

Well-known member
I am a bit of a loner. Not as much as what I used to be, but I don't really like being one.

I have a few friends, no girlfriend or anything. It would be nice to have that.

My problem is that I worry about what other people think too much.::(:
 

Aussie_Lad

Well-known member
I would consider myself one, and I am getting more and more comfortable with it everyday. Admittedly there will always be some greater challenges, but with it, comes a sense of fulfillment if you can overcome these challenges.
 

HeadFace

Well-known member
I believe loners tell themselves that they enjoy it more than they really do. I think it's a defensive mechanism. Anyone can like being by themselves, but when you are talking about a loner, you are talking about someone who is by themselves practically all of the time. I believe loners tell themselves that they enjoy being by themselves, but deep down, you can't control how you feel when you are always alone, your body automatically reacts and feels lonely and depressed. Many loners have adjusted to this feeling to certain extent, and may not even recognize it anymore. I'm not saying they feel like outcasts or losers, I'm saying they feel lonely and depressed at least from time to time, some have manic depression. I'm not sure if we have the same definition of loner, my definition is someone who has no intimate partner, no friends, no job, and doesn't talk to anyone, and almost never goes out or leaves the house. I'm not sure how you avoid depression and loneliness if you fit into this definition, that's a miracle if you do.
I must admit, I do this a lot. I say I'm content with being alone. But really, sometimes I'd actually like to have a circle of friends. Sometimes I'd actually like to be going out to lunch with some people. I'm always telling myself, though, that I shouldn't bum myself out over small things like that, then move on.


No. But true loners aren't alone because they have anxiety.

I really dont think there's such thing as a "true loner". You can be alone for many reasons. Hell, you can have friends, a girlfriend, and a good relationship with coworkers, and still be a loner.
 

mictsekk

Well-known member
No, if you think you like being alone all the time then you are lying to yourself. You will go insane eventually and/or become really depressed. I should know, I am slowly becoming a total recluse. While I have always enjoyed being alone I now understand that spending your whole life by yourself is not the way to go. I might be taking this out of context but one of Bruce Lee's quotes contained the sentences "To be is to be related. To isolate is death.". I think this is true...
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
There is only so much you can tell yourself, but I believe being a loner is an unhealthy lifestyle. I believe we don't need a significant other, but after being a loner for so long I've realized that we do need friends that we see face to face. I'm not a scientist so I can't explain exactly why we need friends to be healthy, call it mental health or soul happiness or whatever, but we need these personal relationships in the flesh in order to have a positive lifestyle. There will always be this low feeling in your heart if you avoid people as much as a loner does because you are never allowing people into your heart. You will never feel complete.
 

planemo

Well-known member
^
I agree with you there. But one of the main reasons I'm a loner is coz most of the people around me, are so different from me. I don't fit in at all. I'm reserved for one, while most people in my family, extended family and neighbours are talkative. And the main reason I never fit in, is because I just don't care much about other peoples lives. You know like gossip and what people get up to.

I just love my privacy and so I assume others are the same. I don't care what they get up to, but if they wanna chat to me about it, then it's ok. Plus my relatives on both sides of the family seem obsessed with knowing they are better than everyone else. I really don't know if this is just my particular lot of crazies I live with, or if everyone is that way. I really don't care if I'm "better" than my cousin or if my cousin is "better" or more successful than me. That's seemingly what everyone else is doing in my life. Comparing and then being good to this one and bad to that one etc. I treat everyone the same. I try to be nice with everyone, but if I sense someone doesn't like me I just stay away and leave it at that.

Plus people around me seem to be very petty. People used to gang up on me because I didn't have the same interests as them, or I went to a different school, or I support a different team. I just feel different around them so I choose to be alone but I know this is unhealthy as you say. I so badly wish I can be with people, but I just don't feel "right" around them, but maybe I'm the one with the problem...
 

JamesSmith

Well-known member
^
I just feel different around them so I choose to be alone but I know this is unhealthy as you say. I so badly wish I can be with people, but I just don't feel "right" around them, but maybe I'm the one with the problem...

This is why our lives are so difficult. We don't feel "right" around people, but at the same time we have a natural need to be around people because we are designed to be social creatures because we are human. So either way we go, we have problems. With people we don't feel "right", without people we get lonely and depressed. We can't win. The only solution is to get rid of anxiety if that's possible.
 

planemo

Well-known member
This is why our lives are so difficult. We don't feel "right" around people, but at the same time we have a natural need to be around people because we are designed to be social creatures because we are human. So either way we go, we have problems. With people we don't feel "right", without people we get lonely and depressed. We can't win. The only solution is to get rid of anxiety if that's possible.

Yes it seems like a lose-lose situation, and although I treasure my privacy I guess we all have that need of being around someone. But I'm not picky, I guess beggars can't be choosers, so I'd even take the company of one person who I feel comfortable around. But I guess no one is gonna drop from the sky. I guess I just have to get rid of my feelings for something positive to happen.
 

Izolo

Member
I've been a loner for most of my life,
I usually stay away from others because I never feel right with them,
there's always something that makes me feel sad, or uncomfortable, or angry, or vulnerable.
So I feel happy and comfortable when I'm alone,
but other times I feel depressed because of that same loneliness that I've gotten myself in,
so I don't really get myself..
Right now I just have one friend,
if it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't go out.
 

Minty

Well-known member
I really dont think there's such thing as a "true loner". You can be alone for many reasons. Hell, you can have friends, a girlfriend, and a good relationship with coworkers, and still be a loner.

I'm talking about introverts who fall on the far end of the scale and just really enjoy their solitude.

If you're alone because you have extreme anxiety or depression then you're not a loner at all. If you're alone because it makes you happy, you're a true loner. (And this doesn't have to be 100% of the time, just the majority. No one can stand being alone 100% of the time because human beings are social creatures.)
 
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