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Old 02-27-2013

So whenever I try and talk to a guy that I'm strongly attracted to, I panic. Seriously, I end up shaking so badly that I can barely talk, let alone carry a coherent conversation. It's really embarrassing- which obviously doesn't help the panicking. Is there anything I can do to stop this? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sarah_45 is offline  
Old 02-27-2013
hexagon_sun's Avatar
Intermediate User

Your not alone. I also get panicy when I talk someone I'm attracted to. SA takes something that is suppose to be enjoyable and turns it on its head and makes it traumatic. I think what happens is, because flirting is such an emotionally intense experience (increased blood flow) it tries to push the "social" part of the brain that is already malfunctioning, further. It makes you feel even more out of control. In my opinion, even though the vast majority of people experience some "degree" of panic, it is a sign that something isn't right... I'm sorry if I'm being vague. I find that a public thread is probably not an appropriate place to discuss specifics. Feel free to IM or PM me if you want more detail.
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Old 02-27-2013
InvisaLady's Avatar
Intermediate User

You can do what I have been forced to do. Date people your not attracted to.
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Old 02-28-2013

Hi, I wish I have advice for you but I'm facing the same problem. I feel uncomfortable and anxious around around taller, masculine guys. They don't have to be attractive; even slightly attractive can make me feel nervous. Sometimes I feel like my hormones are all over the place. Here's something to you can do: try looking at pictures of hot attractive guys (not porn). Google them. See what reaction you get. Maybe if you keep doing this everyday, you will eventually feel comfortable around hot guys?
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Old 02-28-2013
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Elite User

Hmm... Well, I get to know people either via the internet (in which I first mail back and forth a lot with them, so that we know each other before meeting), or because they are friends of friends. And then I know them slightly already. In both cases, knowing them one way or the other allows me to be not that nervous.
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Old 02-28-2013
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Newbie User

Wish I could help, but I can't even make eye contact with the opposite sex, whether they're attractive or not.
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Old 02-28-2013
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Elite User

I know the feeling. That's why I just don't bother talking. When I was in university there was a guy I talked to in class a few times. I have a hard time talking to people as it is, but he was quite attractive and that only made it worse. It was nice talking to him, but I never started the conversation. I had a huge crush on him for the next couple of years until I finished school. Never said another word to him though, even when we had another class together. I didn't dare try to talk to him again. Even if I could have gotten out, "Hi, how are you?" I would have froze at that point and embarrassed myself. Just spotting him from way across a room or down the hall was enough to make me nervous. A few times we smiled at each other in passing, but I assumed it was no more than a friendly smile. That was a brave as I ever got.

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Old 02-28-2013
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Elite User

Just think to yourself that this hot guy is also human. He's not any different to other people, but you've built him up in your mind to make an impression, so you stutter and shake. Just talk to him like anyone else and you'll be okay.
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Old 02-28-2013

I rarely directly look at attractive women. If they do look in my direction, I quickly turn my head.
ImNotMyIllness is offline  
Old 02-28-2013

I put too much time into encounters.

I prepare & practise.

That works for anything challenging involving any machine or any... journey / timing.

Even a person who is distinctly there 'to help'. That word is something I hate. Help or someone 'on your side' doesn't exist. There to prevent your intentions. All worked up towards an annual follow-up meeting... medical. A mistake is to have that in my head for days, and thinking of how to pace it, and what to say. Nobody wants to hear what I say. Even knowing that, I can't get it right. Fumbling through my thoughts... rheticoral. From the outset, I crumble a bit. On the defence. Trying to learn to zip up and pray to my master. A person who'll deem me as insufficient... no good. Two things considered afterwards... No doctor likes a patient. They wish they never existed. Too imperfect for their life. At the very end of yet another follow-up of my condition, being ushered out of the door - exactly the same with any case - phone call, meeting: 'get him out of the door!' We have other people to see. On depart, I was down on my knees - a form expression - respect - making a praying gesture in the waiting room, to say thank you. You have done so much to fix a part of my life. How was that received? He shouted at me to say 'OHH!!! Don't do that!!!'

I have one coming up tomorrow, spending the last two weeks in preparation, to reset my mistakes and make it right. Merely a transition from one basic career advice place, which I wish I had a chance to try this new approach a decade ago. Again, a psychological matter, just as with my neurological spe******t or GP, or recruiter, etc. With my mind spinning too fast, I can be sure that I'll crumble and make a mess. More attack. The harder I try, the worst it'll get

And, far too off-topic with this reply
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Old 02-28-2013
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Intermediate User

Hi Sarah! Yeah I was like this too, there was a time when I use to work in a shop and this attractive guy (customer) use to make me shake like mad when I spoke to him and my hand would shake when I gave him his change. I really hated it and after the first few times when he came in I use to call someone to the checkout to take over so I could go in the back and wait till he'd leave BUT he came in quite often, so I couldn't do that every time and eventually I got use to him and after a while I didn't see just his looks, I saw him as a nice person and I no longer got all shakey when i spoke to him. It was nice to have a conversation with him without those feelings. It's hard, but for me I had to get use to him and ride through the shakes and try to focus on what he was saying and i would try and visualise what he was talking about so it'd take me away from that moment. You just have to think to yourself ok maybe he will notice i'm shakin but there's nothin i can do to stop this feelin right now so i'm gunna try and ignore it and concentrate. It just took time for me. Hope this may help in some way.
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Old 05-13-2013

I don't know but if it would make you feel better I had a panic attack when I was on a date last week. I made an excuse to get up and go to the bathroom to calm down. if you are young I'm sure you will grow out of it pretty quickly. the more experience you have talking to guys the easier it will get.
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Old 09-28-2014
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Newbie User

Originally Posted by InvisaLady View Post
You can do what I have been forced to do. Date people your not attracted to.
I have done this too. I don't want to have to do that again. I don't want to feel like I'm settling again. Sometimes when I'd see him I'd just think UGH and I'd sometimes be embarrassed to be seen with him. That's just bad for someone you're dating. And I really tried forcing myself to find him attractive.
I went out a couple times with one guy that I still think about many years later because I thought he was the hottest guy ever. I want to feel that attraction and passion for someone again. Even though the hot guy made me extremely nervous and I was super comfortable with the non-hot guy, I still choose hot since at least I felt something.
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Old 09-28-2014
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Newbie User

Yes its really bad, but is it you or them?. I go to the same bars each week deliberately. If I see someone new that I like I won't approach them unless they've been there 3 or 4 times and I feel familiar with them. It doesn't take much to put me off them and I get scared if they have got a guy hanging around. But once I get to know them it is a lot easier to talk. Unfortunately the anxiety you have may be as much about them as yourself. Put bluntly - people who expect it all to be laid in front of them. Its regretable, modern life is far from perfect and recreational drugs play a significant part in it. Coc*ine is widely used and although the dependents seem to be popular and outgoing they are deeply antisocial to non-users and have a self importance to the point of narciscm. I get on far better with working folk than I ever do meeting people purely socially, its laughable.
Whenever I have had a woman talk to me it is nothing for me to have a conversation and to continue it. If I do not want to talk I can make that plain too and I am sure she would feel very awkward. So trust your instinct, perhaps try again and if he just won't have it then you have to wonder if he has a serious attitude problem. You could even tell him that you find him attractive but feel panicky, if all he does is mumble that its your problem then he might as well f**k off. What is so bad about recognizing that a person has social anxiety, and being supportive?
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