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Old 01-07-2011

xxaimsxx is offline  
Old 01-07-2011

oh gosh, ((aims)) hugs!!

People can say really stupid things when they get scared, including parents!!
And parents can have EXPECTATIONS!!

Sorry to hear you got bullied and all that...

If it helps, I was REALLY miserable at 16, and thought my life would never get better, and then it DID get better!!

It sucks to be a teenager today I guess, with all the world economy crisis and stuff... And parents are afraid for their own and your future... (mine can be a bit like that too.. sometimes they can say things that can be insulting without even thinking?? and usually they forget all about it!! and are surprised if you mention it??)
I think they still love you but they have really funny ways of showing it!!

You can't expect magic from a site - YOU need to make a difference and change your life.. Have you tried reading any books - some might be helpful? Or the Step by Step program? (It was recommended here...)

Even if you are the problem (which is not necessarily), YOU are also the solution!!
There is often a bunch of factors involved.. from social and community factors, environment, the TV, the internet,... for anything, you are probably at most 1/15 (one fifteenth) to blame or so... (Especially if you're sorry and want to do better in the future...) You can LEARN from your mistakes, and maybe even help other people in your situation in the future... ((hugs))

I've done some mistakes in my life too, and felt really awful afterwards... for a few days or even months or years sometimes, it usually DID get better eventually, you need to work on it though!!

If you are distracted/forgetful/ADD about things (I sure can be too!! and yes I've forgotten a pot in a kitchen too!!) there are tricks and tips to remember stuff etc. And nutrition/lifestyle changes that can help.
Feathers is offline  
Old 01-07-2011
Sea Bass's Avatar
Intermediate User

I think it's that you're not moving fast enough for your mother. Is she the only one that is providing for you and your sister? It could be that she feels alot of pressure due to the position she is in. I've gone through it. She is wrong in taking her frustration out on you though. She just wants you to make some progress. Try and find a family therapist. Try to work on your self esteem and confidence. Try not to rely so much on others so much for reassurance. Believe that you are great because YOU believe it, not because some one else does. Good luck to you my friend.
Sea Bass is offline  
Old 01-07-2011

First off, here is a cyber ~hug~. Secondly, if you ever want someone to just be there and listen, i can be that for you. You belong here and so sorry that people have made you feel like crap. Your energy feels very kind and i feel you do not deserve to be treated that way.
I hope you feel some kind of solace being on this site today.
emerald_star733 is offline  
Old 01-07-2011
alanj's Avatar
Newbie User

Keep remembering that nobody is better than anybody else; we are all just people in this world. Start living your life from the inside out and NOT the other way around. I will echo what Sea Bass said and say seek reassurance from within yourself rather than looking outside for it. Your Real Power lies Inside not Outside.
alanj is offline  
Old 01-07-2011
DafT's Avatar
Newbie User

Hang in there xxaimsxx. Just keep trying. Time, and when you can muster it, effort, will inevitably improve your situation. And if your family is able to treat you in such a way then it's not you, it's them. My father is like that, but my mother and sister are not (luckily).

In my case, I just turn the abuse into anger, rather than hurt, and vent it in my own time, be it through physical activity or imagining kicking his teeth in :P. You won't have to live with them forever, and there will definitely be someone who accepts you for you; it's just a matter of continuing to try to move forward with your life, as excruciatingly difficult as it can be at times.
DafT is offline  
Old 01-08-2011
panicsurvivor's Avatar
Expert User

Your mother probably loves you and is scared for you and has a poor way of showing it. I am sorry I have been there. I know you feel lost and hopeless.
But you are 17, life is just starting. I am not patronizing you I promise. But it is true. You are in a very impressionable time in your life and it sounds like you have been dealt some ****ty cards. But as hard as it may seem, it will get better, you have to find something for yourself. I say this on all the threads like this, I know. But I really think that it is true. It doesn't really matter what it is. Painting, reading, music, whatever. The others might be right saying to try to see someone about it. But if you can't just try to find something to hold on to.
Hang in there.
I care about you, and I am sure that others on here do to. Pm me if you need to I will always listen and try to help.
panicsurvivor is offline  
Old 01-08-2011
JamesSmith's Avatar
Expert User

If it helps any, I'm 26 and don't have any friends right now either. I'm also struggling through depression and anxiety. I did notice something you can change, and that is your self-esteem. Stop telling yourself you can't be loved or that nobody likes u. It's impossible for everyone to not like u, there are people who like serial killers for gosh sakes. I would advise joining a club or sport, something like that. I did that in high school and it went very well and I met some friends. Geez, that's depressing thinking about now have I have no friends, but back then I did.
JamesSmith is offline  
Old 01-08-2011
Aussie_Lad's Avatar
Expert User

Maybe you need to move out of home, find somewhere completely new where you don't know anyone. Then start afresh. Doing this in your situation is probably easier than a lot of people, because then you don't have to say goodbye to anyone or feel that you will miss certain people in your life. You might not find happiness in the first or even second place you move to, but keep searching and one day you will find a place where you will fit in and be able to make the most of life while you are there.
Aussie_Lad is offline  
Old 01-08-2011
StrandedTangle's Avatar
Newbie User

I want to join those who have already sent you a HUGE cyber HUG!!!! (((HUGGG!!)))
You are so miserable and yet through all I read of what you have said, it is clear to me that you have a very good heart. Nobody should have to go through the cr#p you are and it hurts to the pit of your soul. However I have to say that I really like and agree with your signature; "I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not."
I have always maintained that if I can't be true to myself then I am lost. I would always rather hold onto that than be another false face in the crowd.
StrandedTangle is offline  
Old 01-08-2011

Sure, it's the way you come off that makes people react negatively to you, but it's not like you're doing it on purpose. I don't think you need to be too hard on yourself. I know you didn't want this to be a sympathy post but I just wanted you to know that.
AutonomousAutomaton is offline  
Old 09-28-2012
Duzmiu's Avatar
Intermediate User

sorry to hear things arnt too good for you at the moment. i dont think there is anything wrong with you, your just going through a rough patch in life, you might not know it but you could be doing something without realising your doing it. i never realised it when i did it but after getting told by some stranger that i looked like a miserable pr**k i asked my mum and sister and they said i do it aswell, but i never really notice i do it.

as for family acting mean towards you it might be you just need a break from each other, it used to be like that for me at home but i moved out for awhile and when i came back everything was alot nicer, sometimes ever a shortbreak like a weekend away can help (if you can afford it, send your mum and sister to a spa or something for the weekend, they will be gratefull, happy and relaxed when they get back)

you will meet bullies where ever you go, i got bullied at school and even when i finished school, its the way the world works im afraid, theres always going to be people that act like that, dont be afraid or hate them, have pity on them.

if your friends act like that towards you then they are clearly not real friends, i cant really talk much on this subject as i have had bad dealing with friends to the point i have next to none but thats my fault i prefer to be alone.
a real friend for me is someone that care's about you and helps you when they can no matter how bad things get for you in life, when your sad they make you smile, when you lonely they comfort you and make sure your not alone, they like you for who you are and dont tell you to change, there honest but not cruel, trusting, stick up for you when someone is being mean or bullying you.
true friends are hard to come by but when they do that person is a 1000 times better then any person who wants you to change because they dont like something about you.

ive been through most of what you've gone through and still have some problems like lack of friends but as my dad always told me
"life isnt a straight line, its a curvy road with its ups and downs, when your at the bottom you will feel like giving up but just remember if your at the bottom you can only rise, but dont get too comfortable when your at the top as you could fall back down at any time"
it may sound kinda cliche but i believe in his way of thinking, sure my life sucks but i know im not at the bottom anymore, im rising back up, even if its at a slow pace.

best thing you can do is try to keep a positive mind and keep smiling, no matter how horrible things get, but if your ever feeling down just come find me and il be there to talk, listen, be screamed and shouted at, no matter the problem il be there to help in what way i can.
Duzmiu is offline  
Old 09-28-2012
surewhynot's Avatar
Advanced User

I feel your pain, life can be real tough.. though you need to keep your head up and tell yourself that you are strong, that you can get through anything. Seriously, it's your life and you can make it whatever you want to make it, you are in control and no one else is. I know this can be hard to grasp, we sometimes feel like our life is pointless and that there's nothing we can do about it, but once you finally take charge of your own destiny, you'll finally find happiness, and I mean that in the most sincere way possible.

Don't focus on what your mother or other people want you to become, you need to find out what makes you unhappy with your life, pinpoint yourself and recognize what you want to change about yourself, what would make you happy, how do you want to see yourself, where do you want to be in 5 years. Then take the necessary steps to achieve those goals, take your time, pace your steps. Happiness resides in knowledge of self, in the understanding of our being. Don't sit still, get up and get somewhere, live your life, put yourself out there and get to know the world.

Also don't forget that you're never alone, most of us have been in the same boat as you and we want to help. If you ever want to talk, about anything doesn't matter, you can always feel free to send me a message, I'll be delighted to chat. I really enjoy talking to new people, so don't be shy haha.
surewhynot is offline  
Old 09-29-2012
user deleted

It's difficult to talk about things sometimes as it can feel so much like what we say may be misconstrued as attention seeking/self-imposed martyrdom, for me at least. Well done for opening up about it, it's a brave thing to do, you should be proud of yourself.

The times when we feel truly alone and desperate are often the times when we need other people the most. I can't really give you any answers to your problems, but I just wanted to say I admire you for having the courage to write about your experiences.
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